Scene from my bedroom

Moving towards anal...

L and I have not had anal sex yet in our time together. She has been intimidated by my size, so I just never pressed her on the issue. Until now.

I sent her an email today to let her know that my plan this week was to help get her ready for anal sex this weekend, that I would do my best to not make it a completely painful experience, that I would use plenty of lube and ease my way in slowly. I didn't want to make the experience akin to a punishment, rather, make it a part of our sex life. I introduced her to anal beads last week, and will use other ways over the next few nights to help get her ready for her Master.

As we entered into this new direction in our relationship, what I have found is that to some extent, pain isn't necessarily a punishment for L and that there are aspects of it that do arouse her. That seems to be commonplace in this world, and I have read in a few other blogs how the intention was for spanking to be a punishment in a D/s setup but then once the sub started moaning with pleasure while the spanks were being administered that it didn't necessarily fit into the punishment arena. One of the things I have enjoyed the most in this has been the physical and somewhat forceful direction of our sex life.  We have had some great rough sex the last two weeks, the type where we both wake up "fuck sore" the next day. Friday night we had a particularly physical session. L has this delicious way of begging for me to fuck her and will try to grab me to pull me inside of her, raising her hips up and literally writhing underneath me like a starving nympho. That night I surprised myself -- and her --- by slapping her across the face a couple of times to reminder her that I would be inside of her when I was ready...

Where was I? Oh yeah, anal sex.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. Not sure if L feels the same way though.

Fantasy.

Email from L on May 3:

"I am your personal whore (seriously) to do as you see fit. I trust you will do what you think is best. I plan on scheduling one of our many trips during a big (whatever you want to call it) so you can bring me out in public in my collar......I will be dressed very nice and do you proud." This totally does it for me. We don't live somewhere where there are BDSM clubs to attend. The idea of going to such a club somewhere with L by my side, collared and leashed, is damn hot. We're an attractive couple, and we look good together, work well together in public. Love the thought of being around others, Dominants and submissives, Masters and slaves, taking in the sights and sounds and feeding off of the sexual energy -- and what that would do to us. I have a voyeuristic streak to me, so would love to push L on this one --- me spanking her in public, etc. Damn straight we will be planning a trip like this soon.

Our D/s contract

L thought it would be a good idea to share our contract, so it is included within this site. Click on the tab at the top to view it. I spent a great amount of time putting it together, drawing some from other contracts I found and adding what we needed for our situation.

What I am pleased about the most with the contract, and I know L is as well, is the second introductory paragraph where I put the reason for the contract and what we are doing into proper context.

Cock praise

A couple of weeks ago I sent L an email telling her to send me an email asking her what she loved about her Master's cock, encouraging her to write it well or risk punishment. This is what she wrote, and despite her wish at the end, just couldn't bring myself to punish her because dammit...it was good.

"Your cock took me completely by surprise and still does to this day.  I was not prepared and don't think I ever will be.  The size is really quite something else.  The thought of you entering me gets me everytime.....takes my breath away.  I get so SOOO wet just thinking about it.  No one ever has had the effect on me that you do.

I hope you hate my words as I would rather be punished by you than rewarded."

Date night

L and I had a very nice date night last night. We went and saw a live performance of Lily Tomlin, which was absolutely hilarious. It was the third night in a matter of five days where I had "dragged" L to going to some artistic/cultural event with me, and though she makes jokes about it, I know that she actually enjoys the opportunity, in part, because she was not accustomed to nice date nights in her previous relationship. I enjoy having her by my side at these events, in particular, sitting in the dark with our hands intertwined and caressing each other's fingers, her head sometimes resting on my shoulder. Afterwards we went and had drinks and appetizers before going back home and to bed.

To bed. These days, bedtime can't come quickly enough. Were it not for the demands of reality (i.e, children) the bedroom would be our permanent place of residence these days. I'm craving L rather intensely these days, and as I sit here writing this at 9a.m. am feeling the familiar rise in my pants that seems to be a constant presence. We had sex...great sex...on a daily basis prior to switching to a D/s relationship, but it feels different now, at least for me. These days, I want to literally consume her when we are in bed together, leave no doubt in her mind that I am her owner as I ravish her body.

And this is not just for my own pleasure. I know the effect I have on L in bed. I know I can make her come easily, can get her into a state where she is literally begging for my cock. I know just the way to taste her..to touch her...to kiss her..to fuck her...that she loves. And therein lies the real source of my power in this relationship. It would be torturous to L to deny her those pleasures, and I have already used denial of orgasms as a punishment.

