Well it has almost been a year since we signed the contract. Freaks me out that the time has gone by so fast. I still say things like, I am still learning, we are new at this, etc. It hasn't been an easy year for sure. Being submissive to S has been easier than I thought at first, it comes quite naturally actually....its all the other stuff in life that has been difficult.
In the beginning I was poring over blogs and educating myself on being the best sub I can be and that helped me feel submissive and sometimes helped me find my place....especially when I saw others having the same struggles that I was having. Now I can say I can look to myself and find my place.....I am in that place always now. In all the discoveries we have been making, I think one of the lessons that is important is, this is what we do. We don't need to do what others do.....we do our own thing.
In the past year, S had struggled many times (in the beginning). He would say things like, I am not feeling very Masterful right now (which to a submissives ears....is like your world crashing down around you.....what you signed your name to, who you kneel before offering mind body and soul to isn't feeling it right now). I could even sense it when he was slightly depressed and when he was there was no D/s contact and it was just sad. Other times in the past year, S would send me horrible messages (we have both been guilty of this....) but I knew deep down that under all that, there was a truly good Masterful man. I knew that if I just kept quiet, kept forgiving, it would all work out. Boy has it ever. S is so confident now. You can tell that he is happy. His health is better, he has put on some weight which looks really good on him. All of this combined with us continuing to build our lives together (buying beds, etc.) has my submissiveness at an all time high. Now I do things because I know it will please S but also because it makes me happy to do so. I am able to go further than I ever thought possible as I am truly his to do as he wishes. It makes my day when I can please him and make him happy....and of course about kills me if I disappoint him. I don't need punishing often but when I do I almost beg to be punished right away so we can let it go.
S has something exciting planned for our one year anniversary and we will be in California. So excited. Can't top what I gave him last year (myself) but I am sure if I give him the same thing, he wouldn't complain.