subdrop (written by L)

S has tasked me with writing about yesterday as what happened after the trip up to his house, happened to me.  I didn't bother going back to work, I looked like a hot mess anyway.  I am quite bruised to boot.  So I get home and finding my youngest fast asleep decided it would be a good time to run to the home improvement store for concrete sealant for some concrete I had done over the week.  It is hot here.....hot for here is what I meant...80....85 degrees. 


So I am driving back from the store and had the strangest feeling.  It was weird....feeling like I never have before.  Drained, tired, dizzy....nauseated and just not myself.  If I didn't know any better I would have thought I was pregnant.  I decided to push through it as I had a lot to do.  I sanded and sealed the concrete, then did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen.  I had scheduled a guy to come and look at the fence as we need it replaced. 


All this time I am feeling like I may throw up or pass out.  I am thinking perhaps I spent too much time in the sun....but felt this way before I even went out in the sun.  I had heard the term...crashing after a session......subdrop and after deciding that I had done enough.....went to bed and turned on the AC.  I slept hard for over an hour.  When I woke up, I felt pretty much the same.  I also felt like crying.  Like I could start crying and never stop (no reason, there is not a damn thing I would cry over). 


Thankfully I didn't allow myself to go down this road.  S sent me several text messages concerned and after reading several blogs and googling subdrop, I told him I think I have self diagnosed myself.  It was exactly what I was feeling.  Ugh, it was an awful feeling.  Left me feeling guilty that I didn't get dinner done (I ordered pizza's) or take my son to the park.  I ended up in bed unable to move....trying not to crying.  A basket case.  


I also felt guilt over the time up at S's cabin that day....he wont admit it but I dont think things went as well as he had hoped.....I didnt play my part as well as he had hoped and even made the comment....well, you cant rape the willing.  Then my body crashing like it did was just weird.  I hope I never experience it again.  


Today I am still not 100% but at least lost the sickly feeling and am at work, planning on tackling that concrete tonight. 


Oh, and on one of the many blogs I read, one of the suggestions for helping when in this terrible spot is a little hair of the dog.  So before going to sleep, I was naked with my ass in the air and S delivering some of the cane on which I swore were my bruises (and in my mind I was thinking, damn has he come a long way....I thought with the way I was feeling that he wouldnt want to cane me and then to be caning me on my bruises to boot.  When I asked S he said he avoided them....so sweet).  The caning did help, I felt much better by the time we went to sleep. 

   


--L

rape scene

As intense as the weekend was, I don't think anything quite prepared us for yesterday and a whole new discovery in our D/s relationship. I should say ahead of time, that this might not be for everyone. (well, anything discussed on this blog might not be for everyone!)

So it was Monday, and L was sitting in her office and I was sitting in mine, texting each other, and it was clear we were both bored and suffering a bit of the Monday blahs. Neither of us wanted to be at work really, and we both have a bit of freedom in our jobs.

I decided to take the boredom away.

****

EMAIL FROM S TO L:

1) You are to get off work at 2p.m. today.

2) You are to go straight up to my place.

3) Go inside and go straight upstairs to the bedroom.

4) Take off all of your clothes and get on the bed.

For this fantasy session, you are going to be just a regular woman taking a midday nap in her room in her cabin in the woods. 

For this fantasy session, I am going to be the stranger who enters your cabin, comes upstairs, finds you there, and attacks you and rapes you.

That being the case, you are allowed for this particular fantasy session to struggle.

No reason for us to be bored when we have my twisted mind.

--Sir

****

We had never done a scene quite like that before, closest being our hotel room visit where I tied her to a chair and cut away her clothes, and it is rare that our scenes transcend into a fantasy scenario. And it wasn't as if I had really dwelled on this one before. This was going to be the last week we would have my old place to visit, and I wanted to take full advantage of it in a way we hadn't done before.

I got off work at 1:30 to put things in preparation. I stopped by the local thrift shop, said hi to Macklemore, and bought a ski mask (which I am sure looked odd as it was 80 degrees outside) and a long sleeve black shirt. I ran to our home and got a change of clothes for L along with some rope (which never got used but just in case).

****

FURTHER EMAIL FROM S TO L:

At 1:30p.m. all communication between the two of us will be cut off. You don't need to text me when you leave the office. If something comes up for whatever reason and you cannot make it up to my old place, then, obviously, you need to let me know.

After 1:30 p.m. our next contact will be when I come rape you.

Remember...you are just a regular normal housewife. Maybe you are married. Maybe your husband is very passive at sex, you only do it every now and then, it isn't very satisfying. You're there taking a midday nap, at your remote cabin, and then you hear a car pull up in the driveway. Which is odd. Never get any company. Maybe it's your husband coming home early. Then the door opens. "Is that you honey?" you ask, and no one answers.

