Thursday, April 30, 2015

"H" is for "Home"

From April 30, 2015:


Remember these words? They are not my own, but at the time I read them, and sent them to you, they so resonated with me.

The bad is that I don't know how to be with you right now. That scares the shit out of me, because I have this feeling that if I'm not with you right now, we'll get lost out there. It's a big, bad world full of twists and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment. A moment that could have changed everything. I don't know what's going on with us and I can't tell you why you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me. But damn, you smell good, like home, and you make excellent coffee. That's got to count for something, right? Call me.

Oh how true those final words are when it comes to how I feel about you.

"You smell good, like home, and you make excellent coffee...."

You are my home, all that is you, and all that we have built together as we stumbled upon each other, two lost souls in this big, bad world.

The world doesn't feel so big and bad anymore.

I love you very much.

So glad I didn't blink and miss the moment.


"G" is for "Gratitude"

From April 29, 2015:


When it comes to you, there are so many things I am grateful for.

So it made sense that this would be the "G" word for today.

Though...there are other words that could have sufficed.

But I am grateful for all that you are and everything that is you, your daily presence in my life, and grateful to fall asleep next to you every night and wake up to you every day because there were times when that was just not possible, nor did it seem like it ever would be possible. 

I am grateful for the warmth of your constant touches and the gift of your submission; the glow of your smile; for the kindness in your heart, your sass, your trust and faith and confidence in me and the love that you have shown me.

Every time I slide inside of you, that moment when I first penetrate you, I am grateful for your cunt and the exquisite kinkiness that is our sex life.  And all of the many, many other things that make up your sexual spirit.

I am grateful for the things we have done, and grateful knowing that there is so much more to come.

I am grateful to grow old with you and that we never will have to be alone or lonely again.

And that is what I have to say today.

I love you very much.


"F" is for "Fantasy"

From April 28, 2015:


One of the gifts you have given me when you agreed to be my submissive is to allow me to explore my rather strong sexual fantasies with you; to take them from the deep recesses of my mind and sprawl them out in the bedroom.

And I have fulfilled many with you, some I did not even realize I had. I think back to some of the things we have done over the years, and often times they are very clear in my head and often times I have to struggle to remember just how they went down because of the sheer intensity of them.

I have a very sexually active mind, more so than you might even know. I have fantasies of you..of us..that come up quite often.

We have lived out quite a few of them.

But as you know, there are more that I still want.

I'm not sure if I could list a single favorite one. I think Club Collette is certainly at the top of the list, but, then again, the time that I had you wait for me in my cabin and I came in and raped you is high up there as well, as is the time I tied you to a chair in a hotel room and cut your clothes off of you. Each of our encounters where I have shared you with another man are up there as well; not all of them at the same level though. 

These fantasies...these "ideas" that consume my somewhat twisted thoughts, occur quite often. But it is because of who you are and what you mean to me that these fantasies are so vivid, are such a turn on to me. They arouse me because the person on the receiving end of them is you. You are the one who brought this highly sexual side out of me. Yes, it was there, but without you, perhaps a lot of it would have been ignored. 

I would love to bring out more of your fantasies. I know we have talked about this, you have said you do not have any...but I know you do. I know that an important part of this relationship to you is that you can pretend that you do not have some of the same thoughts that I do and simply go along with what I say as that makes you a good girl as opposed to the kinky insatiable slut that you are. 

I'm fine with that. I get a dripping wet fucktoy in other case, whether you share or not. That being said..nothing makes me come harder than when you reveal something, something kinky and fantasy oriented, when we are in the middle of fucking.

I have fantasies. Some of them are not very nice.

I have fantasies.

But more importantly, I have a fantasy woman to share them with.

I love you very much.


"E" is for "Equal"

From April 27, 2015:


Despite the dynamics of our relationship, I have always, from day one, viewed you as being my equal.

I think that a true D/s relationship should be that way. I might do certain things to you, mainly in the bedroom, of course, that don't make it appear as if you are an equal. Calling you a slut, a fucktoy, doing all of those things to you that make it appear as if I have all of the power in the relationship. Shoving my cock deep down your throat, fucking your face...the beating. All of the beating!

