Tuesday, July 30, 2013

subdrop (written by L)

S has tasked me with writing about yesterday as what happened after the trip up to his house, happened to me.  I didn't bother going back to work, I looked like a hot mess anyway.  I am quite bruised to boot.  So I get home and finding my youngest fast asleep decided it would be a good time to run to the home improvement store for concrete sealant for some concrete I had done over the week.  It is hot here.....hot for here is what I meant...80....85 degrees. 

So I am driving back from the store and had the strangest feeling.  It was weird....feeling like I never have before.  Drained, tired, dizzy....nauseated and just not myself.  If I didn't know any better I would have thought I was pregnant.  I decided to push through it as I had a lot to do.  I sanded and sealed the concrete, then did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen.  I had scheduled a guy to come and look at the fence as we need it replaced. 

All this time I am feeling like I may throw up or pass out.  I am thinking perhaps I spent too much time in the sun....but felt this way before I even went out in the sun.  I had heard the term...crashing after a session......subdrop and after deciding that I had done enough.....went to bed and turned on the AC.  I slept hard for over an hour.  When I woke up, I felt pretty much the same.  I also felt like crying.  Like I could start crying and never stop (no reason, there is not a damn thing I would cry over). 

Thankfully I didn't allow myself to go down this road.  S sent me several text messages concerned and after reading several blogs and googling subdrop, I told him I think I have self diagnosed myself.  It was exactly what I was feeling.  Ugh, it was an awful feeling.  Left me feeling guilty that I didn't get dinner done (I ordered pizza's) or take my son to the park.  I ended up in bed unable to move....trying not to crying.  A basket case.  

I also felt guilt over the time up at S's cabin that day....he wont admit it but I dont think things went as well as he had hoped.....I didnt play my part as well as he had hoped and even made the comment....well, you cant rape the willing.  Then my body crashing like it did was just weird.  I hope I never experience it again.  

Today I am still not 100% but at least lost the sickly feeling and am at work, planning on tackling that concrete tonight. 

Oh, and on one of the many blogs I read, one of the suggestions for helping when in this terrible spot is a little hair of the dog.  So before going to sleep, I was naked with my ass in the air and S delivering some of the cane on which I swore were my bruises (and in my mind I was thinking, damn has he come a long way....I thought with the way I was feeling that he wouldnt want to cane me and then to be caning me on my bruises to boot.  When I asked S he said he avoided them....so sweet).  The caning did help, I felt much better by the time we went to sleep. 


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