You hear footsteps coming up the stairs.

You realize this is not your husband.

You don't know who it is or what is going to happen to you.

All you know is that...nap time is over.

****

I went up to my place and unlocked it and then went further up the road to wait for L to arrive. My old place is in a very secluded area, off the beaten path and nestled in the woods...very much out of sight and out of hearing range, for the most part. I had even bought a small bottle of Black Velvet Whiskey which I dapped a little on me, like cologne, so that I would even smell differently to L.

When I was sure she had arrived and settled in upstairs in bed, I went back there, taking my time going down the long driveway that leads to my place. I sat in the car for just a minute so she could hear it out there from the upstairs bedroom. I got out and slowly walked to the front door, stomping a bit as I went up the steps, and then opened the door.

"You're home early," she said quietly from upstairs, getting into the role of the housewife expecting her husband to be home.

I didn't say anything and just stood there.

"I fell asleep," she said again.

I started making my way up the stairs. In my hands I had a pair of scissors and I dragged the tip along the all as I went up.

She was lying on the bed, wearing one of my white t-shirts I had instructed her to wear for the scene. Her head was turned the other way and couldn't see me, a sweater covering her head to block out the sunlight streaming through the large windows in the bedroom. Outside there was silence, save for the chirping of birds in the trees surrounding the cabin.

She murmured something else, still expecting her husband, and then I jumped on her and covered her mouth with my hand while I pinned her down. She screamed or attempted to scream, and started fighting underneath me. I ripped the white t-shirt she was wearing down the middle so that her breasts were exposed.

"Please don't hurt me!" she said. "My husband is going to come home any minute."

"No he isn't," I barked. "It's just you and me, bitch."

Taking the pair of scissors I had been carrying, I held them blade flat agains her neck.

"If you move I will fucking cut you, do you understand?" I said, pressing my ski mask covered face against hers.

"Yes sir," she whimpered, as her struggling stopped. "Please don't hurt me."

I jerked off the skirt she had been wearing along with her panties so that she was fully exposed. She tried to resist, pushing her legs together, but when she did so, I pressed the scissors against her firmly.

"Fucking little slut," I said. "I saw you earlier today, wearing this skirt. Acting like a cock tease."

"No!" she said. "I'm not a tease! I'm a good girl."

I pressed my groin firmly into her crotch so she could feel my erection through my jeans. With one hand I shoved it into her pussy...which, of course, was soaking wet.

"Wet fucking slut," I growled. "You deserve to have a big cock fucking your pussy."

"Please no!" she cried. "Please don't...please don't do that," and she tried struggling again, and once again, I pressed the scissors against her (carefully of course) and jerked back on her hair.

I pulled my pants down just enough to release myself, and spreading her legs apart, forced my way inside of her, and she pleaded with me to stop, no, no, she said, don't do this.

And then I fucked her and I fucked her hard, and the bored little housewife clearly enjoyed the pounding she was getting from her intruder. "Oh god no no no no," she said, and then started panting, and when she came and came hard, she said "I can't believe this is happening to me."

"Fuck against me," I said, still slamming inside of her. "Fuck back against me or I will cut you." And so she did, thrusting her hips up against me (takes me over the edge when she does that) and I came almost immediately, and she managed to get out a final "Oh god, you can't come inside of me."

And....end scene.

So we talked about it for a bit afterwards, lying there naked, the fan blowing on us while the heat of the sun warmed our bodies. I told her the different things I had done to prepare, while she shook her head at me. "You are just full of surprises," she said.

I suppose I am.

I'll tell you one thing.

We certainly weren't having a boring Monday anymore.

p.s. So there is a big part to tell about this story that occurred later in the evening, and I will share that next.

Weekend with my slut, part II

I'm wishing now I had written about what went on this weekend much sooner than today, as so much went on...some very great things to report on...that I lost track of them in terms of giving you the best of details.

It was a great weekend. What can I say. Things flowed nicely, we had a lot of time to spend together, there was a natural rhythm to all that we did. Not just in the bedroom. L's youngest son had a birthday party on Saturday, and most of our day that day was spent working together to prepare and run the party, and that had a nice flow to it. I suppose that one is a little hard to explain; but it's situations like that when I realize how good we are together and what a good future we have ahead of us.

Anyway, back to the kinky shit, because that is why you are all here.