Last night I ended up taking L from behind, and aside from her being on top, has become my favorite position. Part of it is the visual component, but the other part is the control aspect. The other night at my place I had collared and leashed L and as I fucked her from behind, used the leash to pull her head back. I came hard last night, and afterwards, as we lay there together, I ran my hands over her body, fingers down to her still wet and hungry pussy, and minutes later, L's hand found my cock which had already become hard again. I was then on top of her, pushing her down into the bed as I plunged inside of her.

It was a very nice date night.

Why.

I asked L this morning to email me why she wanted to be my submissive and what it meant to her. She claims that she isn't a writer, but I (usually) love her words and the way she expresses herself at times. Worth sharing, plus I found it quite arousing.

"First off, I wouldn't be submissive to anyone but you.  The trust and communication that is involved is just plain crazy.  I love you, I want to make you happy and please you.  Using your words, you were my submissive for years....which is partly true and I acknowledge that.  To be honest, if I didn't hand you over some control (and you're not the type of person who would want some control, you would want it all) I don't think we would work right now and that terrifies me.  I'm not your submissive because I'm scared you will leave me, I submit to you because I want more than anything to please you....and I think it's always been me.  I have been in charge forever.....even as a kid with my mother....she would take me on trips so I could drive and make the decisions half the time.  Most times they were just damn good ideas and everyone just went with it.  And I think it's good for me/us in the long run.  I get more done.  Even at yoga I found myself holding the poses for longer than I would have as I want to get in shape as it is your body now and it would please you.

Also, it totally does it for me."

Adjustments...

...clearly have to be made, and quickly. L revealed to me this morning, as we laid together naked in her bed, my hand rubbing her back, that things felt normal, that it felt like we were equal. I suspect there are no words more stabbing for a D's sense of power then to have his sub state that she felt like she was his "equal", and my entire body bristled when she revealed that to me. It wasn't any statement that needed a punishment, she was being honest and it wasn't her fault that she felt like she was my equal. She doesn't have the power, I do. Still, I get the sense that she is somewhat enjoying pushing my buttons, responding with smart ass comments to see what my reaction will be.

Last night at dinner I slipped. One of the rules is that she cannot begin eating without my permission, and last night we sat down to dinner I completely forgot about it. She took a bite out of a beet, realized her error, and quickly looked up at me. Had she continued eating without saying anything, I most likely would have forgotten altogether until later that night, when really, it would have been too late. So I let that one go. Looking back, I realize that was a grave mistake, and if I am forgetting rules so quickly, well, this won't work.

Yesterday was our first day back into "reality" after spending the weekend together. We both went back to work, and L confessed after work as she got home and began cooking my dinner and following some of the directives I had given her, that it was hard to transition into this after being in her office all day. Add to that the demands of children and other nuances of life, it makes the initial training period a challenge. That isn't even factoring in our different personalities and how things were in the relationship prior to this endeavor.

If I could have done things differently, the "training" period would have been one isolated to just the two of us, removed from reality, to where it would be 24/7. A boot camp, of sorts, to where every second of her day was spent focusing on me and responding to my commands. It might sound brutal, but what needs to happen is I need to break L down completely and then build her back up again in the manner that I see fit.

"It feels like we are equals," she said.

Adjustments clearly have to be made, and quickly...

Collaring, part II: The wearing

The collaring took place in my living room after we had spent an evening out for drinks and taking in a locally produced movie, which was so bad that L asked if making her watch it was one of her punishments. For both of us, the entire day and the evening was nothing more than foreplay leading up to the moment we both eagerly anticipated.

When we arrived at my place I popped open a bottle of champagne and we smoked a bowl. This was followed by the signing of the contract (like I said below, more on this to come) and I gave her a card that professed my love for her so she was clear that what we were about to do was something I looked at quite seriously.

I presented her with the collar in a red gift bag and as she took her shirt off, she asked that I take it out and put it on her. She lifted up the back of her hair as I put it on, fastening it into place and being careful that it wasn't too tight. After putting it on, she lifted her head up and looked at me in the eyes. L has the most gorgeous eyes, big and brown, and she has a way of looking at me with a puppy dog expression that I knew I was going to have to ignore from here on out when she used that heart-melting look to try and get her way with me.

She looked beautiful.

I leaned in and grabbed the back of her head and our tongues found each other. My hand made its way around her neck where I felt the collar, running my fingers underneath on her neck, and my mouth made its way to the area of her neck under the collar where I kissed and nibbled, my hands taking in and pulling her thick head of hear. Next, I removed the leash from the gift bag and fastened it to the collar as well. Pulling on it, I brought her closer to me, letting the chain drape around her neck and across our mouths where we kissed through it passionately.

