Cock worshipping

"Respect the cock! And tame the cunt! Tame it! Take it on headfirst with the skills that I will teach you at work and say no! You will not control me! No! You will not take my soul! No! You will not win this game! Because it's a game, guys. You want to think it's not, huh? You want to think it's not? Go back to the schoolyard and you have that crush on big-titted Mary Jane. Respect the cock. You are embedding this thought. I am the one who's in charge. I am the one who says yes! No! Now! Here! Because it's universal, man. It is evolutional. It is anthropological. It is biological. It is animal. We... are... men!" 

--Quote by Frank Mackey, character played by Tom Cruise in the 1999 movie "Magnolia"

I'll be writing more on this subject tomorrow....and on some training I am working on with L in this matter...stay tuned. I do want to give a shout out to a blog called Cock Worshipping Blogs which has multiple contributors and has some damn good reads.

The New Bed

A couple of summers ago I started writing a short story called "The New Bed." The story was about mine and L's relationship, which, even back then, we felt had the makings of a great story, the kind where the remark "You can't make this shit up" was applicable. Little did we know back then that we had only scratched the surface, and, looking back at it now, what was going on in our relationship back then would only be a chapter in a larger novel compared to all that has happened since then. This was way before we entered the D/s relationship and way before L's husband she was separated from was diagnosed with cancer -- interestingly enough, both of those life changing events happened within weeks of each other in May 2012. First the D/s relationship at the beginning of the month, then, a couple of weeks later, the cancer discovery. This blog started at the same time, and chronicles all that we have gone through.

If the first part of your relationship fell into the "You can't make this shit up" category then all that has happened since then would be in the "You have to be fucking kidding me" category.

Really...it has been a journey from Day One...not Day One of the D/s relationship, but Day One from where we first met. I truly think we are a rarity, that there are very few relationships out there that could have survived what we have been through, but here we are...and as I commented to L this morning, things are way better than they ever have been. We are so strong as a couple right now, and quite simply, there is no better feeling.

I was calling the short story "The New Bed" because we were always wanting to have our own bed. This was summer of 2011 when I wrote this, and we were going back and forth on me moving in with her, into her house, the house she had lived in with her husband, had raised and was raising her children in. Every aspect of the house was a reflection of her life, of her family life, and at times, we struggled with that fact, I suppose me more so than her. But maybe not. We didn't always communicate well back then, certainly not like we do now, so I don't think either one of us did a very good job of expressing how we were feeling about everything. I think that is one of the reasons I started writing that short story, which I shared with her, as it was a way for me to express some of what I was feeling. I have always done a much better with the written word than the spoken word.

We wanted a bed to call our own. One that we purchased together, and thought/knew that something like that would help us move ahead in the process of creating OUR life together...of making a present and future that did not feel so haunted by the past. We wanted a nice king sized bed.

We talked about it a lot, but never got around to doing it. We literally plundered ahead in our relationship, side stepping issues, finding moments of really good times and moments where things were, meh, not that good.

Yesterday, after L got off work, we went to the local furniture store and did it.

We bought our bed.

We did more than just buy a new bed, we got a whole new bedroom set, and I wrote a check that was much bigger than any check I had written in recent memory, but by god, I didn't care, because we wanted this. Needed this. It might seem, on surface, to be somewhat materialistic, because couples don't necessarily need possessions to be together, it's about love, commitment, trust, yada yada..I get that. But L and I have those things. And this was a very symbolic purchase for us. It was the first major purchase as a couple. And of course, it matters a great deal that it was for the bedroom. A dining room table or new TV would not have the same impact.

We already knew what set we wanted as we had been there before. We arrived at the store five minutes before closing and one of the employees came over to help us (in a hurry as she wanted to get out of there) so we made her day when we pointed to the bedroom set we wanted and the mattress we wanted. With the mattress set she asked us if we wanted a waterproof protector for it, we gave each other a quick glance, because if there was anything we needed for a mattress that we were going to fuck on, it was a waterproof protector. We're messy like that.

The set was on back order, so it is not going to be until early April when our new bedroom is assembled. We have other work to do...wallpaper stripping, painting, new drapes, etc...to make the room ours. That place where at the end of the day we retreat to after the kids have gone to sleep, where we lock the door, turn the TV up a little, and do that thing we do. Where we fall asleep together, satisfied, at peace, happy and in love.

So the new bed is purchased, and with that comes a very good feeling. But the book is far from over. We are both aware there are going to be many more chapters to come.

Yup, a good feeling indeed.

But not as good of a feeling it is going to be when we break it in for the first time.

That will be a posting yet to come.

Topping from the bottom--L's perspective

S claims that I top from the bottom....for the most part true.  Keep in mind we have been D/s for less than a year so I am considered "still in training"....which I use to my advantage every once in a while.  "Please forgive me, I didn't know any better Sir, remember, I am still in training"....add puppy dog eyes and you can get out of anything!  Wont be able to use that much longer, more like never after writing this.

