Revised contract

As if we weren't doing enough already for our anniversary weekend, I also revised the contract which can be found on the tab above. Nothing too major in terms of changes, just some minor tweaks here and there. I think the change I made that L was most appreciative of is Item H under Section II which states as follows (addition in bold):

"The submissive will at all times act in a manner that is respectful of the Dominant, to include manners of speech, promptness, proper answers, obedience, loyalty, and honesty, with the understanding between both of them that the submissive shall not have to necessarily alter her personality."

I think this remains a challenge for us still in some ways; how can L be a submissive "meek as a mouse" companion to me when being loud, sassy and smart is a big part of who she is? As I have said before, I don't want a robot for a submissive, how boring would that be. No fun in taming the already tamed. It's a balancing act for both of us, and I wanted to put something in writing in the contract that reflected that.

I also deleted some of the listed punishments as none of them had been used and probably wouldn't be used...kneeling on rice, for instance. I did not include anal sex and swallowing as punishments as I want to get L past those being entirely unpleasant tasks for her and ones that she enjoys doing because they give me so much pleasure.

I've also (just now, actually) instructed L that for the next two weeks, each of us will read the contract once a day. I am doing this because we have had some struggles the last few days since returning from the trip that have rocked our dynamics a little (yes boys and girls, it's not always happy ball gagged and flogged unicorns dancing over rainbows in our world) and in my extra work to get things back on track (after all, it is my responsibility) this is one of the things that we will do to keep our heads in the right place.

I've had contact from others who have really liked the contract and have borrowed it for theirs, and I encourage anyone to do that, but at the same time, if you do, really keep YOUR situation in mind as well and don't do a straight copy and paste. I spent a lot of time working on our original one, and thought a lot about the revisions to this one, and that is the way it should be. This isn't fun and games. This is real world, long term stuff here, and being such, needs the proper care and attention to detail.

Also in California...

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..we paid a visit to the highly popular BDSM store called The Stockroom (L's presents to me on my birthday came from there) to see what they had to offer, and if you are ever in the L.A. area, I highly recommend a visit there. Excellent quality items for a range of BDSM activities, to including those on the more extreme side to include body encasements, nasty looking cock cages, and whips looking like they came straight out of "Django Unchained." We spent about half an hour there, my timid (yeah, right) pet wanting to leave long before I did because of discomfort over being there.

I wasn't going to leave there without buying something though, so I settled on a hog tie kit...very nice quality and the most expensive toy we had bought yet. We had been meaning to get some wrist and ankle cuffs, so this fit the bill nicely.

Plus, L looks very, very fucking hot in it.

The only downside of the hog tie is that it makes it difficult to spank her, but I found that an option was to secure her wrists in it and attach the hook intended for the ankle cuffs to the back of her collar.

It's getting its fair share of use, even back home.

Tales from the Lair de Sade

Sorry for the delay in posting this as I suspect some of you have been eagerly awaiting to hear about our night at the BDSM club, the Lair de Sade, on our anniversary night last Friday. We had a busy weekend completing our vacation and got back home early this week and have been regrouping and readjusting, which I will comment on in another post today. There's a lot to write about.

That being said, let's start with The Lair.

We departed our hotel around 8:30p.m. en route to the Lair in the comfort of a limousine. I wanted to make our anniversary night as special for us, and given that I knew L would want some libations to loosen her up (as would I) I didn't want us to drive. Besides, there was something magnificently sexy as going to a BDSM club in North Hollywood in a stretch limo, a once in a lifetime type of thing that one would always remember.

L was damn nervous leading up to it, and had I said we will do something else, I think she would have been relieved. She looked absolutely devourable, wearing a low cut, form fitting black dress that I had asked her to specifically wear for the event, with matching lingerie she purchased earlier from Fredericks of Hollywood.

The activities at the Lair weren't scheduled to start until 9p.m. and we didn't want to be the first people there, so I had our driver drive us around L.A., cruising through West Hollywood and the Sunset Strip. We finished off the bottle of champagne we had with us and made a stop for another one to take with us to the club.