From the outsider's perspective, that doesn't necessarily shout "equal", does it? That there would be times when you kneel before me in the shower, looking up at me, your face inches from my cock as I let loose a stream of hot piss that covers your face and your tits, marking my territory, enjoying the feeling of degrading you and treating you like an object.

(Long overdue for that again.)

Where, one might ask, is the equality in that?

You bring to this relationship strengths that I do not necessarily have and that I rely on. We give and take from each other, rely on each other, feast off of each other. You are there for me to lean on as much as I am here for you to lean on. 

I do not think I am any better than you, or that you any less than me. 

You are my equal, in every way possible.

That being said.

I still think of you as being my fucktoy, as being my slut, an object to abuse; a cum depository, a whore to share with others, to cater to my needs, domestically and sexually. In  a house void of children, I have no doubt you would be my slave, and you would be spending a considerable amount more time wearing a collar and little else; that I would happily use you in many other ways, as a piece of furniture, a toilet, and many other things.

So many things.

But with each one of them, underneath it all, you would always remain my absolute equal, and through all of it, my reasons for doing those things would always be driven by absolute love and adoration for you.


"D" is for "Discipline"

From April 24, 2015:


I bet you did not see that coming.

That was one of the reasons we entered into this of many...was so that I could provide some guidance and discipline in your life and in your relationship with me. 

There was a time when punishments occurred on a fairly regular basis. Now, not so much. They don't happen that often at all, it seems. You have, over the last three years, conformed quite nicely to meet my expectations as far as what I want out of you and how I want you to be. I think I have done a good job on my end of making sure that is maintained while at the same time not stripping you of your quirky personality and sassy behavior. As you say, I don't want a submissive robot; how boring would that be! I like you with a little sass, unless it crosses over into disrespect, then we have a problem which will be dealt with accordingly.

I think that perhaps there is a small part of you that might miss the mindfuck that is the anticipation of a punishment. The waiting game. Will I require you to be naked and collared and sit in the corner to give you some time to think of your actions? Will it be physical, quickly removing my belt and shoving you down on the bed, ass up, and administer a flogging that leaves you whimpering and wet at the same time?

We could both probably use some more discipline in our respective lives, as I think about it, but at the same time, I would not want to take away our spontaneous behaviors that make things quite fun between us.

There are things that could be worked on. You are no closer to stopping smoking completely now than you were when I first collared you. 

I don't think the taming of L is complete, and I hope it never is. There are many ideas I have in the back of my head that I could put in place, new ways to push you mentally and sexually.

Mostly sexually.

It does not have to occur over night. We have our whole life together, and I intend to make the journey as fulfilling and enjoyable for both of us as much as possible. Discovering new things and new experiences, new kinks and pleasures, that will leave us fulfilled for years to come.

I love you very much.


"C" is for "Collared"

From April 23, 2015:


Almost three years ago I collared you for the very first time.

The night before the collaring ceremony you had sent me the following email. You had went out with your friends and I think we had both looked at that night as being your last night of freedom, of sorts.

I absolutely cannot wait for you to collar me. I plan on being the best for you and will try my best not to screw up....and if I do....which I will...and be punished as I should....I know you will only be doing it out of love and in my/our best interest.

Three years later, and you are still wearing the same collar, and the significance means just as much to us now as it did then. I do look forward to it every night, enjoy putting it around your neck and giving it a tight little pull. I like the way you look in it. Especially when it is the only thing you are wearing. My only complaint about it is that it gets in the way of choking you sometimes.

I don't think we realized back then what a turning point in our relationship that would be..on that evening of May 4, 2012. How it would so solidly define our relationship and how it would keep us afloat during times when we were in danger of sinking.

I love you in your collar. It means a lot to me. It is a physical reminder that you are owned by me.

That being said, three years is time for a new one.

And as much as it means to me, it pales in comparison to what it will mean to me when I slide your wedding ring on your finger, look you in the eyes, and say "I do."


I love you very much.


