in times of sorrow

To those who have read our blog over the last year and a half, you know that there have been external factors that have had a significant impact on mine and L's relationship. There has been her husband, whom she has been estranged from for years now, who has been dying of cancer, and there has been my separation from my boys.

This will not be a lengthy post. I simply want to say that this afternoon the father of L's children passed away.

Though all knew this was coming, there is a tremendous amount of sadness in the household this evening. And will be for days to come. As one can imagine. L has talked about the abuse in her marriage before on this blog, but none of this matters now as three boys, whom I have come to love and take care of as if they were my own, struggle to understand and accept why this happened.

This has nothing to do with the past, it is about the present, and about grief and sorrow, and moving forward. I am a man with a big heart, and I feel and absorb their sadness, and look for ways to help them through this. I want to be the stabilizing factor that keeps them afloat and able to move forward, while, at the same time, giving them the space they need to grieve.

 Long before I became a Dominant, I have always had the White Knight Syndrome, of wanting to be rescuer and provider, the one who brings peace and security to people I love and care for when times and turbulent.

I want to do that and will do that. At the same time, it makes me reflect on my own relationship with my boys. And my relationship with my father. You see, this is my downfall. I have a tendency to over think. As of late, L has asked me why I am so quiet, and I don't even realize I am quiet, because in my mind, things are vocal and loud.

This posting is becoming longer than I planned. I guess, for those of you who read this and follow our story, if you could take some time in whatever manner you choose --- prayer, happy thoughts, etc. --- to send kind vibrations towards the North to help the people that I love in their moment of grief, it would be much appreciated.

All the best,
S

Why hello there

L pointed out to me last night that it had been over a month since I had last posted anything to the blog, which is somewhat odd, given that at the beginning of the year I was posting on a close to daily basis. I suppose that at the beginning of the year, things were different, as we were just starting to really get into the ebb and flow of this relationship so it seemed that there was something new to report on a daily basis.

I suspect that those that follow of us on a regular basis would wonder if the lack of posting had something to do with a slide in our relationship, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Oh, yes, we had a couple of moments of drama since the last posting, but nothing that we couldn't work for in our own special way. We had a mini vacation of sorts when L interviewed for a job in another state and I went with her. We had a great four days together of no kids, some fun hotel room play, and she got to meet my parents for the first time. She was offered the job and we toyed briefly with the idea of actually moving but ultimately decided to stay nestled in where we are now, in the place where we have been slowly but surely forming our life together, and becoming a family.

Oh, there have been things to write about as far as TTWD, but most of it would be stuff I have posted before, and I think I have done plenty of writing and sharing with you along those lines. Nothing has become mundane or boring by any means, it's still all rather exciting and fulfilling. Our roles are firmly established. It is rare when L has to be punished for anything, she has, more and more, embraced her submissive side while finding a balance with her sassy side that I have accepted and -- please don't tell her this --- really love about her.

The cane still comes out. As does the flogger. Each of these items have the ability to her into a dripping puddle down below. She wears her collar every night to bed and brings me my coffee first thing in the morning. She reports her whereabouts to me when we are not together. She is the sub, and I am the Dom, and for close to 100% of the time, those roles are clear and defined.

L also pointed out to me last night that it seems there are a lot of other bloggers we follow that have started posting less and less. One of them, The Dish with Ward and June, came to a halt altogether. As they said in the blog: "Sometimes there is just nothing left to say, and I guess this is one of those times."

That's not the case with L and I. I think we still have a lot to say. Despite what I have said above, there is still a lot ahead of us not just in our D/s journey, but in so many areas as well. There will be marriage, integration of families, further growth and discovery.

And as far as TTWD --- and what happens behind the bedroom door --- there will be more to share in that area, and that is one of the reasons you kinky motherfuckers are reading this blog in the first place, isn't it? L told me the other day that I don't seem to push her limits much anymore so I will need to step up things there. And we are starting to get to the point where we are looking at opening our bedroom door to a third. I'm actually "interviewing" two local Doms who I met online who expressed interest in joining us for a session.

So things are good. We're still here. L is lying next to me in bed as I write this, we are settling in for the night. L is reading as I write, and I glance over from time to time to see the view that I am sharing with you to the left. She's freshly showered, smells wonderful, and is wearing a nightgown with no panties underneath. She's anxious to read what I am writing.

I'm about ready to be done writing so I can slide my hand up her thigh...under the nightgown...to the pussy that I own.

I'm ready to call it a night with you, faithful and patient readers.

But my night with L?

It's only just begun.

"Am I off the hook tonight?"

It never fails. Like clockwork, every night, L prior to bedtime, will ask the same question:

"Am I off the hook tonight?"