We arrived at the Lair a little after 10p.m. with a nice glow between the two of us and loosened up enough to step outside of our comfort zone. Keep in mind we have never met or talked to anyone in the BDSM world; our interaction with others has strictly been online. So this was a big step for us.

The Lair was located in a converted house, nondescript from street view and completely unnoticed in terms of what kind of house it was. We entered through a gate at the side of the house where I gave the doorman the prepaid membership form I had taken care of online.

Right away an older man by the name of Patrick latched on to us and offered to give us a tour through the house.

Let me stop right now and tell you what I was expecting to find at the Lair de Sade, because that is important for what comes next. I had anticipated a rather hardcore BDSM scene, with lots of leather and stern Doms leading meek and mild subs around on leashes, subs who weren't allowed to talk unless given permission. I thought we would almost literally be stepping into another world.

So imagine my surprise...both of us, actually...that what we found was so incredibly....normal. We didn't feel like we had stepped foot into a BDSM club in North Hollywood. It was more like a backyard barbecue in Mayberry.

Well, with some exceptions.

The tour of the house included a narrow hallways called Blowjob Alley ("Don't ask me why it is called that," joked Patrick, a very nice and hospitable guy who didn't appear to be any more Dommish than, say, Wilfred Brimley), an elaborate chain spider web set up in the garage, a stretching table, a bondage bed, a large cross with plenty of eyelets for rope work, spanking platforms, a few metal cages, and a doghouse. Which was not for a dog.

There weren't that  many people as we did the tour, though right away in one room we encountered a spanking session with a bare assed sub hanging over her Dom's lap as he spanked away at her, the sound echoing through the room. We were more than welcome to stay and watch, but we were still getting our bearings, so it seemed a little personal to pull up a seat, grab some popcorn, and watch away.

Not that there was any popcorn, but there was a kitchen set up for everyone to use with a pot of broccoli soup simmering for all to enjoy.

Like I said, a backyard barbecue.

After the tour from Patrick, we went over and sat in an outside gathering area and surveyed the landscape. We talked to one Dom who did not have his own sub, but rather had 12 playmates, and he was expecting one of them to arrive later. He was joined by a lady who started talking about her work as a kindergarten teacher. Another younger lady joined us who was attending on her own without a Dom and looking to see what might happen. Another couple joined us and the lady had a collar around her neck that was padlocked, and her Dom made a joke about losing a key before.

Clothing ranged from Doms wearing motorcycle gear to subs in dresses. There really wasn't that much talk about the BDSM lifestyle; certain things came up from time to time during the conversations, and like so many conversations between strangers, there were those awkward pauses. At one point we were asked if we were spankers or beaters.

"Somewhere in between" I said.

"You should see the bruise on my ass!" said L.

After awhile we got up and went back to look around on our own. We went into a larger room in the house where a spanking session was just ending and sat in the corner to watch the end of it. After they had left, I had L lean over one of the platforms, lifted up her dress, and delivered her a few spanks across her ass. I wasn't about to have us leave there without some type of spanking take place.

We left soon after that, mainly because we needed to get to our limo to get back to our hotel.

So here is the point in this posting where I have to apologize to those of you who were eagerly awaiting for a tale of debauchery, but it was nothing like that. Now, looking back at it, (and even when we got back to our room that night) both L and I agreed that had we done things differently that night, we would have stayed longer so we could observe more of the activities taking place. The brief amount of spanking I saw had me really worked up, and we both would have enjoyed being more of a witness to others. And, I suspect, after a little time, done more ourselves.

But it didn't happen this time. This was a testing of the waters, so to speak, to see what it was like to interact with others in our lifestyle for the first time. It also prompted us to start looking into what might be happening in the BDSM world in our own community. Granted, there is the risk of running into your kid's teacher, but the reality is....you are all there for the same reason, so what the hell?

Overall, it was a great experience. For both of us.

And I apologize again I have no elaborate sexual details to share with you.

That being said, the limo ride back to the hotel and what we did in the hotel when we got there...that, my friends, is another story.