"B" is for "Breath Play"

From April 22, 2015:


I think out of all the TTWD that have surprised me the most as far my enjoyment level, and what it does to you, is breath play.

It's dangerous and extreme, and very controlling, which is why it does it for me.

And it requires a great deal of trust on your end, especially given your past. You have given many things to me...your heart, mind, soul, and body...but to give me your breath...your quite a powerful gift on your part.

It is quite exhilarating though, and each time I do it, I wonder how far I could go; when does it enter the danger zone. How long could I actually wrap my huge hands around your neck and squeeze? How far under could I take you?

One of my goals is to tightly choke you while we are fucking, right before you are about to come, and time it so that when I release my grip at the same time you come. I suspect that would be a feeling like no other for you.

I have also discovered how much I enjoy squeezing your nose while my cock is deep down your throat.

It's all very hot to think of. Very fortunate to have such a kinky fucktoy like you to experiment with and push things to the limit.

I love you very much.


Wednesday, April 22, 2015

"A" is for "Adoration"

I've decided that over the course of the next 26 days my daily memos to my pet are going to be centered around the alphabet, with each posting centered around a word using the letter of the day.

I have no idea how many memos I have sent to L since we entered our D/s relationship over three years ago, how many emails we have exchanged..but it is well into the thousands.

I doubt that I will ever run out of things to say to her.

But this approach gives me a good creative challenge, and gives her something to look forward to more so than usual.

"A" is for "Adoration"

Of course I considered using "Anal" for "A" but that is not how I wanted to start this; would rather choose a word that more properly defines us and my feelings for you. "Anal" would have gone down the path of some fairly sexually explicit writing, and I know that that offends your prudish nature.


But "Adoration" is very applicable, because I certainly do adore you and pretty much everything about you, from the sexual to the non-sexual, and, essentially, the very essence that is you and all of your quirks and nuances. 

I adore your silly words, you happy food dance, your inner beauty as well as your outer beauty, your submissiveness, your kind heart, your strong spirit.

I adore you because you are mine.

I adore your cunt and everything about it -- the way it looks, tastes and smells. The way it {grips} and {squeezes} me when I am inside of you, the way it milks out of me the most intense of orgasms. I do not know why I do not spend more time between your legs, tasting and eating up the cunt that I adore. It is one of my favorite places to be.

I adore you in dresses..the shorter the better...those fan-fucking-tastic legs of yours exposed. I adore you in matching lingerie, in your thongs..

I adore you in nothing at all. Completely naked and in front of me, a canvas and fucktoy for me to enjoy as I wish.

I adore you because I love you with all of my heart, and you love me with all of yours, and in this big bad world, that is all that really matters.


Tuesday, April 14, 2015

We Are Not Perfect

L accompanied me on a business trip to Las Vegas last week, and while one would think that the city of sin would open the door to many kinky opportunities for us. We discussed going to one of the local swinger's clubs to watch and be watched, and I did put a query out looking for a local Dom to share my pet with. Being Las Vegas, the requests were numerous. Being that I advertised through Craigslist, most of the requests were pathetic. There was one Dominant who replied who clearly was quite experienced, much more than I, and I considered inviting him with the main reason I thought I could perhaps learn new tricks of the trade from him.

But none of those things happened during our brief stay there, though we did of course make good use of our suite at the Bellagio to make some noise that I suspect the guests in the room next to ours did not appreciate.

On our final night we had an argument. It is rare that they happen anymore, but we had one, and we were both fairly upset to the extent that on our final night, L slept without her collar on, my collection of toys remained in the nightstand next to my side of the bed, and, in fact, we did not even have sex. That in itself is a rarity.

The tension continued the next morning, and we checked out and enjoyed some time by the pool before we went to the airport. The difficult part there was that we were going in separate directions...L was heading to Arizona to visit her brother for a few days and I was heading back home. We parted just fine...with hugs and kisses and wishes of love...but facing time apart after an evening of tension left me completely off balance. Because I travel so much for my job, right before I leave, we always have a very good session to set the stage during the time we are apart.

So it felt odd, even though neither one of us were mad at each other. By the next day we were back to the usual exchange of dirty texts and emails that always take place during our time apart.

