The beauty of it all

I love this picture. This defines, in many ways, how a true D/s relationship can be such a damn beautiful thing. It really isn't about what the Dom can take or what the Dom has the power to take, but, rather, it is about what the sub wants to give. And what she wants to give is herself..body, mind heart, and soul; tits, ass and cunt -- she wants to give that all to another to own and control, possess and have, with a degree of trust that is so intense it is fucking electrifying.

This is what it is about, right there.

I have been working off and on with a fellow Dom who is a newcomer to the scene who has been seeking my advice on some things, and the other day we both commented on how incredibly lucky we were to have what we have.

And we are.

We are damn lucky.

I know when my pet presents herself to me in a submissive manner, head down, resting on my lap, hands behind her back, to do as I please, I am being given an incredible gift. But it is a gift that comes with a great deal of responsibility. Just as intense as the trust a sub has with her Dom is the level of responsibility that the Dom has with that trust. We have to be so mindful of our actions and our words. What we as Doms do cannot be taken lightly, cannot be done just when we feel like it, cannot be phoned in. This is the major league. Step up to the plate and do it right or don't step up at all. A woman has given her complete self to you. Do it right.

I am finally coming to terms and better understanding the responsibility I have, and still making mistakes along the way. But I like to think the mistakes are few and far between as of late. L offered her perspective in her post below on the journey she has witnessed me taking as her Master, and I concur with what she says. I do feel it now more than ever, feel Masterful, and now, more than ever, I want do this the right way and step to the plate and swing that bat stronger than ever, because, goddamit, this beautiful woman has given herself to me, and I owe it to her to do this right.

Reflection from L

Well it has almost been a year since we signed the contract.  Freaks me out that the time has gone by so fast.  I still say things like, I am still learning, we are new at this, etc.  It hasn't been an easy year for sure.  Being submissive to S has been easier than I thought at first, it comes quite naturally actually....its all the other stuff in life that has been difficult.

 

In the beginning I was poring over blogs and educating myself on being the best sub I can be and that helped me feel submissive and sometimes helped me find my place....especially when I saw others having the same struggles that I was having.  Now I can say I can look to myself and find my place.....I am in that place always now.  In all the discoveries we have been making, I think one of the lessons that is important is, this is what we do.  We don't need to do what others do.....we do our own thing.  

 

In the past year, S had struggled many times (in the beginning).  He would say things like, I am not feeling very Masterful right now (which to a submissives ears....is like your world crashing down around you.....what you signed your name to, who you kneel before offering mind body and soul to isn't feeling it right now).  I could even sense it when he was slightly depressed and when he was there was no D/s contact and it was just sad.  Other times in the past year, S would send me horrible messages (we have both been guilty of this....) but I knew deep down that under all that, there was a truly good Masterful man.  I knew that if I just kept quiet, kept forgiving, it would all work out.  Boy has it ever.  S is so confident now.  You can tell that he is happy.  His health is better, he has put on some weight which looks really good on him.  All of this combined with us continuing to build our lives together (buying beds, etc.) has my submissiveness at an all time high.  Now I do things because I know it will please S but also because it makes me happy to do so.  I am able to go further than I ever thought possible as I am truly his to do as he wishes.  It makes my day when I can please him and make him happy....and of course about kills me if I disappoint him.  I don't need punishing often but when I do I almost beg to be punished right away so we can let it go.

 

S has something exciting planned for our one year anniversary and we will be in California.  So excited.  Can't top what I gave him last year (myself) but I am sure if I give him the same thing, he wouldn't complain. 

Back to the ass...

EMAIL FROM L TO S ON TUESDAY, MARCH 26

That was by far the furthest you have pushed me so far.  There were at least ten times I thought I would have to tell you to stop.  The ten minutes almost killed me to be honest....I had to dig deep to keep my posture.  Then when you were fucking me....well, you felt me finally relax.....that took all I had to let you go and then after a while it didn't hurt at all. 

L has been needing to have me fuck her in the ass.

She would not agree with that statement; would say, whoa, man, that is not something I need at all. We have only done successful anal one other time, which I wrote about in the following posting. We have tried it a couple of times since then, but even with lots of lube, it was too much for L, and I kindly stopped.

So, ok, L has not necessarily been needing to have me fuck her in the ass, but I have been needing it. It was that time of the month and not wanting to make a mess of the new bed, we opted out of fucking for three days. Which is too many days for both of us. L is required to bring me to a daily orgasm at least once a day, so when you remove regular fucking, and the fact that we're not at the point where she can swallow, we start to remove options. I also have a rule that when I come, I cannot come on myself. There is no reason for me to be coming on myself when I have this wonderful fuck toy with so many different areas to deposit my cum. Needless to say, her skin received quite the coating those three days. My favorite was forcing her to her knees on the floor and sucking me off while I sat on the bed and then at the last minute, making her jerk me off all over her tits.