A story you don't share at backyard barbecues in Mayberry.

Happy Anniversary Pet

Well, here we are...one year later. One year since L and I officially entered our D/s relationship, in a collaring and leashing ceremony in my living room. One year since I started this blog chronicling our journey.

Whew, what a ride.

And like the song says...we've only just begun.

Short update today. We have had a wonderful vacation, finished our four day cruise to Catalina Island and Ensenada, and now we are in one of our favorite places, Venice Beach, for the next three days. It has been a great vacation. I have loved seeing how happy L has been and how appreciative she has been of this trip, from the limo that met us at LAX, to the first night's stay on the Queen Mary, and all of the fun of the cruise itself.

So tonight is anniversary night and I am taking L to a BDSM club in North Hollywood called the Lair de Sade for their Conquest event which is exclusive to male Doms and female subs. She figured out what the surprise was before I told her. I think, in all honesty, this has been much more of a fantasy of mine than hers, but she is willing to do whatever I guide us to do.

I am not 100 percent sure what to expect, and a lot of how the evening goes will be dictated by the vibe we get while there and how our comfort level is. This will be our first time ever interacting with other Doms and subs, aside from the exchanges on the blog. I don't know yet if we will just be observers, or if we get caught up in everything and we turn from observers to...being observed.

I do know one thing.

I will be writing about it for all of you.

Happy anniversary pet. I love you more than words can describe, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting your total and complete trust in me; to own you now and forever.

Vacation Time

In just three days L and I will be embarking on a weeklong vacation to include a four day cruise to Mexico and three days in Venice Beach, one of our favorite places. To say we are excited is an understatement. It will be our first vacation together in close to two years, and our first vacation since entering the D/s relationship. Coincidentally, the vacation will correspond with the anniversary of signing our contract together, and I have been working to make that anniversary a truly special one.

It's already a special trip for L in many ways, as it will be the first trip she has ever gone on that she did not plan. I think she is perhaps nervous to some extent about not being in charge of the details, but...so be it. I have made all of the hotel, cruise, and transportation arrangements, and have simply told her to pack and be ready to go Sunday morning, the rest is all taken care of.

Traveling as a D/s couple will be a lot different than the last time we traveled together. The packing itself is a new endeavor. What to take from the box of tricks, especially given the fact that we are going to have eight nights to ourselves, free of children, to do what we damn well please as loud as we want and for as long as we want, with apologies ahead of time to the occupants of the room next to ours. Bring your earplugs, is all I can say.

And the vacation could not come at a better time. We so need this alone time together. We have been doing well...continuing to do well in our relationship, navigating through various obstacles and whatnot. Things turned a little emotional yesterday when L questioned whether or not she was really submissive, in part, because I have been sterner than usual with mistakes she made and have been quick to get on her when the mistakes are made.

"Maybe I am just too independent" she said. "I just don't think I am good at this. You seem to always be irritated with me."

Not true, I told her. Being a submissive is who you are. I know this for sure.

"I'm glad one of us does," she said.

Such words are hard to hear as a Dom, because I suspect in the D/s world, nothing is more challenging than working with a sub who is questioning their own submissiveness. As it turned out, L's thoughts were fleeting, and a couple of hours later after dinner, she was kneeled before me in bed. "I don't know what I was thinking when I said that," she said. "Can we blame it on my period?"

Sure, I said. And if you are having a hard time finding your way, I will guide you. That's my job.

And later, in bed, I did guide her. More than half an hour of spanking, alternating between the flogger and the cane. Flogging for 100 whips, then caressing her ass, then going to the cane. Repeat. It was our longest spanking session, and I could have kept it up for more than half an hour...and she could have taken it for more than half an hour...but it was getting late, and I wanted her to get her rest. But that half an hour made a difference in the day, and took her from a place of stress and doubt and worry and immersed her into subspace, the place that she belongs and is indeed the true her.

EMAIL EXCHANGE BETWEEN S AND L THE MORNING OF APRIL 25:

L:

You are a very good submissive. You took half an hour of spanking, at times very hard, without barely flinching last night. And you could have taken more. And your desire to please me is evident when I look into your eyes.