We are not perfect. Being in a D/s relationship does not mean we are immune from the challenges and obstacles that regular couples face. Being a submissive does not exempt L from arguing with me or being upset with me, and me being Dominant does not mean I can condemn or punish L when I am upset with her. During those times, the vanilla creeps in.

Thankfully, those times are very rare.

It has been four nights apart. L gets back late, late tonight (2 in the morning) and I will be at the airport to pick her up, and bring her back home to our bed (thank goodness home is about five minutes from the airport) and despite the late hour and the fact I will have to get up in four hours, we are going to fuck. No flogging or TTWD, we will crawl in between the covers, and any tension that might have been held over from five days ago, will promptly be fucked away.  I have no doubts that despite its briefness...who needs a marathon fuck at 3a.m. on a work night? will be very, very good for both of us.

A return fuck tonight. Tomorrow night, the collar comes back out and a certain pet will be kneeled over the bed and the toys that stayed in the nightstand of our hotel room a few nights ago in Vegas will come out of the closet and be used. Things will be back to normal.

We are not perfect, nor do we necessarily want to be.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Branching Out

I recently decided to expand my writing into other forums besides this blog and am starting to contribute to an online sex magazine called "Simply Sxy." My first submission appeared today:

I am writing under the moniker "Ward" as opposed to "S" or "Master49" (starting to feel a bit schizophrenic here!). Though I am going to touch upon subjects that are familiar to readers of this blog, I plan to talk more about sex and kink in the suburbs; the wild and crazy shit that happens in the bedrooms of good homes owned by good people who have good white picket fences. Good kids, good jobs..good good good!

But in the bedroom?

Bad, bad bad.

It's a subject matter that interests me, the sex lives and fantasies of everyday folks. I have always admired the books by Nancy Friday, who spent many years chronicling the fantasies of both men and women, in a variety of topics, ranging from the vanilla to the exceptionally taboo.

I'm a Dominant, but I am also just a very sexual person in general, and perhaps the two are not separated. I cannot imagine being a Dominant and not having a high sex drive, though there are components of Dominance that do not include sex.

It's easy throughout the day for me to have my mind wander to thoughts of sex, no matter the situation, and in those instance, I will usually text L to tell her how much I enjoy her cunt or some sort message. Then I will put my phone away, and resume my focus at my business meeting.

I find sex and the erotic in a lot of areas. One of mine and L's favorite shows is the Showtime series "Shameless" and in the opening credits, members of the family go in and out of the bathroom. Here it is for your viewing:

That scene right there is the one I find VERY erotic. It's the oldest daughter of the family, and in her scene in the opening credits, she goes into the bathroom, sits on the toilet, pulls her panties down, does her business, stand up, pulls her panties back up, and leaves the bathroom.

Very hot.

I find it hot because of the style of her panties, the bareness of her legs, and the sheer fact that she is taking a piss. When I told L on how I found this erotic the other night, she pointed out the fact that she also didn't wipe afterwards.

I like raw, so there is a rawness to it that I find hot. But I think why I find it so hot is that L does this all of the time in front of me, and almost everyday she will leave the door to the bathroom wide open in the morning as she sits there, panties around her ankles as she takes a piss. I hear her piss splash into the toilet, streaming out of the cunt that I just fucked and often times slapped the night before, and I watch as she wipes herself out (unlike Fiona from "Shameless"). It turns me on, SHE turns me on because of her openness.

So that is where my mind is a lot, wrapped around sexual ideas and thoughts, connected back to what I do to L, and I wish, at times, I could shut these thoughts off, because it distracts me during the day, and sometimes those thoughts result in physical reaction, and all of a sudden, I am the junior high kid trying to figure out how to use a textbook to conceal himself as he walks up to the front of the classroom.

That's my life.

And I wonder if others have these thoughts, others in business meetings and others in the houses in our white picket fence neighborhood. And do they get to live these thoughts out? I can't be the only one in our large neighborhood who comes home to a sex slave/fucktoy every day...but maybe I am.

Maybe I am just lucky like that.