Proper Sendoff

L is getting ready to leave tomorrow to be out of town for 10 days on a family vacation. It will be the longest we have been apart for quite some time now, and the longest we have been apart since entering our D/s relationship.

10 days of no spanking…no hair pulling…no fucking…no sucking…no service. No each other…no falling asleep next to each other and waking up to each other.

Given all that, we wanted to make the most of this weekend, and I think we did a pretty damn good job. We managed to sneak away for some quiet time at my old house, which is located a little off the beaten path. More importantly…no children! I took some of the items from my box of tricks with us in a duffel bag, with an emphasis on using the ones that made the most noise.

We went up to my place on Sunday and again on Monday, and went up to my bedroom that is in a loft surrounded by windows, almost as if it was a greenhouse. Both days she was ordered to strip naked, and both days, for close to an hour, I worked over her entire body, almost mercilessly. For the most part, I stuck to my hand, as we rarely get to have an old fashioned hand on ass spanking because it is so damn loud, but here, in the middle of the woods, it didn’t matter, and I gave her one of my harder hand spankings yet. From there it went on to the wooden panel and the flogger, back to the hand, alternating between instruments, with time in between each one to rub her sore ass and to gently finger her soaking wet pussy. 

Sunday’s session ended with an honest to goodness POUNDING, with me holding L’s legs up while I slammed inside her hard, working her pussy like a pile driver, both of us being quite vocal in our orgasms when they hit us.

On Monday, we stepped outside on my balcony, and I had L bend over with her hands grasping the railing. We were both naked, and a gentle breeze was stirring around us. I worked her over on the balcony with my hand and then rubber her clit, causing her knees to buckle until she was almost quivering at my feet.

My place is nestled right in the trees, and leaning over the balcony was a branch that I peeled off while she was still bending over. I quickly shed the branch of its leaves, leaving me with a nasty looking spanking implement that I started to use on her. Turned out to be a damn effective one, leaving her with some welts almost immediately. From there she dropped to her knees and began sucking me off as I leaned back against the railing, raising my hips up to meet her mouth. There was also something so incredibly…sexy…about it, being outside, completely naked, doing TTWD in the fresh air.

That’s an exciting part of all of this, and one of the things I am thankful that I have an active imagination for, and that L is willing to trust me as I search for new ways for us to explore each other and to bring each other pleasure.

Back at our home, we ended the evening doing something that we had only done one other time in our D/s relationship but L knew I wanted to do again…a golden shower, which I wrote about here and here. Out of all of the many things we have done with each other sexually, this one is by far the most animalistic, an ultimate act of claiming ownership of L on my end, and on L’s side, the ultimate act of submission.  As we were preparing for bed, I ordered L to go take a shower, and once she was in the shower, water off, kneeled with her head down, I joined her, and began stroking the top of her head.

“Are you ready for this?” I asked her.

“Yes Sir,” she said.

“Do I own you pet?” I asked.

“Yes Sir,” she said.

The first stream went across her back, and then she raised her head, and a splash hit her right cheek and then I aimed down to soak her breasts. It was by no means an extensive shower, but it was enough for the symbolism that it created for the two of us. When L came to bed afterwards, I held her and told her how proud I was of her and gave her a body massage that led to my tongue between her legs, darting around her clit as I held her lips open, bringing her to an almost instantaneous orgasm.  The coup de grace was one more fuck, L grabbing my ass as I thrust inside her, her murmuring “Fuck me hard,” as I gave it to her and we both came hard, with tremendous satisfaction.

We have one more night…tonight…to spend before L leaves early in the morning, and as I write this, I am not sure of all that is going to happen other than we need one more session with the beloved cane. L’s ass has actually been sore the last few days, the result of some rather intensive session. She’s even managed to develop some nice looking bruises that we haven’t managed to create before.

Then she will be gone for 10 days, and we will exchange the text messages and emails over how much we miss each other. But there is one thing that is special about a long absence, and that one thing is known as “homecoming.”

The balcony will be waiting.

p.s. Oh yeah, we had a family barbeque this weekend also.  After all, we do have a vanilla reputation to maintain in Mayberry….

Questioning Normalcy

"What makes us normal is knowing that we are not normal." (Haruki Marukami, Norwegian Wood)

We have had some interesting and somewhat unsettling time in our household as of late. Ever since our magical anniversary trip, we had some turbulence in our relationship due to somewhat of a shift in power dynamics while we were gone. But L and I are excellent travelers, and whenever we have turbulence in our relationship, we always manage to find a way to buckle our seatbelts, listen closely to what our inner-pilots are telling us to do, fly through the storm, and get back on course to sunny skies. 

