A few postings ago I wrote about how I was looking for a new level to take mine and L's D/s relationship. A few postings, and perhaps a few weeks later, I can say that things have changed.
The change that has taken place has been on educating L more on what things in her life with me and us are rights, and which things are privileges. I wanted to help her understand how much she had truly given up, how much she had handed over to me, when she agreed to the terms of our contract and when I proudly collared her.
Because L is really a lucky girl at the end of the day. She is allowed a great amount of freedom given the nature of our relationship and the role she plays. I'm quite kind to her. She will be the first to admit to that. We read stories of what happens in other D/s relationships, have read many blogs and books where the submissive is subject to many restrictions and strict rituals that make ours look pale in comparison.
This is not to say that what they do is the model, or what I was looking for. People do in these relationships what works for them, and one Dom and sub needs does not hold true for everyone.
Still, we can learn from these readings and discovering what others have to say, and as I thought about what I needed out of this relationship, what my expectations of L are, I knew that some of this was in line with the direction that I had been wanting to go in.
Helping L understand those things in her life that are rights.
And those things that are privileges.
Email from S to L on July 28:
Ever since that posting almost two weeks ago, before L has come to bed with me, she has had to do exactly that. She comes over to my side of the bed...sometimes naked, sometimes collared...and kneels before me; head down, no eye contact, as I have directed her. She asks permission to come to bed with me.
I have always said yes so far.
But I take my time.
I take my time and rest my foot on her back and head while she kneels before me. I contemplate the situation. I ask her if she realizes how fortunate she is to lie in bed with me, to be touched by me in the manner that I do; and she says, yes Sir, I do...and then I pause, and then I eventually say "You may come to bed with me," and if she is wearing her collar, I will use it to lift her head and half drag her on to the bed, and then I do.....oh, you know...I do those things to her.
It's added a nice little ritual to our evening, and most definitely sets the tone in a new way for us. I am thinking of other ones to add on, but slowly, and deliberately, because I want them to have some type of meaning to them.
And so it continues.