So that was good, and I did get the orgasms that I require.

But I wanted more.

I wanted penetration.

I wanted to fuck her in the ass.

After corner time the other night, I led her to the bed and began spanking her with the coat hanger (more on spanking in another post) with the idea that after a long enough session of spanking, she would drift into subspace and make the anal sex easier. I spanked her for close to 200 times, and she started to get into the mindset. After the last one, she raised her ass up off the bed even more, as if to signify that she was ready...as ready as she could be.

I properly lubed us both up, then got behind her, my cock hard and throbbing and ready. I pressed the head against her hole and slowly penetrated her...very slowly, and very difficultly. It took about 10 minutes of slow pushing, shifting positions, and then adding more lube.

Then all of a sudden I was all the way inside her ass. All the way inside. As I have said in other postings, L has a deliciously tight pussy, but her ass...something different altogether. She loosened up more and more, and as she said above, got to a point where it no longer hurt. I positioned myself so I could watch myself slide in and out of her (I am a very visual person), my hands grasping either side of her ass I fucked her. 

"Touch yourself while I fuck you," I commanded her, and her fingers made her way to her clit.

I kept the pacing relatively slow and consistent, pulling out about halfway before pushing inside again. The sensation combined with the excitement of the act brought me to orgasm somewhat quickly, and with one last thrust I came deep inside of her...inside of her ass.

The ass that I own and control, and with that exquisite act, own and control more than ever.

Afterwards I held her and kissed her head. "I am so proud of you," I said. "You have pleased me very, very much."

The next day, L began the morning with a little bit of sass that carried through when she got to work and was almost nonchalant in a couple of texts to me. I called her on it, and she explained it to me the following way:

I am not being mouthy today or have an attitude....not at all.....it is more of an, I am proud of myself for pleasing you and being the best sub I can be for you. 

Corner Time

Coming up with punishments for L as of late has not been easy, however, fortunately, because of how far she has come along in what is almost a year of us being in a D/s relationship, she doesn't need them that often. She slips from time to time, as she should, since no sub is perfect and for that matter, no Dom is perfect either. She makes mistakes, but they are few and far between. I'm quite pleased with how far she has come, and quite proud of her. I believe she is putting in more effort than before, in part due to a reason she mentioned in an email to me yesterday:

EMAIL FROM L TO S ON WEDNESDAY, MARCH 27

I almost have no words for how I feel right now.  really don't.  I think I have reached a whole new level of submissiveness.

I completely concur. She has been more submissiveness than ever before, showing it in ways she hasn't in the past. Last night we were in the living room watching "This is 40" with her boys. I was sitting on the couch and she came over, handed me a drink, and sat on the floor at my feet and rested her head on my lap while we watched. It did not appear to be anything out of the normal for the young eyes in the room, just a display of affection. But she knew what it meant. I knew what it meant. And it was very good.

So things are good, but mistakes are sometimes made.

And mistakes are dealt with quickly.

The other day L neglected to deliver not once, but twice, on one of the communication rules we have in place. She is to inform me if she ever leaves her office for anything and inform me when she gets back. Like I said, she is typically quite good on following through, but the other day, her head just wasn't in the right place.

L is quick to pick up on disappointment when it happens, and just her knowing that I am disappointed in her is probably, in some ways, punishment enough for her. She HATES disappointing me, hates when I am upset with her, and I know when she makes mistakes and that happens, it gets her very anxious and eager..desperate, I suppose...to be punished and forgiven so we can move on.

But as I said above, it's not easy coming up with punishments. Punishments regarding pain, such as an extensive and hard spanking, are often times not possible because of the noise and the children hearing.

So with this instance, I elected to go in the opposite direction of pain and put corner time into effect, which has only been used once in our relationship. I knew it was not one she would be fond of at all, and hoped that that lack of fondness would be encouragement to be more mindful of the rules down the road. I alerted her to what the punishment was going to be during the day, and as soon as she got home she wanted to do it to get it out of the way. But it wasn't her place to determine when she would get a punishment, and I told her she would have to wait until the children went to bed.

It wasn't very long, compared to corner time punishments I suspect other subs receive. She had to sit in the corner (that's the picture above) with her hands tied behind her back and her nose against the wall for 10 minutes. Once she was in place, I turned the volume down on the television completely, and sat on the bed in silence and read. She started fidgeting halfway in (her nose was itching, she told me afterwards) and around eight minutes was making these little sounds...almost like bleeting...that she makes when she is not happy with something.

Ten minutes passed, and I went over and untied her and held her.

"Next time it's 20," I told her.