The world that we live in behind our closed and locked bedroom doors is where it all comes together. Always has been that way, actually, even before we immersed ourselves with a mighty cannonball jump into the D/s pool. That has even been moreso as of late. As I wrote in the last post, our spanking sessions are going on longer and longer. And L has been going deeper and deeper into the throes of subspace, and once she is there, the desire for...more of everything...is at its absolute strongest. 

Such was the case Sunday night where things started at around 11p.m. after the young one was tucked in bed. An ass was raised expectantly in the air, a cane was retrieved from the closet...and so the dance began. Spanking, caressing, spanking caressing...inspecting for wetness...repeat. From there, on to stroking, sucking. Fucking. Repeat.

11p.m. turned into midnight, and the minutes and activities continued to tick away from there. L was out of it, ready and wanting everything. I kept the situation under control and didn't get lost myself, being mindful of her needs but also realizing that at some point, things had to stop and she needed to come out of her zone and go to sleep so that Monday morning wasn't any torturous then it was. Around 1a.m., I brought things to a close. Said this was enough for the night.

She wanted more though.

But she wasn't in control.

And in the light of the day on Monday, she had a moment of weakness.

I had sent her a text and an email somewhat teasing her about how she was the night before, along the lines of being surprised at how far she was willing to go, saying that I wish I could videotape her sometime so she could see what I see when she gets into that subspace zone...and how much I really, really like it.

Unfortunately, my words had the wrong effect on her and made her feel like she was dirty...nasty...for reacting the way she did. That it was wrong.

That it wasn't normal.

Things got a little out of hand from there.

L started questioning everything about her submissiveness and the BDSM aspect of our relationship, saying that she didn't want to do this anymore, that she wanted to just be...normal. I tried everything I could to counsel her, to let her know how there is no reason to classify what we do as being normal or abnormal, it really doesn't matter...what matters is that it makes us happy, it is our true selves, it is happening between two consenting adults who love and trust each other...etc., etc. Found a couple of good blogs talking about the benefits of pain that I sent her.

But I wasn't able to get through.

We ended up having a quiet evening in bed, watching television together, talking about it somewhat but not that much. She was confused, and I wasn't sure how to get through to her. Our evening ended in a quite vanilla way, turning the tv off and wishing each other good night and going to sleep. Had we been in two separate beds, we would have been akin to a 1950s tv sitcom couple...

Yesterday morning picked right up and we had a talk about it before she went to work. "Pretty sure I could go forever without ever being spanked again," she said. Told me that I would get used to this change. But even as she said those things, I could tell that there was a part of her that was simply confused and that perhaps what she was saying wasn't how she truly felt.

Still, I felt like my world had been rocked. As her car pulled out of the driveway, I exasperatedly though to myself, "Well, now what in the fuck do I do?"

Because what she said I could get used to would be something that I really didn't think I could get used to.

Twenty minutes later she arrived at work and I got her "At work now Sir" text that she is required to give, which surprised me, because I didn't think that was going to happen anymore than I did the other things she is required to do on a daily basis. 

That text was followed by apologies and perhaps the most important message out of all of them, one saying "We do need this now more than ever. I'm sorry. I just need to accept who I am I guess."

We worked it out from there.

That evening's session was a fairly intense one, as you can imagine. After I put the youngest to bed, L was kneeling on the bedroom floor before me, her head down and her collar one. Apologizing profusely. I had already accepted her apology earlier in the day, and at one point she told me she deserved to be punished for her actions. I disagreed. She slipped, had a moment of weakness, and was honest about it. To punish her for being honest would simply be wrong.

However, the night before she did not text me before leaving work and did not have my glass of water at my bedside, so those matters were dealt with with her kneeling over the bed and me spanking her with a bamboo stick I purchased from Home Depot.

From there we moved on...to the sucking, the fucking, the hair pulling. You know...TTWD.

Things were....back to normal.

100 more

I haven't quite figured out how much spanking is enough with L. I don't think she knows when enough is enough.

She got home late last night, exhausted from her trip. I was exhausted as well having worked all day and not really slept the night before. We were in bed watching tv together, her head on my lap, while the boys were out in the living room. I then started kissing her and we had a make out session, and the next thing we knew I was extremely hard, and she was so very wet, and she started pleading and begging me to be inside of her. More than just begging, really. She was grabbing at my body, trying to position herself underneath me, raising her hips towards mine.

I wanted to wait until after the boys were in bed so we could have a spanking session first, but it had been two days (!) since we had sex, and I wanted her bad, and maybe doing so fell into the category of her topping from the bottom a little bit, but to hell with it...I wanted to fuck her.