 

It is true though and I am working on it.  I used to say whatever came to my mind.....some good, some bad, some just downright honest and funny.  I had verbal diarrhea all the time.  In my marriage, I was the decision maker on all things.  What we ate, where we went, what we spent money on (this was out of necessity, not because I am a naturally dominant person....not at all).  If I had let my ex make any decisions we would be homeless...literally. 

 

When S and I first met, I was quite aggressive and commanding (I would call them strong suggestions really) in and out of the bedroom.  He went along with my suggestions and added a few of his own every now and then.  Now, I think before I speak...I try to think before I speak, I am still suggesting things in the bedroom and even completely turned over this morning when I couldn't take something S was doing.  I got a smack for it and it was deserved.  I don't want to top from the bottom.  I want to please S and me throwing out commands (suggestions!) does not please him.   Submissive me needs to learn this lesson.  A large part of why D/s appeals to me is the decision making being taken away from me for the most part.  Do as you are told....easy enough right?  Not so it seems.  We have discussed how to deal with it and S has thrown out corner time and other such things while I suggested he just spank it out of me...spanking is always my suggestion. 

 

We are working through it and I am sure that in time I will be as meek as a mouse.  Sometimes when he does scold me I say, come on, no one wants a robot.  So I guess we need to find the balance that works for us.  Hopefully before we join the AARP. 

And now, some words from L...

Writing Assignment: Describe some of my thoughts from this weekend, main focus being on how Saturday night made me feel and last night's pussy slapping session, which I clearly enjoyed (S's words of course).

 

For starters this writing assignment was given to me last Wednesday and I did not complete it.  I was in a bad place and had to leave town the next day and was very nervous and stressed.  I talked to S about it and said that if I was forced to write about it right now, it wouldn't be any good.  Of course, he never forgets and I was tasked with it today.  So much has happened since then that I am not even sure how well I will do now.

 

Saturday was our Valentines Day (night).  We started out with pedicures, then the hot springs, then a hotel room for the night (no children!!!).  I was instructed to wear something I wouldn't mind getting ruined.  I had a lovely, lacy (uncomfortable as all hell) bra and pantie set that I had bought in Paris that was perfect for the occasion.  Things started out mildly enough with me being tied in the chair......then the strangest thing happened...and I am not sure if this is normal or not and haven't had the chance to see if it is on any blog or website....but the rest is hazy.  I read S's blog about how he put something inside me (I do remember having to pee but not sucking on him while peeing), I do remember being tied up standing and him using his flogger.....but that's about it.  I couldn't begin to tell you how long he did it or even what we did afterwards.  As to how it made me feel......very very submissive.  Pretty sure I could/did take a lot as I was waaay way off in lala land.  Best Valentines Day ever.

 

Pussy Slapping..........never thought those two words should ever be put together, until now.  I am still in shock over how close I got to going over the edge from it.  S started off slow, carefully slapping me on the outside, with only a few fingers (he has the longest fingers...ever) and slowly increasing the impact, slowly opened my legs more, slowly opening me up more.  Slowly I was arching my back to get it closer to him.  He started to smack harder, I made little yelps now and then and instinctively closed my legs only to be forced open again and slapped harder for doing so.  It was a lesson in submission, sensation and pleased S (which I live for!). 

 

I am finding out new things about S and myself daily and he is really taking me to new levels (and I him I suspect).  The time apart was very different this time (if you are a follower, you know we have struggled in the past with me leaving and coming back and us almost having to start over.....and also why the trips are needed).  We missed each other like mad this time.  I believe S said I was his oxygen at one point (so love him) and this trip was a good one for us and only brought us closer. 

Discoveries

One of the more remarkable things about our D/s relationship is making the discovery that we still have so much to…discover. I would not go as far as to say that everyday brings something new, but at least every few days it seems there is some new discovery. Mostly in the bedroom, but sometimes out of the bedroom. We discover turn ons and turn offs, limits and thresholds, new rules and guidelines.

New feelings of submission.

New feelings of Dominance.

Sometimes, the discoveries are small. Last night we discovered that plastic coat hangers are effective implements for spanking. We mainly needed to start using something (a hair brush works well also) that would not be too loud, and the hanger is perfect for that. Plus, it covers a large section of ass, and leaves some nice looking welts.

L was out of town the last four days, and her absence led to a discovery for both of us as to just how powerful our connection is, and how strongly we both need each other, in particular, how we both need each other in our respective roles. On the second day she was gone, she confessed to me via text how she felt lost, and I knew exactly how she felt. Kinda lost. As if by not having her in my presence, a part of me was missing.

Now, if you have followed this blog at all, you know that some of this is nothing new. That we have dealt with issues of being apart before and the longing that comes with it. This time, however, was different. The longing and the intensity connected with it was stronger.

