I have commented on this blog before about the fact that I have two sons from my first marriage who live with their mom close to 3,000 miles away. This has been the case for four years now, and has always been an empty space in my heart, no matter how good my situation with L and her boys has been. I love being a father, I love my son, and not having them with me...they are ages 7 and 14...has always been so hard. Birthdays and holidays via Skype. Missing once in a lifetime opportunities, from graduating kindergarten to starting high school.
All of that has changed, and all of a sudden.
My older son called me on Monday to inform me of some good news --- the boys and their mom were moving back home, and it was happening within 24 hours. It was intended as a Christmas surprise, which it most certainly was --- it has been six days since that announcement, and I am still in shock. I have gone, in the course of days, from being a father who this last time went close to two years without seeing his boys to now being able to see them everyday.
It is hard for me to articulate just how major this is in my life. I have always felt like I have lived in two worlds, my world with L and her boys and my world with my own children, which was sadly starting to fade away.
No more. This week, two worlds collided. My boys have spent many hours over here at our house, getting to know L and her boys. It is going to take some time. There will be some feelings of jealousy, as my time and attention has to be spread among four boys boys now. L has to get to know my boys, and they have to get to know her....their future stepmom.
So far, so good. We're all in a bit of a shock, I think. I know I am. It's a refreshing feeling to be given everything that you want, but at the same time, now that I have it, I have to figure out what to do with it. It is the ultimate balancing act.
This post has nothing to do with my D/s relationship with L, but it is significant enough to post about it. Our life is not all BDSM and D/s, there are many other woven layers of our lives...that has always been the case...and now, those layers have been added.
I couldn't be happier.
My boys are not spending the night with us yet, we are going to work towards that. My youngest son has autism and is very dependent on schedules and consistency, so our merger is a gradual one.
Tonight when I said goodbye to them we were able to use the clock to determine when we would see each other again.
It used to be a calendar.