And I did, gave her a good welcome home pounding with my hand firmly covering her mouth and after we both had very satisfying orgasms, L asked me if that was all we were going to do that night.

"I think so," I said. "We are both exhausted." Which we were.

Then the boys were in bed, the door was locked, and I had the cane in my hand...those things happen, as I realized it wouldn't be a proper homecoming without a spanking, and that L really, really needed a spanking to help her with the enormous amount of stress she was feeling.

So I spanked her, 100 times with the cane, thinking that 100 would be a good number, and as I rubbed her ass after that 100, she raised her ass in the air...and I knew that 100 was not enough.

So I gave her a 100 more, and she was in such need of it that she was literally pushing her ass into the cane at times, wanting to feel its lash across her cheeks. I stopped after that 100, rubbed and caressed her ass again...and then gave her a 100 more.

I don't know when enough is enough yet, both in terms of duration and force. We will figure it out though...100 strokes at a time.

Happy Mother's Day (reflections and thoughts)

It's Mothers Day, and I hope those of you out there who are Doms who have subs who are also mothers that you take the proper time to let them know how much they are appreciated. Having a woman in your life who fully submits to you is indeed a beautiful thing, but having that same woman also be a loving mother is even more beautiful...as is the case with my sub.

My own mother died when I was not quite two years old. My dad remarried a couple of years afterwards, but the woman who ended up being my wicked stepmother was not exactly a maternal and nurturing type, so I never grew up with someone who I would consider a motherly figure. They eventually divorced, and when my dad married again I was 17 and already heading out on my own.

I know really nothing about my mother. My father never really talked about her, aside for drunken evenings later in life when he would apologize for what he felt were bad mistakes he made to me as my father, and would add in how much I took after my mother. I never really knew what to say in those instances, but would try to take my dad's guilt away for him, to tell him that I knew that he was doing the best job he knew how to do, and I faulted him for nothing.

I sometimes wonder what kind of man I would be today had I had a mother figure in my life, not just through my formative years, but even later on, to have that person out there in the world so when times got rough I could pick up the phone and say "Mom, it's me, your son. I need your help."

I'm not sure where I am going with this posting, so bare with me. I tend to get very reflective on Mother's Day about these things. But I'm a reflective man in general, as L told me the other day when we were struggling with things, I am a man with feelings, perhaps more so than most men. I don't know if that is necessarily true so would amend that to say that I am a man with feelings more so than men she has known, who, in her own words, have been neanderthal types.

The fact that L is a mother is one of the things that draws me to her. She's a very good mother, and I see just how important she is to her three boys on a daily basis. And as she has told me, us entering a D/s relationship has made her an even better mother. Made her more patient and not prone to anger as she has before. I have seen that change, recognized it, noticed it in her. Then there is the fact that by being with me, she is happy. And a happy woman makes for a happy mom. I do believe it is this fact that eventually got her older son to come around to me and the idea of me being in their lives, that he saw that my presence was making his mom happy and that is what he, as her first born son, wanted for her.

I have not just taken on the responsibility of caring for L, but all that is a part of her life, and that includes her sons. You can read here L's account of what is happening in her life with their father, who is dying of a terminal illness. In fact, as I write this, she took her two youngest boys to visit him for his birthday. The lifelong journey that L and I are committing to does not just involve the two of us, and it does just not involved cuffs and floggers and canes in the bedroom, no siree bob, it is MUCH bigger than that. There are children, there are responsibilities, and I take it all very seriously.

It's an even bigger world than that. 3,200 miles away are my own two young children, who live with their mother that I have been divorced from for three years. I miss my children terribly. Terribly. I have yet to figure out a way to combine my world with L with my (disappearing) world with my boys, it is a complicated endeavor that I simply don't care to elaborate on right now. But I would like for that to happen. Someday soon.

Enough of that.

Thanks for listening and reading such a...normal...posting. Just thoughts and ideas in my head I wanted to get out there. L is fast asleep in another city, and...well, I can't call up mom and talk to her. You nice readers will have to do for now.

Save. Publish.

Good night.

And happy mother's day to all of the mom's out there. Thanks for all that you do.

p.s. Here's a picture of me and my mom.

Revised contract

As if we weren't doing enough already for our anniversary weekend, I also revised the contract which can be found on the tab above. Nothing too major in terms of changes, just some minor tweaks here and there. I think the change I made that L was most appreciative of is Item H under Section II which states as follows (addition in bold):

"The submissive will at all times act in a manner that is respectful of the Dominant, to include manners of speech, promptness, proper answers, obedience, loyalty, and honesty, with the understanding between both of them that the submissive shall not have to necessarily alter her personality."