A big part of that is because 2013, so far, has been a really good year for us. 2012 went out as an ugly shit storm for us, an implosion of sorts, but on January 1, 2013, when the dust settled, we were still standing, holding each other…and moving on.

And we really did move on. And we made progress. Our connection became stronger, we felt more comfortable and at home in our respective roles as submissive and Dominant. We relished in each other’s companionship, whether it be simply sitting together at the local bar having a drink after work, lying in bed watching TV, me visiting her at work, or simply taking a drive out of town. L’s desire to please me grew stronger and stronger, and my desire to own and guide her grew stronger and stronger.

Normally, when L leaves town, I get hung on some of the issues of the past, and words would come out of my mouth that I would regret, and I behaved in a manner that I was not quite proud of.

This time, though, there was none of that.

Nothing that had happened between us mattered to me anymore, what mattered was what I had with L now and what I will have with her tomorrow.

Pussy spanking

I don't know what it is about this particular act that really does it for me as a Dom, but it has become one of my favorite with L. There is something...well, something so amazingly delicious about it. Much, much more intimate than a mere spanking of the ass. To spank one's pussy, to spread the lips apart so she is fully revealed, and to raise the hand up and bring it back down (not the whole hand, four fingers will do as that allows for some insertion as well as spanking), is an incredibly raw experience.

The first time I tried it with L (written in some previous post) she really did not like it, actually freaked her out a bit. I've done it off and on since then, but nothing too extensive. Last night was what I would describe as our first pussy spanking session, and this time, there was no freaking out from L. She found her place with this one and was more than willing, though at times I had to force her legs back apart when she would reflexively bring them together. She looked beautiful the entire time, submissively spread out before me, her head back, eyes closed, slight panting and occasional whimpering...as I spread her open and brought my fingers down, time and time again, fingers striking pussy, fingers finding wetness.

It was, in a word....good.

Topping from the bottom

One of the matters we have been working on in our relationship is L's tendency to top from the bottom while in bed. This matter, combined with bossiness in other areas, is in someways a "hold over" from how things used to be before she became a collared and leased possession of mine.

It's interesting, because though it has not been that long we have been doing this, I don't remember what our sex was like prior to it. It was always good and satisfying, granted, but in terms of details of what constituted a typical evening in bed, my mind draws a blank.

It would be safe to say though that L was typically the aggressor and had no problems letting me know when she was ready to get it on and what she wanted to do. That trait is still there, and as she told me via text the other day, she is used to getting what she wants in bed.

How she behaves in bed nowadays is quite different than how she used to behave before, but she can't help to try and control the situation so she gets what she wants. In most cases, she wants instant penetration. Like so many subs out there, she is quite impatient. She is not one for prolonged foreplay, nor because of her ability to get wet by merely touching her is it necessary. This works our quite nicely when all is needed is a quickie, such as her stopping by home during lunchtime to bend over the bed for me.

I enjoy making her wait. Making her beg, and holding out simply for the sake of holding out, to teach her a lesson, to let her know that pets don't always get what they want right away. Granted, this is challenging for me, because most of the time, I want exactly what she wants. Would jumping immediately to fucking and release be pleasing to me? Sure. But making her wait, and drawing the whole experience out, is much more pleasurable for me.

But sometimes I give in. Sometimes I let her wiggle under my body, begging to suck on me, and let her do just that. Sometimes when she asks me to scoot over to the edge of the bed so she can ride me with one foot on the floor, I let her do just that. Sometimes what she is suggesting and wanting to control is perfectly fine for me. So I let the situation happen.

She's aware she has the control.

We both agree that that has to stop, that while it is fine for her to offer up suggestions, how the evening takes place needs to be at my guidance and command.

We worked through some of that this weekend. The other morning we were lying in bed, and L was wanting morning sex something bad, but I was wanting something more.

"Suck my cock," I said. "Now."

I think my directive surprised her, so there was a second of hesitation before I grabbed her by the back of her hair and forced her down on me. I guided her actions, lifting her up by the hair and shoving her back down on me. A couple of times she tried to pull away, to let me know she wanted to move on, but she didn't have a choice, I kept fucking away at her mouth.

Here's a thing about L, and not sure if I have mentioned it before. She absolutely hates having to swallow, to have me come in her mouth. It's a quantity issue more than it is quality. So I am kind to her in that regard. I rarely do it, even though it is something that I enjoy. I find myself more often saving her the mouthful and pulling out and jerking off on her, which is even more enjoyable because it fulfills my visual desire.

When I was forcing her to suck on me the other morning, I wanted to take it all the way, to come deep inside of her mouth while I held her head tight down on me. To make her suck and swallow every last drop, and have her go back to her side of the bed.

But like I said, I am a kind Sir. To a fault, at times.

We ended up fucking. Of course.

With me on top.