Sunday, May 12, 2013

Happy Mother's Day (reflections and thoughts)

It's Mothers Day, and I hope those of you out there who are Doms who have subs who are also mothers that you take the proper time to let them know how much they are appreciated. Having a woman in your life who fully submits to you is indeed a beautiful thing, but having that same woman also be a loving mother is even more is the case with my sub.

My own mother died when I was not quite two years old. My dad remarried a couple of years afterwards, but the woman who ended up being my wicked stepmother was not exactly a maternal and nurturing type, so I never grew up with someone who I would consider a motherly figure. They eventually divorced, and when my dad married again I was 17 and already heading out on my own.

I know really nothing about my mother. My father never really talked about her, aside for drunken evenings later in life when he would apologize for what he felt were bad mistakes he made to me as my father, and would add in how much I took after my mother. I never really knew what to say in those instances, but would try to take my dad's guilt away for him, to tell him that I knew that he was doing the best job he knew how to do, and I faulted him for nothing.

I sometimes wonder what kind of man I would be today had I had a mother figure in my life, not just through my formative years, but even later on, to have that person out there in the world so when times got rough I could pick up the phone and say "Mom, it's me, your son. I need your help."

I'm not sure where I am going with this posting, so bare with me. I tend to get very reflective on Mother's Day about these things. But I'm a reflective man in general, as L told me the other day when we were struggling with things, I am a man with feelings, perhaps more so than most men. I don't know if that is necessarily true so would amend that to say that I am a man with feelings more so than men she has known, who, in her own words, have been neanderthal types.

The fact that L is a mother is one of the things that draws me to her. She's a very good mother, and I see just how important she is to her three boys on a daily basis. And as she has told me, us entering a D/s relationship has made her an even better mother. Made her more patient and not prone to anger as she has before. I have seen that change, recognized it, noticed it in her. Then there is the fact that by being with me, she is happy. And a happy woman makes for a happy mom. I do believe it is this fact that eventually got her older son to come around to me and the idea of me being in their lives, that he saw that my presence was making his mom happy and that is what he, as her first born son, wanted for her.

I have not just taken on the responsibility of caring for L, but all that is a part of her life, and that includes her sons. You can read here L's account of what is happening in her life with their father, who is dying of a terminal illness. In fact, as I write this, she took her two youngest boys to visit him for his birthday. The lifelong journey that L and I are committing to does not just involve the two of us, and it does just not involved cuffs and floggers and canes in the bedroom, no siree bob, it is MUCH bigger than that. There are children, there are responsibilities, and I take it all very seriously.

It's an even bigger world than that. 3,200 miles away are my own two young children, who live with their mother that I have been divorced from for three years. I miss my children terribly. Terribly. I have yet to figure out a way to combine my world with L with my (disappearing) world with my boys, it is a complicated endeavor that I simply don't care to elaborate on right now. But I would like for that to happen. Someday soon.

Enough of that.

Thanks for listening and reading such a...normal...posting. Just thoughts and ideas in my head I wanted to get out there. L is fast asleep in another city, and...well, I can't call up mom and talk to her. You nice readers will have to do for now.

Save. Publish.

Good night.

And happy mother's day to all of the mom's out there. Thanks for all that you do.

p.s. Here's a picture of me and my mom.


  1. Every person cope with thing in different way. When I feel bad because of my past I usualy think that I wouldn't be where I am if those things hadn't had happened.

  2. That was a very poignant, reflective post. I hope it helps to share your past that way.


  3. Beautiful and it takes a wonderful man to appreciate not just his own mother but his partner as a mother. As a mom, thanks for appreciating all of us :)