There were a lot of things that took place in the bedroom. Sessions lasting more than two hours on Friday and Saturday night. The aforementioned visit to my place when L showed up wearing fishnet stockings (not for long) and presenting me with her collar and some of our toys.  L spent a lot of time collared with her ass raised up (she does that so well now) and received numerous upon numerous strikes from the cane and flogger. 2,500 on Saturday night alone, and she finally has the bruises to show for our hard work. We discovered ways to incorporate the Hitachi into the bedroom (her riding me while I press the Hitachi up against her clit works quite well).

I think the big thing about the weekend was that I was in control more than ever, and that worked perfectly for us. As L herself has said in this blog, she has a tendency to top from the bottom and I have typically let her do so. Not so this weekend, and not so now. Her attempts to control the situation were quickly extinguished by me. My verbal commands were direct, stern and immediate. My physical commands were forceful. She was a soaking mess in my hands, a pussy beyond wet while on my end, I had no problem rising to the occasion. Multiple times.

So, a lot went on, and while I can't exactly lie out a specific session for you, I can give you a glimpse of some of the scenes. There was Saturday night when I dragged a collared L off of the bed and over in front of the full length of the mirror and had her get on my knees while I fucked her face and watched in the mirror. There was Sunday at my place when after giving her a length spanky session downstairs, I forced her upstairs and out on the outside balcony where I had her bend over and hold on to the balcony while I spanked her more and then fucked her from behind, which ended with me pulling out and coming all over her ass, barely covered by her torn fishnet stockings.

Yeah, I know. Hot.

It was a great weekend for us, so much needed and so definitely satisfying for the two of us. We pushed our limits together, we found the place we need to be as a couple, and it was very good indeed.

SirB said in a comment on the spanking video: "You've got a good girl there."

My response to that?

I don't just have a good girl.

I have the very best there is.

wet

Friday while we were both at work I sent L a text saying I had the urge to make her wet while she was sitting at her desk so I wrote the following and emailed it to her.

It worked.

******

I love your wetness.

I wish there was a way to describe how exhilarating it is when I start a session with you and I reach under you, dipping a finger in your pussy, and finding you soaking wet. Part of it is a sense of pride, knowing that I did that to you, and only I can do that to you, get you so aroused..dripping...with my touch...my words.

I love getting you wet during the day while you are at work. I imagine a wet spot visible on your panties. I imagine you shifting around on your seat because of the tingling feeling running throughout your pussy. I imagine you getting so wet you have to make your way to the bathroom where you pull down your pants and panties to wipe out. 

Saying that, I imagine myself walking in on you in that bathroom..your panties around your ankle...and standing in front of you and commanding you to take my cock out and suck on it, and I fuck your mouth, right there in the stall, while your fingers work their way over your clit, using the juices from your pussy for lubrication.

When we are in a session and I discover how wet you are, I have to control myself to focus on the task at hand...spanking you, taking you to subspace...and not flipping you over on your back, spreading your legs and diving into your wetness with my tongue, taking it all in, devouring it...devouring you. 

Then when I do fuck you...that initial moment of struggle to force my way in soon gives way, and I am all the way inside you, where you are warm and moist and feel like heaven, your tightness squeezing me, your juices aiding my thrusting. 

I love it when I come deep inside of you, and there is that mix of the two of us...that feeling and smell of fucking, raw and passionate.

I love your wetness.

******

Weekend with my slut

Well, that was then....this is now.

To say that this weekend was no comparison whatsoever to last weekend is an understatement. And, in some ways, this weekend was no comparison to any other weekend L and I have had in our D/s relationship. Granted, we have had some REALLY good weekends, and ya'll have read about them here on this blog, but this weekend was...different.

As L stated below, we started having some really frank and honest conversations about how things had been between us, not just from the Weekend in Hell, but in general, of some things that weren't working right in our D/s relationship. I took these conversations to heart and knew that while it would take both of us to correct these things, the real responsibility was in my hands.

So midweek last week we started working on things, more seriously than ever. I escalated my Dominance with her, paying even more attention to my words and how I followed through on them. And the escalation of my Dominance in turn escalated L's submission. It wasn't just in the bedroom, but just in other things during the day. Me being much more sterner and giving her clear and strongly worded directives during the day (for instance, the below posting was written only after I sent L an email saying "I didn't ask you. I told you.", which she confessed the next day that it made her wet....).

Things started going quite well, and Friday (Fucktoy Friday in our house, where L leaves the house in the morning with the word "Fuck toy" written on her and she has to perform kegel exercises at the top of every hour and report to me when they are done...among other things...) and we were having our typical exchange of sexual comments via email when I mentioned something to her about treating her like a slut.

Her response?

L: I think you still have a hard time doing that...treating me like a slut.
S: Maybe that needs to change.
L: Maybe...think you have it in you?

Silly girl.

