I recently started reading a great book called “The Modern Alpha Male” that gives great advice on how to be confident, assertive man in the 21st century, without the stereotypical mannerisms that occupy being an alpha male. None of it really pertains to what takes place within the realms of a D/s relationship, but it is highly applicable. It gives solid advice on how to be confident in all aspects of life, from relationships to work to inner-reflection.
That’s where it all starts, isn’t it? Being in control of ourselves, being confident about who we are and our place in life. Caring not about what others think, being in control of our emotions and actions. This realization has been an awakening for me as of late. I used to wring my hands over why my sub wasn’t more submissive, why she was not behaving in the way that I wanted her to, but ultimately, it is not her fault, it is mine. I control the situation, and the level of her submissiveness is directly connected to the level of my Dominance and self-confidence.
It all starts with us, we, the Doms --- how we care for ourselves, how we interact in all regards to life. That might seem unfair, but perhaps if you feel that way, you should not sign up to be on the D end of a D/s relationship. The burden is great, but the rewards are even greater. It involves self-control in all aspects of life, work and pleasure, body and diet, etc. With that self-discipline we can demand the same of our significant other. It tires me to think of it, in all honesty, but when she presents herself to me at night, naked and collared, eager to please and serve, that extra effort is more than well worth it.