What she is hoping for...or at least, what she pretends to be hoping for, is that by being "off the hook" the cane or the flogger will not make their usual evening appearance, her ass will be spared from any type of spanking; that the evening will be a vanilla one where we will simply cuddle and watch her favorite shows on Bravo (by the way, the invention of the Bravo channel is living proof that God is a woman who is vengeful against man for all of his evils over the years), and that will be that.

I don't think she ever truly wants that.

Because, you know: Yawn.

She tries to find her ways out of it. Will ask me if I am too tired to do anything. Try to present it as if she is looking out for me, that perhaps I should sleep and be well rested.

Sweet girl.

Sweet silly girl.

Sweet silly girl, who, every night, is never let off the hook.

I have made mistakes over the last year and a half in our D/s relationship by not being consistent in how I handle L, and it has caused us problems before, so I make it a point to avoid doing that in every instance. I do believe that by asking me "Am I off the hook tonight?" that she is testing me, to see if I will let her off the hook, but I don't do that.

Even if I am really, really tired.

The cane or the flogger come out every night, and sometimes it only comes down across her ass 500 times, and sometimes it is close to 2,000, but the point is...it does come out, and no one...is let "off the hook."

Including myself.

In a good place (written by L)

So S has finally wrote a new post on his blog.  We have been super busy as usual but also I think we have just been caught up in us for a while.  It hasn't been all smooth sailing of course.  I had a deviated syptum fixed and it was horrible.  Both eyes were black and my entire face was swollen....had a huge cast on my nose for 6 weeks.  Just lovely.  S was completely understanding and pampered me.  It was a bit depressing there towards the end as it just seemed like forever that I didn't feel like myself.....the double takes and looks from people when I went out.  The looks S would get from people who were certain that he had done that to me.  Then of course it interfered with our sex big time.  I felt like putting a damn bag over my face sometimes and I'm sure S got tired of looking at it.....and it was difficult and down right impossible to do certain things.  It came off on Monday and we have been making up for lost time.  I have some worshipping to tend to tonight.

 

I read this somewhere: One of the most frequent complaints of submissive's is that they desire more strictness in their D/s relationship.  When I first read that I thought they had done gone lost their mind.  Now, once again, I totally get it.  S has ramped things up.  Nothing is forgotten, nothing is put off until later if he can help it and nothing gets by him.  Before it was......oh god, I believe I called it....his wishy washy dominating.  Well, no more.  Before he would tell me what we were going to do that evening, that we were going to his place and all the things he was going to do to me.  Then when the time came, nothing, no mention of it and when I would ask he would say it got too late or something along those lines.  It was more than not following through or being inconsistent with everything, it was just not being dominate....not as dominate as I wanted, craved....needed.  Thankfully with a ton of communication, we have reached a level that is good for us both....for now, who knows as it seems our relationship is ever changing (for the better thank god).  My bottom is constantly bruised....my expectations are high and anything forgotten is dealt with quickly.  Punishments are given and no matter how much I try to get out of it I only get more and harder if I move.  I am able to go under fast and deep most times and find what I call my fuzzy place which I love.  My desire to please S is at an all time high.  Things are good.  With all this now in place, it seems our love for each other has grown even more.  I am crazy about him and when he gives me his look I just about melt.  Anyway, glad he is back to posting on his blog and sorry to anyone who might have missed us this month.

We're Still Here...

Sorry for the delay in posting. Been a busy summer in our neck of the woods, but now, here we are, summer is fading away. This happens all too soon in the Far North. Today I spent the day preparing the yard for the upcoming winter season, which can last upwards to seven months. We are still not fully immersed into fall, but here, autumn is fleeting. It comes in for what seems to be less than two weeks, a fast and furious flourish of brilliant colors before, all of a sudden, there are no leaves on the trees. A chill comes across the air, and we start scraping frost off of our windshields in the morning. The gray clouds roll in, and one morning we wake up to a light covering of snow on the ground. A week later, more.

We settle in for the long haul.

We hibernate.

And within the warmth of our king size bed at night, we enjoy life, regardless of what Mother Nature throws our way.

Ok, now that I've gotten all Henry David Thoreau on your asses, let me get back to what you most likely came here to read.

You know...the fucking. And whatnot.

The last few weeks since I last posted have been very, very good ones for pet and I.

I suppose the main change that has occurred is a new level of  "Dommi-ness" that I have discovered within myself. Where it came from, I don't know. I suppose part of it is me figuring myself out some more and what I truly desired, and at the same time, realizing that the greater intensity of my dominance, the better pet reacts. I think there have been times in the past where I have waited for her to emerge as a submissive, and from that point of submission, I would draw upon her to get the strength I needed to be Dominant.