If past experience has shown her anything, her asking the question "Think you have it in you?" has always resulted in the discovery that yes, I do have it in me. And as I write this, I am realizing that she more than likely intentionally threw that out there, to push my buttons.

In my past life, many years ago, I was a competitive runner who loved to do marathons. I loved the challenge of them, the physical as well as the mental aspect of competing in such a grueling endeavor. I loved to push myself, the self-discipline it took to run 26.2 miles. It made me feel good.

So taking on challenges is certainly nothing new to me, and with confidence with what L and I were doing at an all time high, I was more than ready...eager...to take on the challenge of what she had thrown out at me.

S: I thought we were long past you asking me "Do you have it in you?"
L: I was only kidding! After the first golden shower, all doubts were erased.
S: Too late. You issued a challenge, and I will happily accept it.

And so we ventured into the weekend of the slut...

More to come.

(So to speak)

L responds

Here is L's response to what I wrote about this last weekend. She had an earlier response that she liked much better but it got swallowed up by the Internet gods. I disagree with her that this one "sucks" as there is no such as thing when it comes to what one says in the blogging world. Certainly gives much better insight than my posting into how this weekend went.

***********

S really "glossed" over the bad this weekend.  We did manage to get through it though and are stronger than before.  More open honest communicating. 

 

In a early posting S had asked me what it was about D/s that appealed to me and my answer (which surprised him) was there was no more doubt.  This weekend brought it all crashing down for me.  When I received the highly intoxicated "FuckYou" text I felt like my world stopped.  I couldnt breath.  Made me doubt my choices.  I felt so angry, alone and unloved.....and a bit like a fool.  Have I made another bad decision?  S of course felt bad and we were able to get past it.....then on Sunday things got even more shitty.    We have been atop shit mountain for so long, we really dont need to add to it.

 

On Monday, we were as vanilla as you could be.  I was wishing for a kind of punishment for a Dom so we could move on even.  You know, like when I get punished, we do it and its over, we dont bring it up again.  S even offered to let me cane him but I just couldn't.  There was no way I was submitting to him (although a vanilla blow job was given....couldn't help myself).  After many emails and conversations, we have actually ramped things up.  We were open and honest with each other.....I told him how I felt and he how he had been feeling....we discussed what changes were needed. 

 

Even with all that we do, I was not feeling very submissive at all.   Things were inconsistent which drives me crazy.  Small changes which are helping us get to where we want/need to be.  S has me kneel before him in the mornings when I bring him his coffee which believe it or not is more effective than 100 whacks from the cane in getting me in the right mindset.   

 

Oh, and if you haven't bought a Hitachi, run, run to the nearest store NOW! 

 

 

(my original comment was waaay longer and waaay better.  This one just sucks)

Pure love, plain and simple

Where to begin, I suppose...the weekend that I talked about in the last posting did not go as planned, not anywhere close, and it was, by any definition, just a really, really bad weekend. For me, finding the reason why it went so poorly is simple as looking in the mirror. I fucked up. Plain and simple.

I don't care to elaborate on the details too much, because the good thing is that despite that fuck up on my end and some very emotional interactions between L and I...even heated words at times...we have managed, once again, to climb out from yet another mess and find ourselves back in a good place, I dare say better than before, and our ability to do that was because of open and honest communication, a must in any successful relationship.

I think any man who assumes the role of being a Dominant is in some way, a complex man. There is nothing simple about a Dominants desire to do the things that he does, just as there is nothing simple about s submissive's desire to do the things that she does. It is a mix of so many different components --- psychological, sexual, emotional, etc. --- that often times compete against each other, each one trying to rise to the top.

It's a complex relationship, but absolutely beautiful at the same time. In the case of L and I, we are trying to sort our way through it while navigation other complications in our lives. Those other complications, particularly on my end and how I reacted to them, are what caused last weekend to turn to shit.

I talked about in the last posting how last weekend was going to be a pushing of limits, and it did turn out that way....just not in the bedroom and not with a cane.

This beautiful woman that I have the good fortune of crawling into bed with each night, she and I, well, we have been through a lot, my readers. The blog has not told our whole story. We'd like to keep some things to ourselves, thank you very much.

I don't think there are a lot of couple out there who could have weathered the storms we have traveled through and still be standing, but she and I are. I have talked before about how important D/s has been to help us do that, but at the same time, it is something more than that. What that thing is is pure love, plain and simple. And like so many other people who are in love, other people who, like us, are a little messed up at times, we make mistakes and we don't treat each other as if we are so in love.

But it is there always.

Pure love.

Plain and simple.

p.s. Yesterday I bought a Hitachi for L and last night we took it for a test drive. I'll talk about that in my next posting..I promise!