Friday, June 7, 2013
I don't like it when L travels and is gone for an amount of time. I really don't. Yes, missing her is part of it, but the other part is that often times, in the past, when she has come back from a trip it has knocked us back a couple of steps in terms of our D/s dynamics. When she is on her own, she takes on a lot of independence and she comes back with that independent spirit still with her, acting as a decision maker and being in control. And not being much of a submissive.
So with her being gone for 11 days, you can bet I had those concerns again. What would I have in my on my hands when she did return?
Well, as I thought, it turns out I am going to have a woman on my hands different than the one who left.
But not in the way I expected.
According to her, she is feeling more submissive than ever, and it is because of the time apart.
TEXT EXCHANGE BETWEEN S AND L ON JUNE 7:
L: This long trip did me some good.
S: With us?
L: For me...finding my sub self even more.
We've talked a lot the last few days about how things are going to be different. How she is going to be even more submissive. How she WANTS to be even more submissive. More wearing of her collar. More kneeling before me. More doing the things that pleases me (read: Swallowing.).
On my hand, I want to be even more Dominant than I have been. More Masterly. Sterner. I have had some good news on my end with a new career presented to me that begins when pet gets back, and being a man of the male gender, having a career is part of how I define myself and gives me confidence. When I suffered career lost back in September, it did take a part of me away, part of what it means, in my mind, to be a man and good provider. The beginning of a new career is a testosterone shot of sorts for me.
However, it is going to make for a busy summer. I will be working my daytime career job and will be working evenings moonlighting as waiter at a local fine dining restaurant, which I have been doing for the last year, and will continue through the summer. Not what I expected to be doing at this point in my life by any means, especially as someone who used to have a high level executive job at the local university. Shit happens. You adjust.
Anyway, it will be a busy summer with some long hours, and as I told L, I am not going to have a lot of patience for "uppity" behavior. I will have an expectation of rules that I set will be followed, guidelines that I establish to be followed, rituals that I require to happen. Deviance from them will not be tolerated.
Fortunately, we seem to be on the same page with that. She is looking to come back ready to please and serve me more than before, and as I have discovered as I have been somewhat lost the last 10 days, I need that...her..in my life...doing those things.
I want...need...to come home at the end of a very long day to find my lovely pet ready to kneel before me, collar on, ready, willing and eager to serve her Master in whatever way I dictate. I need that submission to erase the stress of the day, to set the universe in balance as it exists in my head.
I, in turn, will provide her with that guidance that she wants and craves, will give her all of my love and caring, will do the things to her that I and only I know that she likes...the things that make her feel like a woman and take her to places she has never been.
p.s. Two more sleeps.