in times of sorrow

To those who have read our blog over the last year and a half, you know that there have been external factors that have had a significant impact on mine and L's relationship. There has been her husband, whom she has been estranged from for years now, who has been dying of cancer, and there has been my separation from my boys.

This will not be a lengthy post. I simply want to say that this afternoon the father of L's children passed away.

Though all knew this was coming, there is a tremendous amount of sadness in the household this evening. And will be for days to come. As one can imagine. L has talked about the abuse in her marriage before on this blog, but none of this matters now as three boys, whom I have come to love and take care of as if they were my own, struggle to understand and accept why this happened.

This has nothing to do with the past, it is about the present, and about grief and sorrow, and moving forward. I am a man with a big heart, and I feel and absorb their sadness, and look for ways to help them through this. I want to be the stabilizing factor that keeps them afloat and able to move forward, while, at the same time, giving them the space they need to grieve.

 Long before I became a Dominant, I have always had the White Knight Syndrome, of wanting to be rescuer and provider, the one who brings peace and security to people I love and care for when times and turbulent.

I want to do that and will do that. At the same time, it makes me reflect on my own relationship with my boys. And my relationship with my father. You see, this is my downfall. I have a tendency to over think. As of late, L has asked me why I am so quiet, and I don't even realize I am quiet, because in my mind, things are vocal and loud.

This posting is becoming longer than I planned. I guess, for those of you who read this and follow our story, if you could take some time in whatever manner you choose --- prayer, happy thoughts, etc. --- to send kind vibrations towards the North to help the people that I love in their moment of grief, it would be much appreciated.

All the best,
S

Why hello there

L pointed out to me last night that it had been over a month since I had last posted anything to the blog, which is somewhat odd, given that at the beginning of the year I was posting on a close to daily basis. I suppose that at the beginning of the year, things were different, as we were just starting to really get into the ebb and flow of this relationship so it seemed that there was something new to report on a daily basis.

I suspect that those that follow of us on a regular basis would wonder if the lack of posting had something to do with a slide in our relationship, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Oh, yes, we had a couple of moments of drama since the last posting, but nothing that we couldn't work for in our own special way. We had a mini vacation of sorts when L interviewed for a job in another state and I went with her. We had a great four days together of no kids, some fun hotel room play, and she got to meet my parents for the first time. She was offered the job and we toyed briefly with the idea of actually moving but ultimately decided to stay nestled in where we are now, in the place where we have been slowly but surely forming our life together, and becoming a family.

Oh, there have been things to write about as far as TTWD, but most of it would be stuff I have posted before, and I think I have done plenty of writing and sharing with you along those lines. Nothing has become mundane or boring by any means, it's still all rather exciting and fulfilling. Our roles are firmly established. It is rare when L has to be punished for anything, she has, more and more, embraced her submissive side while finding a balance with her sassy side that I have accepted and -- please don't tell her this --- really love about her.

The cane still comes out. As does the flogger. Each of these items have the ability to her into a dripping puddle down below. She wears her collar every night to bed and brings me my coffee first thing in the morning. She reports her whereabouts to me when we are not together. She is the sub, and I am the Dom, and for close to 100% of the time, those roles are clear and defined.

L also pointed out to me last night that it seems there are a lot of other bloggers we follow that have started posting less and less. One of them, The Dish with Ward and June, came to a halt altogether. As they said in the blog: "Sometimes there is just nothing left to say, and I guess this is one of those times."

That's not the case with L and I. I think we still have a lot to say. Despite what I have said above, there is still a lot ahead of us not just in our D/s journey, but in so many areas as well. There will be marriage, integration of families, further growth and discovery.

And as far as TTWD --- and what happens behind the bedroom door --- there will be more to share in that area, and that is one of the reasons you kinky motherfuckers are reading this blog in the first place, isn't it? L told me the other day that I don't seem to push her limits much anymore so I will need to step up things there. And we are starting to get to the point where we are looking at opening our bedroom door to a third. I'm actually "interviewing" two local Doms who I met online who expressed interest in joining us for a session.

So things are good. We're still here. L is lying next to me in bed as I write this, we are settling in for the night. L is reading as I write, and I glance over from time to time to see the view that I am sharing with you to the left. She's freshly showered, smells wonderful, and is wearing a nightgown with no panties underneath. She's anxious to read what I am writing.

I'm about ready to be done writing so I can slide my hand up her thigh...under the nightgown...to the pussy that I own.

I'm ready to call it a night with you, faithful and patient readers.

But my night with L?

It's only just begun.