The fact that you mess up from time to time doesn't make you a bad sub, it makes you...human.

I would rather have a human than a robot as a pet....

Your loving and devoted Master

*****

Thank you.

 

Needed to hear that.

The million dollar answer...

Thank you to all of you who commented on yesterday's post and offered some very insightful and frank observations, opinions and ideas on the matter. Rather than go through and reply to each comment individually, I am going to write a whole new post.

For starters, I think I probably came off a little more bullheaded and arrogant on this issue than I actually am. I would never completely shut L down on any issue or idea that she brought to the table; it's not how I operate as a Dom nor is it how we operate as a couple where open communication and conversation has made us as strong as we are today.

Also, there was an element of humor to some of what I said, as well as some of the things L told me. I certainly don't perceive this question as being a million dollar question (at best, maybe $10.73) it was just the term we had thrown out there when we were discussing it. And I certainly don't feel that L wanted to try thing on me as a form of revenge; that comment was in jest.

Having said all that, let me now say this.

You people made some damn good comments and put this in a different perspective for me. Maybe for both of us, but I will let L comment on that.

Now, I have tried some of the different instruments before using them on her, but not that often. I have used the nipple clamps on me and have sometimes smacked my leg or hand with the paddle, cane or flogger. Not that hard though. Certainly not as hard as I have used them on L. Conina, I completely understand where your husband is coming from! L has used items on me before in a playful manner.

So after taking in all of the comments last night, running them through my mind, I threw it out to L that perhaps this evening I should grant her some time to try some of the things on me.

Here's the thing.

She didn't want to.

Would be too odd, she said. And right now since she has been slipping from her submissive mindset, it might be the wrong thing to do.

In most cases when we have talked about her trying things on me, it has been in a joking manner. She has an ongoing joke, for instance, about pegging me. We joke a lot in our relationship. Part of TTWD. Part of that ongoing joke...and I think there is an element of seriousness to this...is that L might really really like it if she was given control for a bit. Keep in mind what I say in the intro. to this blog, going into our D/s relationship we were switching from her being the aggressor to me.

Do I think that underneath my timid little sub there is a whip cracking, cock caging Domina wanting to come out?

No, I don't.

However, I will say that my timid little, meek as a mouse sub is one damn physically strong woman. And she could do quite well in that role...if it was her true nature.

But it's not.

Last night in bed we had a prolonged session with the cane, her slipping deep into subspace where she almost stopped reacting altogether as the cane came down, harder and faster, lashing across her ass.

This time I did something different. After every 50 or so, I hit myself on the leg with it a few times, at the same intensity I was hitting her.

I am not sure how she does it.

That motherfucker STINGS.

Have a great weekend everybody.

The million dollar question..

L and I were lying in bed this afternoon after a very good, hardcore pounding session where we were as loud as we wanted to be. The flogger was lying on the bed next to her and she picked it up and whipped it a few times across my bare leg.

"I think you need to feel the same things I do so you are more aware of what I am going through when you do it to me," she said.

She has brought this up before. I have always disagreed.

A Dom doesn't need to feel the same things his sub does in a session because that is why the roles are clearly defined. The Dom delivers, the sub receives. Were there switching involved then there would be efforts to balance the feelings and sensations, but in a strict D/s relationship, it is not needed. I gauge how these actions make L feel by her reaction to them, whether it be the sounds she makes or the marks it leave on her.

I could just tell L that is how it is, end of discussion, but she is curious to her what others think, particularly other Doms who might be doing exactly what she is suggesting, allowing their sub to try various spanking implements on him so he knows exactly what she is feeling.

So I am honoring her request and throwing it out there to blog world.

Thoughts on this?

Add your comments below, or simply respond to the survey on the right.

Personally, I think this has a little more to do with L wanting me to experience what she is experiencing. I think that after a year of being beaten, flogged and spanked, my dear sweet submissive pet is secretly wanting to be handed the cane, even for just a few minutes, for a little bit of payback...