I asked L to write something up about how things have been going from her perspective, and, in particular, to comment on a maintenance session we had the other night that was by far the most intense yet since entering the D/s relationship.
As you can see from S's postings that we have been through a lot lately and are still standing on the top of shit mountain. I was hoping that the new dynamic of our relationship would help us and for the most part it has. I had to leave town yet again for a week and while gone I was the decision maker. When I got back home it was hard to get back into the groove, S was stressed as usual and wasn't feeling very Masterful. I could tell and it made me feel neglected over time. I for sure don't want to add to his stress or seem needy so just kept quiet, see what happens. Then of course he works a lot, is tired most evenings and his back had been acting up, so there is that also. When we did spend time together it was so....vanilla. Like a normal couple.......which is fine, for some. I threw out there several times that we should just be a "normal" couple as I thought that the pressure of having to be my Master was just too much (I had been acting out a bit mostly wanting attention but once I saw just how down he was, I stopped).
In a previous post, when asked what was one of my favorite things about D/s it was that there were no doubts. How do you serve someone who has huge doubts about themselves? Makes it hard sometimes. S has said before that he cannot control a lot of the aspects of his life and that being able to come home to me and know that he can be in control there was a good thing. So how am I suppose to feel when he comes home and does not control anything? Confused, wanting attention...the list could go on.
I have been spanked many times by S and most of it fell under the punishment category and did nothing but hurt. Yesterday was the first time he spanked me for a period of time and not so hard. Wow. I swear at the end of it he could have caned me. It was just what we needed. Don't get me wrong, we still have a lot to work on....we haven't been communicating as much as we should for one thing. We have no consistency....sometimes I get in trouble for something and other times it's overlooked, shit like that. But we are aware and are working on it. I know being D/s is helping though and trust S completely. I'm sure we wont be on top of shit mountain forever!