In the beginning there was no knowledge or understanding of D/s.
But there is now.
It is hard to believe that it will have been close to three years now since you first signed the contract and the first time I put a collar around your neck. Three years! It has not exactly been the smoothest journey...(fyi, I have blogged about it) but it has certainly been a journey, and the amount of growth that we have had as individuals and as a couple is pretty remarkable. As we have said before, entering the D/s relationship gave a structure that we didn't quite have, and it has really been a rock for us to ground ourselves to.
Your submission means everything to me. It really does. Well, as I write that, there are so many things about you that mean everything to me, but that is certainly at the top of the list. I wish I could describe the rush of having you kneeled before me; I think that act in itself is the one that does it for me the most. Then there is the BDSM...the things that we do in bed. The rush of energy when you first lie across my lap and I slide your panties down, your ass exposed and slightly raised for my hand...my cane..my flogger. Bringing it down across your ass..and then again..and again...the redness appearing, the whimpers emerging, the wetness dripping. Then, when the quietness begins and you start drifting off into subspace, and the realization that I have put you in a place where anything and everything is possible.
I have had many favorite moments with you since this all began. Intense as fuck sessions...the rape reenactment at my old place, the time I tied you up to a chair in a hotel room and cut away at your clothes. The first experimentation with the knife blade, drawing it across your back, leaving a criss cross of marks that lasted for days.
I like to hurt you. I suppose that should be wrong but I do not really care. I like to hurt you because of the pleasure I know it gives you and the pleasure it gives me. Choking you..holy fuck.
This is one of those topics I could write about on and on...so many different aspects of it that mean so much to me.
What I have said above is, of course, just the physical aspect of it.
There is the bigger part, and that is the emotional side. The trust involved..you trusting me to put yourself in my hand in such a vulnerable state. Your strong desire to please me. The fact that I did not claim you so much as you gave yourself to me.
I know I am not a perfect Dom. I probably spend more time thinking how about I can make myself better over how I can make you better, because without me being the best I can be, I cannot easily expect that of you. I wish more than anything for more time for such things..more times for self-improvement, more time for sessions. This will continue to be something we learn from as we move ahead.
More time...that is what I want more than anything. But then I realize that we are in this for life...and we have so many years ahead, so for that matter, there is all the time in the world.
On this Valentine's Week, I thank you for giving me the greatest gift ever. You gave me yourself --- in every sense of the word -- and I love you more than anything for that.
--Your Devoted Sir