Monday, August 11, 2014

Privileges versus rights

A few postings ago I wrote about how I was looking for a new level to take mine and L's D/s relationship. A few postings, and perhaps a few weeks later, I can say that things have changed.

The change that has taken place has been on educating L more on what things in her life with me and us are rights, and which things are privileges. I wanted to help her understand how much she had truly given up, how much she had handed over to me, when she agreed to the terms of our contract and when I proudly collared her.

Because L is really a lucky girl at the end of the day. She is allowed a great amount of freedom given the nature of our relationship and the role she plays. I'm quite kind to her. She will be the first to admit to that. We read stories of what happens in other D/s relationships, have read many blogs and books where the submissive is subject to many restrictions and strict rituals that make ours look pale in comparison.

This is not to say that what they do is the model, or what I was looking for. People do in these relationships what works for them, and one Dom and sub needs does not hold true for everyone.

Still, we can learn from these readings and discovering what others have to say, and as I thought about what I needed out of this relationship, what my expectations of L are, I knew that some of this was in line with the direction that I had been wanting to go in.

Helping L understand those things in her life that are rights.

And those things that are privileges.

Email from S to L on July 28:


As I was saying, it is time to take things up a notch in terms of helping you understand and appreciate those things in your life with me that you have a right to and those things that you are privileged to. Really, though, it is quite simple. Any aspect of your life that has anything to do with me (and, really, that includes everything, as your entire life is supposed to revolve around me) is a privilege. That being said, there are some basic things (a few) that you are entitled to.

One of the best ways I can think of to help you appreciate those things that you are privileged to is to take them away from you for an amount of time so you appreciate them when you do have them. Being able to use your phone in bed to check Facebook and whatnot is a privilege that you get, if you were to not have that for an amount of time, you would recognize it as a privilege. I will not go full board on this right away, maybe small things here and there and make it a work in progress and when all is said and done, you would be so appreciative of the little things that I allow you in life.

One of the biggest privileges you get is to share a bed with me each and every night. It truly is a privilege. You are privileged to get the attention of my hand on you every night, you are privileged to get the pleasure of my cock inside of you, and all of the other things that occur in bed. 

So starting tonight, before we settle in for the night, you will do as follows. You will come over to my side of the bed and kneel before me, head down, and ask:

"Please Sir, may I lie in bed with you tonight?"

I am sure in most instances I will say yes to you, though from time to time to help you appreciate that privilege, I may have you lie down at the foot on the bed, unclothed and untouched, for a short amount of time so that being allowed to lie next to me and receive attention from me (even painful attention) is like heaven. Or I might have you lie on the floor next to me while I am in bed.

This subject of privileges will be an ongoing conversation that I will develop with you, with much more to come.

That being said, here are the short amount of things you are entitled to:

1. You have a right to be taken care of by me.
2. You have a right to be loved me.
3. You have a right for me to be honest and faithtful to you.
4. You have a right to tend to the needs of your children.
5. You have a right to be healthy, mentally and physically.
6. You have a right to be employed.

There might be other. I considered "You have a right to breathe." but you know what, I like to take that right away from you as well, my big hand around your neck and squeezing tightly, watching the reaction on your face, then letting go and watching as you gasp in the air....privileged for that opportunity.

Let me know if any of this is unclear of if you have any questions.


Reply from L to S on July 28:

No questions and thank you for clarifying things.  I will forever be your obedient pet.

Ever since that posting almost two weeks ago, before L has come to bed with me, she has had to do exactly that. She comes over to my side of the bed...sometimes naked, sometimes collared...and kneels before me; head down, no eye contact, as I have directed her. She asks permission to come to bed with me.

I have always said yes so far.

But I take my time.

I take my time and rest my foot on her back and head while she kneels before me. I contemplate the situation. I ask her if she realizes how fortunate she is to lie in bed with me, to be touched by me in the manner that I do; and she says, yes Sir, I do...and then I pause, and then I eventually say "You may come to bed with me," and if she is wearing her collar, I will use it to lift her head and half drag her on to the bed, and then I do.....oh, you know...I do those things to her.

It's added a nice little ritual to our evening, and most definitely sets the tone in a new way for us. I am thinking of other ones to add on, but slowly, and deliberately, because I want them to have some type of meaning to them.

And so it continues.