Friday, September 21, 2012

"Shit mountain"

I asked L to write something up about how things have been going from her perspective, and, in particular, to comment on a maintenance session we had the other night that was by far the most intense yet since entering the D/s relationship.

As you can see from S's postings that we have been through a lot lately and are still standing on the top of shit mountain.  I was hoping that the new dynamic of our relationship would help us and for the most part it has.  I had to leave town yet again for a week and while gone I was the decision maker.  When I got back home it was hard to get back into the groove, S was stressed as usual and wasn't feeling very Masterful.  I could tell and it made me feel neglected over time.  I for sure don't want to add to his stress or seem needy so just kept quiet, see what happens.  Then of course he works a lot, is tired most evenings and his back had been acting up, so there is that also.  When we did spend time together it was so....vanilla.  Like a normal couple.......which is fine, for some.  I threw out there several times that we should just be a "normal" couple as I thought that the pressure of having to be my Master was just too much (I had been acting out a bit mostly wanting attention but once I saw just how down he was, I stopped).  
In a previous post, when asked what was one of my favorite things about D/s it was that there were no doubts.  How do you serve someone who has huge doubts about themselves?  Makes it hard sometimes.  S has said before that he cannot control a lot of the aspects of his life and that being able to come home to me and know that he can be in control there was a good thing.  So how am I suppose to feel when he comes home and does not control anything?  Confused, wanting attention...the list could go on.
I have been spanked many times by S and most of it fell under the punishment category and did nothing but hurt.  Yesterday was the first time he spanked me for a period of time and not so hard.  Wow.  I swear at the end of it he could have caned me.  It was just what we needed.  Don't get me wrong, we still have a lot to work on....we haven't been communicating as much as we should for one thing.  We have no consistency....sometimes I get in trouble for something and other times it's overlooked, shit like that.  But we are aware and are working on it.  I know being D/s is helping though and trust S completely.  I'm sure we wont be on top of shit mountain forever!

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry to hear about everything that's been going on and hope things are looking up for you two. You have a very good dynamic with lots of potential.

    hugs, squirrel