Hard to believe it has been more than a month since the last posting to
this blog. Especially when, once upon a time, when all of this was new,
postings occurred on an almost daily basis. Not that my lack of postings is a
rarity in the blogging world, when writers are at their most prolific in the
beginning stages and tend to taper off after a certain amount of time. What
started off as a flurry of keystrokes and wordsmithing goes to the way side
when the next shiny object is seen in the peripheral vision.
There has been nothing shiny that has distracted me that has
kept me from posting, rather, the issue has been not having much to post about.
When L and I got married more than six months, I predicted
it would result in a shift in our relationship, which was true, I was just
incorrect on the direction it would shift in.
What I thought would happen was that things would escalate,
that having L as my wife and with my last name, would only intensify my
feelings of owning her and Dominating her. Having a submissive girlfriend, and
then fiancée, is one thing, but having a submissive wife? To me, in my mind,
that would be the ultimate.
What happened was not that.
After we got married, over the course of the last six
months, the D/s dynamics tapered off somewhat, to almost vanilla levels at
times. Over the last month, for instance, I took away a couple of our rituals
such as L having to kneel before me and asking for permission to sleep in my
bed with me and the other making her wear her collar to bed (that one was more
due to her developing a rash as a result of her collar, which I had placed on
her on our wedding night). BDSM sessions in bed, once a nightly occurrence,
went down to once a week. Sometimes even less. Other things didn’t change at
all, such as her daily memos.
I’ve thought a lot about why things changed, because that is
what I do. I overanalyze and overthink things. I think to some extent, and I’ve
talked about this on the blog before, is that the D/s dynamics were very
important when we weren’t married because it gave our relationship structure
and definition outside of what a marriage would provide. Getting married
provided an entirely new structure and definition, which in some ways, trumped
what the D/s relationship was providing for us.
In the past, if we ever shifted away from our D/s dynamics,
if I ever dropped the ball, L would act out, effectively pulling me right back
in again to set matters straight. Usually in the bedroom Usually with her bent
over the bed. Usually with pain.
L doesn’t act out anymore, though from time to time she will
push my buttons just to see how I will react. On Christmas night, after one of
our long over due brief but effective sessions, and after I had thoroughly
fucked her, she lay back in bed wearing a perfect for the holidays red negligee
(which just by wearing that woke up the beast in me) and said “It seems a shame
to have a sex toy when you don’t use her properly.”
Button pushed. But also, a good point. Why own a sex toy if
you don’t treat her as one?
That’s not to say we haven’t been having good sex. We have
been having great sex. With me off work this last week, a lot of that good sex
has been happening in the mornings. Not necessarily BDSM or kinky sex. Just a
good hard fucking, the covers pulled up over us in case a child happens to make
their way into the bedroom. A good hard satisfying fuck that leaves us both
worn out afterwards and ready for a morning nap.
The fact that the D/s has not been there as of late doesn’t
mean it has disappeared altogether. Those same thoughts and cravings I have are
still there, and while they might not be there as much as they used to be, they
are still there. But you go for awhile without acting upon them, it is
difficult to veer back towards them in one fell swoop. For both parties
involved.
L will admit, as she did the other night, that she is not as
conditioned as she used to be when things were at their most intense. Sessions
that would have barely resulted in a whimper before cause her pain now. Her
breasts, once a subject of my physical attention on a regular basis, are
sensitive to the slightest touch these days. Getting back into it would have to
be a gradual…and consistent….process.
Those cravings are there.
For both of us.
I will look over at her lying in bed next to me at night,
especially when she is wearing a special outfit for me, and I want nothing more
than to nestle my head between her legs and leave hard an deliberate bite marks
into her inner thighs before I plunge into her cunt with my tongue. I will look
at the outline of her cleavage under whatever she is wearing and I want to yank
it down, revealing her breasts to me, those breasts that she claims are so
sensitive, and I want to twist them and punch them, and leave the same bite
marks in them that I did with her inner thigh.
I want to wrap my hands around her neck and choke her,
controlling her breath.
Punches to the ass. Flogging. Beating. Lashing. Those urges
are still there, quite intense at times, but tend to be the wrong times..too late
at night, kids awake, etc. Sometimes those urges can’t be acted upon, so we just simply fuck.
Did I mention that we fuck well, even with out all of
“that”?
So that is what we are doing, and with a new year just a few
days away, and me just the being the way that I am, I’ll be giving this a lot
more thought. Come May 2017 and it will be our fifth anniversary as a D/s
couple and, later in May, will be our one year anniversary as husband and wife.
S and L…husband and wife, Dominant and submissive. There’s no reason it has to
be one over the other, it’s finding that right balance between the two.