I could feel something stirring in me like I had never felt before. L has taken me to the highest sexual peaks I have ever encountered in any relationship, and I was used to having feverish desire for her, but this...this was different. With the collar on there was no question that she had given herself to me, and I wanted to revel in my ownership by completely consuming her. I wanted to tear her clothes from her body and explore every inch of her with my mouth, nibbling, pushing her hard to the floor and forcing myself on her. I wanted to use the leash to drag her to my floor. I wanted to spread her legs apart with my knees and plunge my hard cock deep inside her pussy (side note: L has an amazing pussy that is exceptionally tight and wet at the same time, as she likes to joke with me, I need to write a song about her pussy and I can't help but agree).

I wanted to fuck her, hard and ferocious, pulling at her hair and slapping her across the face. I wanted her to respond back like the bitch of mine that she was, digging her nails into my back, into my ass, as i slammed into her over and over.

In due time.

L reached down and removed my cock from my pants and, using the leash, I pulled her head down towards my crotch where her eager mouth engulfed my tip. Using the chain, I drooped it around so it circled around the base of my cock, and watched, heart pounding and blood flowing, as she took in as much of me as her mouth could contain.

My pet --- my little bitch --- my personal whore was collared. She was mine, and I wanted her like I had never wanted anything in the world before.

Discipline vs. punishment

Knowing the difference between the two of these, I am finding, is of critical importance to make this work. They are completely different, but, at times, overlapping principles. I'm finding that understanding the two of them, knowing when they are used, and...most importantly...being consistent is key to a successful D/s relationship, and that if it doesn't work, it's not the submissive's fault --- the Dominant is the one with the power and is the trainer/teacher, so he needs to man up to that responsibility, educate himself, and follow thru. It's one thing if the relationship is just sexual in nature and left to BDSM role playing in bed, but quite another if it is ingrained into every aspect of the relationship.

I'm wondering if my boss would grant me annual leave if I told him I needed some time to train myself to be a better Dominant over my pet.

Anyway, I have found this website to be one of the most useful and well written ones to explaining all the various nuances of a D/s relationship. This link, in particular, gives great info. on understanding the differences between discipline and punishment.

http://withinreality.com/dispun.html

Collaring, Part I: The purchase

In many ways, Friday, May 4, 2012 was the wedding day for L and I, at least, as close as we were going to come to a wedding for the time being. That being said, the step we were taking in our relationship was in many ways, at least in our minds, much more powerful than the bond that is created between a couple in a traditional marriage. On this day, L was giving her complete self to me: Heart, body, mind and soul --- to do as I wanted for my own personal pleasure and use the power she was relinquishing me to mold her into a better woman.

Yeah, no pressure there.

I’ll write more about the contract of servitude that we both signed that evening later as that is a tale on its own, but for now, let’s talk about the collaring.

We both thought there needed to be some sort of physical contract to solidify our new relationship, a wearing of a ring of sorts, and as we explored and researched the world of D/s relationships (in the days leading up to our "marriage" work for both of us literally came to a standstill as days in our respective offices were spent pouring through D/s blogs and websites…never before did I utilize the “Clear History” feature on my web browser than I did that week…) both found attraction at the act of collaring. L initially had some concerns with the thought that it might be degrading, but as she read into it (and also after I made her watch a BDSM-themed porno called “Bound”) found the prospects of it too be exciting and became just as eager as me.

***

Email from L on Thursday, May 3 at 11:30p.m.

I absolutely cannot wait for you to collar me. I plan on being the best for you and will try my best not to screw up....and if I do....which I will...and be punished as I should....I know you will only be doing it out of love and in my/our best interest.

***

I purchased the collar the night before at the local Petco, and as I perused the section, tried to overlook the fact that I was finding shopping at a local pet store to be an arousing errand. I shared the collar aisle with a young family who were trying on collars on their Labrador puppy while with each collar I picked up, I tried to picture how it would look around the neck of my sweet submissive L. I did not take this endeavor lightly, because it needed to be just right. Just right. Not only the collar, but just as importantly, in my mind, was the leash. I finally found the right combination. 


The collar was black leather, about a 1/2" wide, adorned with raised silver diamonds. I knew without a doubt that I wanted the leash to have a chain, and settled on one with a red strap handle that I realized could serve a dual purpose of not only controlling my new pet, but also to be administered across her ass if need be.

***

Text exchange between S and L on Thursday, May 3, at 5:15p.m.

S: I’m happy with my purchase.L: If there’s velcro involved I’m taking you out.

S: Watch your tone.

L: I have one last night buddy. Just kidding. I will.

S: Hmm. Ok. One last night.

***

One of the biggest challenges I was going to have with the taming of L was going to be her mouth. She is a self-professed smart ass of monumental proportions, often times never thinking before opening her mouth or firing off a smarmy email or text message. This inability to think before typing/talking, and, at one point, her anger management issues, has caused problems in our relationship in the past, and with this shift in power and handing control over to me, I knew this was an area that was going to need immediate attention and correction.


I had my work cut out for me.

One last night.