I think this remains a challenge for us still in some ways; how can L be a submissive "meek as a mouse" companion to me when being loud, sassy and smart is a big part of who she is? As I have said before, I don't want a robot for a submissive, how boring would that be. No fun in taming the already tamed. It's a balancing act for both of us, and I wanted to put something in writing in the contract that reflected that.

I also deleted some of the listed punishments as none of them had been used and probably wouldn't be used...kneeling on rice, for instance. I did not include anal sex and swallowing as punishments as I want to get L past those being entirely unpleasant tasks for her and ones that she enjoys doing because they give me so much pleasure.

I've also (just now, actually) instructed L that for the next two weeks, each of us will read the contract once a day. I am doing this because we have had some struggles the last few days since returning from the trip that have rocked our dynamics a little (yes boys and girls, it's not always happy ball gagged and flogged unicorns dancing over rainbows in our world) and in my extra work to get things back on track (after all, it is my responsibility) this is one of the things that we will do to keep our heads in the right place.

I've had contact from others who have really liked the contract and have borrowed it for theirs, and I encourage anyone to do that, but at the same time, if you do, really keep YOUR situation in mind as well and don't do a straight copy and paste. I spent a lot of time working on our original one, and thought a lot about the revisions to this one, and that is the way it should be. This isn't fun and games. This is real world, long term stuff here, and being such, needs the proper care and attention to detail.

Also in California...

.
..we paid a visit to the highly popular BDSM store called The Stockroom (L's presents to me on my birthday came from there) to see what they had to offer, and if you are ever in the L.A. area, I highly recommend a visit there. Excellent quality items for a range of BDSM activities, to including those on the more extreme side to include body encasements, nasty looking cock cages, and whips looking like they came straight out of "Django Unchained." We spent about half an hour there, my timid (yeah, right) pet wanting to leave long before I did because of discomfort over being there.

I wasn't going to leave there without buying something though, so I settled on a hog tie kit...very nice quality and the most expensive toy we had bought yet. We had been meaning to get some wrist and ankle cuffs, so this fit the bill nicely.

Plus, L looks very, very fucking hot in it.

The only downside of the hog tie is that it makes it difficult to spank her, but I found that an option was to secure her wrists in it and attach the hook intended for the ankle cuffs to the back of her collar.

It's getting its fair share of use, even back home.

Tales from the Lair de Sade

Sorry for the delay in posting this as I suspect some of you have been eagerly awaiting to hear about our night at the BDSM club, the Lair de Sade, on our anniversary night last Friday. We had a busy weekend completing our vacation and got back home early this week and have been regrouping and readjusting, which I will comment on in another post today. There's a lot to write about.

That being said, let's start with The Lair.

We departed our hotel around 8:30p.m. en route to the Lair in the comfort of a limousine. I wanted to make our anniversary night as special for us, and given that I knew L would want some libations to loosen her up (as would I) I didn't want us to drive. Besides, there was something magnificently sexy as going to a BDSM club in North Hollywood in a stretch limo, a once in a lifetime type of thing that one would always remember.

L was damn nervous leading up to it, and had I said we will do something else, I think she would have been relieved. She looked absolutely devourable, wearing a low cut, form fitting black dress that I had asked her to specifically wear for the event, with matching lingerie she purchased earlier from Fredericks of Hollywood.

The activities at the Lair weren't scheduled to start until 9p.m. and we didn't want to be the first people there, so I had our driver drive us around L.A., cruising through West Hollywood and the Sunset Strip. We finished off the bottle of champagne we had with us and made a stop for another one to take with us to the club.

We arrived at the Lair a little after 10p.m. with a nice glow between the two of us and loosened up enough to step outside of our comfort zone. Keep in mind we have never met or talked to anyone in the BDSM world; our interaction with others has strictly been online. So this was a big step for us.

The Lair was located in a converted house, nondescript from street view and completely unnoticed in terms of what kind of house it was. We entered through a gate at the side of the house where I gave the doorman the prepaid membership form I had taken care of online.

Right away an older man by the name of Patrick latched on to us and offered to give us a tour through the house.

Let me stop right now and tell you what I was expecting to find at the Lair de Sade, because that is important for what comes next. I had anticipated a rather hardcore BDSM scene, with lots of leather and stern Doms leading meek and mild subs around on leashes, subs who weren't allowed to talk unless given permission. I thought we would almost literally be stepping into another world.