But it doesn't work that way. This is not a matter of what comes first, the chicken or the egg...or in this case, the submissive or the Dominant. The Dominant has to come out first, set the tone and dictate the ebb and flow. This in turn put the submissive in motion, and from there, it just gets better. A Dominant cannot rest on his laurels and say to his pet "Well, if you are not going to act submissive, then I am going to act Dominant." It starts with him, and once the ball (or in this case, ball gag) starts rolling, it continues on as a partnership.

And at this point you are saying, "Ok thanks for sharing, but once again...what about the fucking?"

Oh yeah.

That.

Well, all of THAT has been very, very good as a result of my new found ultra-Dominance, and there have been some highlights that pet and I have discovered sexually the last few weeks.

For instance:

• Pet has maintained that female ejaculation is a myth, and anytime we have seen it happen in movies, she dismisses it as peeing. So imagine her surprise during one hardcore fuck session my dear little girl, who is a sopping wet mess around me as it is, drenched my cock and the bed sheets with what can best be described as a "gush."

• Twice now pet has managed to orgasm through just being spanked alone, once with the cane and once with the flogger.

• Breath play has been a regular part of our session as of late, and we have both found immense thrill in this new found activity. In between sessions with the cane or flogger, I will wrap my rather large hand around pet's neck and squeeze while my other hand explores her soaking sex. With breath play, it takes the control factor to a while new level. Not only do I control all the sexual aspects of pet -- when she can come, owning and controlling her pussy and ass and all that she is -- but with the breath play, I control when she can breathe. It is a very, very intense feeling in the middle of a session, and for pet, when it happens, she has surrendered every aspect of all that she is to me, her Sir.

Beyond all of that, though, is the psychological aspect of TTWD and the balance we now have. Pet's desire to please me has never been stronger. My desire to control her has never been stronger. We feed off of each other's desires, both in and out of the bedroom. Gone are the days when pet was never sure what was going to happen with me because I tended to be inconsistent. She avoids punishments at all costs, knowing that they will be dealt with quickly and unpleasantly.

This is all good, because going back to my attempts to be all literary in the beginning, a long winter is coming, and the better we are, the better the season can go. 

We are talking about where we are going from here, feeding off our carnality. At night in the middle of sessions I talk to her about sharing her with another Dom. I whisper in her ear as I fuck her from behind if she would like to have another Dom's cock in her mouth at the same time. I spread her cunt open and tell her how I would love for another to see what a wet little pussy I own. I ask her if she could share her Master's cock with another sub, how she would feel about bringing another sub into the bed with us and have the two of them pleasure me at my command. 

She tells me: "Whatever pleases you Sir."

And when I describe these things to her, she drips.

So yes, we are still here. And we are doing quite well.

And a year and a half into this world, and into sharing our story with you on this blog, it's undoubtedly the case that we are going to have much more to share.

Cock worshipping sub

I'm a big fan of the blog Cock Worshipping Subs, which, as the name applies is a blog setup for subs who worship their Master's cocks. There are a variety of contributors to the blog, and the writing is some of the hottest out there.

I like it in part because I own a cock worshipping sub of my own, and thought she will most likely balk at it, I think she should contribute to the blog someday.

As I have mentioned before, she had septum surgery a couple of weeks ago and as a result, hasn't been able to use her magnificent oral skills on me to the extent that either one of us would like. Damn shame, because she is exceptionally talented at...and she loves it as much as I do.

Because, she is, after all, a cock worshipping sub.

Last night I decided to forego any type of spanking with her, which almost never happens, and set aside spanking time for kneeling and cock worship time. I had her kneel between my legs, head down, with my cock against her bowed head. No eye contact. With her hands she began fondling me...running them up and down my shaft, massaging the head, fondling the balls, exploring every inch of me, while I ran my fingers through he hair.

What happened next was bound to happen.

She couldn't resist, and I had no desire to stop her. Her mouth was on me, taking in just the head, and not very much. Slow, sucking, licking of the tip.

For just a little bit.

She had been begging all night to simply be fucked, wanting what had been in her hands to be deep inside of her.

I instructed her to turn over with her extremely bruised ass (thank you, flogger) raised before me and I was not gentle with what happened next, not at all, because if a cock worshipping sub needs to get fucked, she gets fucked.

So I did. Slammed into her hard, turning her to the side for the deepest penetration possible. She whimpered and moaned, said it was too big, but I kept at her relentlessly. She came hard once, then twice, and I soon followed, not stopping thrusting until I had filled her with every last drop.

Such a good cock worshipping sub.

p.s. Oh, the no spanking from last night? That was a one time thing. She slipped on one of the rules today.

{no subject}

Grabbing pet's collar firmly with one hand, pulling it slightly so it is tight on her neck, so that she feels its presence, with my other hand I bring the cane down on her ass.

Again.

Again.

And again.

She whimpers and moans.

And drips.

And I continue.

All the while holding her collar. Claiming her as mine.