Sunday, November 10, 2013

in times of sorrow

To those who have read our blog over the last year and a half, you know that there have been external factors that have had a significant impact on mine and L's relationship. There has been her husband, whom she has been estranged from for years now, who has been dying of cancer, and there has been my separation from my boys.

This will not be a lengthy post. I simply want to say that this afternoon the father of L's children passed away.

Though all knew this was coming, there is a tremendous amount of sadness in the household this evening. And will be for days to come. As one can imagine. L has talked about the abuse in her marriage before on this blog, but none of this matters now as three boys, whom I have come to love and take care of as if they were my own, struggle to understand and accept why this happened.

This has nothing to do with the past, it is about the present, and about grief and sorrow, and moving forward. I am a man with a big heart, and I feel and absorb their sadness, and look for ways to help them through this. I want to be the stabilizing factor that keeps them afloat and able to move forward, while, at the same time, giving them the space they need to grieve.

 Long before I became a Dominant, I have always had the White Knight Syndrome, of wanting to be rescuer and provider, the one who brings peace and security to people I love and care for when times and turbulent.

I want to do that and will do that. At the same time, it makes me reflect on my own relationship with my boys. And my relationship with my father. You see, this is my downfall. I have a tendency to over think. As of late, L has asked me why I am so quiet, and I don't even realize I am quiet, because in my mind, things are vocal and loud.

This posting is becoming longer than I planned. I guess, for those of you who read this and follow our story, if you could take some time in whatever manner you choose --- prayer, happy thoughts, etc. --- to send kind vibrations towards the North to help the people that I love in their moment of grief, it would be much appreciated.

All the best,


  1. Praying for you and those you obviously love so dearly.

    hugs to you and L and the boys

  2. My thoughts are with you all. Such a hard time but over time it becomes bearable. It my first time leaving a comment, on your great blog. You are one great man with so much honesty, and a fantastic heart! Respect to you and would love to shake your hand!! Just look after L and the boys the way you do now. On a posative side Lex man has been released from the twat C. My feelings and thoughts arewith you all. Wish i could do more for you all. Germany is a long way from you

    All the best Ashly

  3. My most sincere condolences. I hope everyone finds their way through, and then out, of the sorrow.

  4. My condolences to L and her children, and also my respect to you for the love and care you give them. Regardless of the events of the past, death always brings about mourning in some form. They are lucky to have your support.

  5. I just found your blog for the first time. My prayers go out to you and her and the children. May you all find peace and healing.

  6. Seems more than coincidental that you and L should enter my thoughts over the last two days and that I should come here today to catch up on reading.

    You, L, the children, your families are all in my prayers.

  7. Thank you to all of you for your kind words and condolences. Such wonderful people out there in this world that we live in.

  8. SO fresh still, it will be a long journey. All the best for you and all within the family.


  9. My condolences to L and her children. My thoughts are with you all.