L responds

Here is L's response to what I wrote about this last weekend. She had an earlier response that she liked much better but it got swallowed up by the Internet gods. I disagree with her that this one "sucks" as there is no such as thing when it comes to what one says in the blogging world. Certainly gives much better insight than my posting into how this weekend went.

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S really "glossed" over the bad this weekend.  We did manage to get through it though and are stronger than before.  More open honest communicating. 

 

In a early posting S had asked me what it was about D/s that appealed to me and my answer (which surprised him) was there was no more doubt.  This weekend brought it all crashing down for me.  When I received the highly intoxicated "FuckYou" text I felt like my world stopped.  I couldnt breath.  Made me doubt my choices.  I felt so angry, alone and unloved.....and a bit like a fool.  Have I made another bad decision?  S of course felt bad and we were able to get past it.....then on Sunday things got even more shitty.    We have been atop shit mountain for so long, we really dont need to add to it.

 

On Monday, we were as vanilla as you could be.  I was wishing for a kind of punishment for a Dom so we could move on even.  You know, like when I get punished, we do it and its over, we dont bring it up again.  S even offered to let me cane him but I just couldn't.  There was no way I was submitting to him (although a vanilla blow job was given....couldn't help myself).  After many emails and conversations, we have actually ramped things up.  We were open and honest with each other.....I told him how I felt and he how he had been feeling....we discussed what changes were needed. 

 

Even with all that we do, I was not feeling very submissive at all.   Things were inconsistent which drives me crazy.  Small changes which are helping us get to where we want/need to be.  S has me kneel before him in the mornings when I bring him his coffee which believe it or not is more effective than 100 whacks from the cane in getting me in the right mindset.   

 

Oh, and if you haven't bought a Hitachi, run, run to the nearest store NOW! 

 

 

(my original comment was waaay longer and waaay better.  This one just sucks)