"I didn't like that," she said quietly.

"That's the point," I said, as I led her over to the bed and we commenced to do that thing we do...which will be the subject of my next post...

L on the New Bed

My thoughts on the new bed.......

 

I absolutely love love love it. 

 

Not just the bed but the entire room.  I worked very hard on it....painted until my hands were like claws holding the roller.  I had scraps and scratches all over, it was hell to stand up after all the climbing up and down.  I also love the fact that the old bed is gone and along with it.....horrible memories.  If you are a blog follower of ours, then you know I had a rough road in my marriage.  My ex once broke in while we were at the movies and dumped water on the bed (we of course did not know it was water and that was his intention).  It was the bed that had to go....should have gone a long time before this.

 

You saw the picture....the bed is huge and beautiful....and all ours.  The room is all ours.  A lot of my time prepping the room to paint was organizing.  Putting boxes of pictures away....putting pictures away that my children may want someday...throwing mountains of stuff away.  Making it ours.  Ours it is.

 

I absolutely love love love it

Fucktoy Friday

We have officially declared every Friday Fucktoy Friday, and what happens on Fucktoy Friday varies from week to week. There have been a few things put into place that remain the same week to week:

1. Before Fucktoy goes to work, I write "Fuck Toy" using a facepaint crayon across her stomach.
2. Fucktoy must perform one minute of Kegel exercises at the top of every hour and when done, text me a message that says "I have exercised your pussy for you Sir."
3. Fucktoy must get permission from me prior to using the bathroom.

I am hoping to get to a point where Fucktoy wears her butt plug while at work but the butt plug has not been working so far as it keeps falling out, so more time needs to be spent getting acclimated to it.

Today I threw in something new and this morning over my cup of coffee at the kitchen counter, I created a Fucktoy Friday Survey on Surveymonkey for her to fill out. I didn't spend as much time on it as I would have liked as I wanted to get it quickly done before I took the three year old to preschool.

Fucktoy just completed it about an hour ago, and I actually found her responses to be informative. I also realized that this could be a pretty good communication tool to get candid responses from her in the future...granted, she has to give me candid answers no matter how I communicate to her (verbally, text, etc) but I think this method is even better.

You can check out the survey here:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/PGFSNLT

I plan on, in the next few days, to create a separate survey for followers of this blog...one for subs and one for Doms...to get feedback on your lifestyle. I'm an inquisitive person like that.

More to come....

The new bed: At last

Here it is.

The new bed.

It arrived yesterday, mid morning, along with the rest of the bedroom set to include a dresser and two night stands. We had talked about this day for quite some time now, looking at it as a Christmas for us of sorts. If you read the posts below, you know why this moment was so damn significant for us. An important step towards us building a life...and creating a home...that was truly ours.

The plan was that once it had arrived and been setup, I would call L and she would come home from work to help make the bed before I went to work later that night. As it turned out, L was home sick that day with a stomach flu and she slept in the downstairs bedroom while the bed and furniture was being assembled. She felt well enough by the time they had gone to get out of bed and help me make it with the new sheets and comforter.

She also felt well enough for what we did next.

We were in that bed before we knew it, underneath the covers, clothes off, our hands all over each other. Maybe this was a moment that called for spanking, for collaring, hair pulling and all of TTWD, but at that time, the only thing I could think about was how badly I wanted to be inside of her.

And then I was on top of her, cock resting against her cunt, ready to penetrate her.

"I'm going to fuck you on MY bed," I growled, and she gasped at those words. Or maybe the gasp was because i was sliding inside of her, and fuck we did, and I filled her up with my hardness, my hands under her ass, pulling her up against me as I slammed inside of her, noticing the difference that the new firm mattress made. We both came rather quickly.

Later that afternoon, we fucked again, this time after an extensive spanking session. With the house to ourself, we could make as much noise as we needed, so I used my hand in the spanking. I spanked her hard and repeatedly, taking breaks every 50 spanks or so to rub her ass and cunt. It didn't take many spanks before she drifted off into sub space, and I spanked her longer and harder than I had before, more than 500 with my hand. After that, we fucked again, with even more intensity than before.

L was home sick again today, so we spent most of today in bed with more sessions thrown in.

It's interesting, but having the room be ours, to be sleeping in a bed that I paid for, has had an interesting effect on me psychologically. I am feeling even more in control than before, feeling like the Master of my domain because now I feel this really is MY domain. In the above picture, that's my space on the left. I spent some time this evening organizing my side of my closet, setting up my nightstand, setting thing up as I wanted them to be in MY domain.

L could feel that change was afoot..

TEXT EXCHANGE BETWEEN S AND L THE EVENING OF MARCH 20

S: Going to step things up now.

L: I am ready.

And so am I.