So imagine my surprise...both of us, actually...that what we found was so incredibly....normal. We didn't feel like we had stepped foot into a BDSM club in North Hollywood. It was more like a backyard barbecue in Mayberry.

Well, with some exceptions.

The tour of the house included a narrow hallways called Blowjob Alley ("Don't ask me why it is called that," joked Patrick, a very nice and hospitable guy who didn't appear to be any more Dommish than, say, Wilfred Brimley), an elaborate chain spider web set up in the garage, a stretching table, a bondage bed, a large cross with plenty of eyelets for rope work, spanking platforms, a few metal cages, and a doghouse. Which was not for a dog.

There weren't that  many people as we did the tour, though right away in one room we encountered a spanking session with a bare assed sub hanging over her Dom's lap as he spanked away at her, the sound echoing through the room. We were more than welcome to stay and watch, but we were still getting our bearings, so it seemed a little personal to pull up a seat, grab some popcorn, and watch away.

Not that there was any popcorn, but there was a kitchen set up for everyone to use with a pot of broccoli soup simmering for all to enjoy.

Like I said, a backyard barbecue.

After the tour from Patrick, we went over and sat in an outside gathering area and surveyed the landscape. We talked to one Dom who did not have his own sub, but rather had 12 playmates, and he was expecting one of them to arrive later. He was joined by a lady who started talking about her work as a kindergarten teacher. Another younger lady joined us who was attending on her own without a Dom and looking to see what might happen. Another couple joined us and the lady had a collar around her neck that was padlocked, and her Dom made a joke about losing a key before.

Clothing ranged from Doms wearing motorcycle gear to subs in dresses. There really wasn't that much talk about the BDSM lifestyle; certain things came up from time to time during the conversations, and like so many conversations between strangers, there were those awkward pauses. At one point we were asked if we were spankers or beaters.

"Somewhere in between" I said.

"You should see the bruise on my ass!" said L.

After awhile we got up and went back to look around on our own. We went into a larger room in the house where a spanking session was just ending and sat in the corner to watch the end of it. After they had left, I had L lean over one of the platforms, lifted up her dress, and delivered her a few spanks across her ass. I wasn't about to have us leave there without some type of spanking take place.

We left soon after that, mainly because we needed to get to our limo to get back to our hotel.

So here is the point in this posting where I have to apologize to those of you who were eagerly awaiting for a tale of debauchery, but it was nothing like that. Now, looking back at it, (and even when we got back to our room that night) both L and I agreed that had we done things differently that night, we would have stayed longer so we could observe more of the activities taking place. The brief amount of spanking I saw had me really worked up, and we both would have enjoyed being more of a witness to others. And, I suspect, after a little time, done more ourselves.

But it didn't happen this time. This was a testing of the waters, so to speak, to see what it was like to interact with others in our lifestyle for the first time. It also prompted us to start looking into what might be happening in the BDSM world in our own community. Granted, there is the risk of running into your kid's teacher, but the reality is....you are all there for the same reason, so what the hell?

Overall, it was a great experience. For both of us.

And I apologize again I have no elaborate sexual details to share with you.

That being said, the limo ride back to the hotel and what we did in the hotel when we got there...that, my friends, is another story.

A story you don't share at backyard barbecues in Mayberry.

Happy Anniversary Pet

Well, here we are...one year later. One year since L and I officially entered our D/s relationship, in a collaring and leashing ceremony in my living room. One year since I started this blog chronicling our journey.

Whew, what a ride.

And like the song says...we've only just begun.

Short update today. We have had a wonderful vacation, finished our four day cruise to Catalina Island and Ensenada, and now we are in one of our favorite places, Venice Beach, for the next three days. It has been a great vacation. I have loved seeing how happy L has been and how appreciative she has been of this trip, from the limo that met us at LAX, to the first night's stay on the Queen Mary, and all of the fun of the cruise itself.

So tonight is anniversary night and I am taking L to a BDSM club in North Hollywood called the Lair de Sade for their Conquest event which is exclusive to male Doms and female subs. She figured out what the surprise was before I told her. I think, in all honesty, this has been much more of a fantasy of mine than hers, but she is willing to do whatever I guide us to do.

I am not 100 percent sure what to expect, and a lot of how the evening goes will be dictated by the vibe we get while there and how our comfort level is. This will be our first time ever interacting with other Doms and subs, aside from the exchanges on the blog. I don't know yet if we will just be observers, or if we get caught up in everything and we turn from observers to...being observed.

I do know one thing.

I will be writing about it for all of you.

Happy anniversary pet. I love you more than words can describe, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting your total and complete trust in me; to own you now and forever.