I don't see a lot of discussion out here in regards to how a Dominant male interacts in the real world, in particular, the 9-5 world that he calls his job or career. Taking it further, is a Dominant lifestyle restricted to his relationship with his sub, or, if it is truly who he is, are traces of his Dominance found in all that he does?
I've been pondering this as of late as I have settled into my new job, a rather demanding, high profile position that has me in charge of public relations for an organization with more than 2,000 employees and 34 locations. It's an enormous responsibility, one that I have not had in a few years in my professional career, and I think it has been an adjustment for L more so for me. Her past relationships have been with blue collar men, which, for some odd reason, when I first got with her many years ago I found intimidating because I didn't think I fit the profile of being her type. This was also during my "BC" years, which translates to "Before Confidence." Anyway, it's a transition for her, I think, going from that to someone who leaves work in a suit in the morning, is a public figure who is faithful to attending his weekly chamber of commerce luncheons, and who is interviewed by local media on a regular basis.
I have had high profile leadership positions before, and while I was good at them and respected for my work, I did not have the same approach as I do now in my "AC" phase of life, with AC being, of course "After Confidence." I have approached this job much differently than any other job I have had before, and with barely a month in, have made more strides than I did in previous positions after a series of months.
Confidence makes all the difference in the world, and I developed my confidence because of my D/s relationship with L. What started off as being assertive and in control in bed is starting to trickle out to all other aspects of my life. As I write this, I chuckle as I think of all of the self help books and motivational speakers that people turn to to gain confidence in their lives. I am sure that they help, but I am pretty damn confident (once again) that the way I gained my confidence was much, much more fun. Books are one thing, but collaring and leashing a woman you love and ordering her to her knees while you fuck her mouth and she drips with wetness because she wants it...that, my friend is something that Tony Robbins simply cannot deliver. (Nor, quite frankly, would I want him to deliver!)
There are different levels of confidence of course, and sometimes it is not a good thing, because someone who is overly confident can also be cocky and arrogant. Those with a Dominant trait do not bring that to the table with their confidence; their confidence comes from a different place. They are sure of themselves, confident of their decisions, but at the same time, there is a sense of compassion and caring, whether that be with their sub or within their workplace.
I think that describes me at work. I do believe I have already established myself along those lines of being a confident leader, having already made changes and put into places new endeavors that no one has been willing to try before (as my assistant has said on more than one occasion, "We are entering new territory with you.") but along the way I seriously doubt that anyone would describe me as arrogant or cocky in what I am doing. Today my boss and I had a candid conversation with me about many things, and one of the things he said was "You are steps ahead of me on many things, and I appreciate that." I've talked to others along the way, solicited feedback, but at the end of the day, have made the final decision on what to do because I felt confident it was the right thing to do.
Same thing in the bed with L. As I put into place the guidelines of our D/s relationship, I did not do so in a cocky or aggressive manner, this is what separates dominating from Dominant. I researched. I thought about what was best for both of us, and made a final decision, and put that into place. In the beginning, I faltered, and was sometimes wishy washy in anymore, but I am sure L would attest to this...not anymore. I am clear in what I want, confident in what is needed, and that is how it is.
I like myself these days. This is a big change for me. I did not always like myself. I would sometimes look in the mirror and loathe the person staring back at me, and if you have ever been there, you know that is a horrible place to be. Is this all because of the D/s? I don't know, in all honesty, but suffice to say, a majority of it is because of that. I know that whenever our D/s relationship is in full swing, as it usually is these days, everything else falls into place, and whenever our D/s relationship is not working and we are at odds, the darkness settles in. There are aspects of that that frighten me sometimes, the intensity of it...the fact that so much of who I am as a man is directly related to my relationship with one woman. But there is, at the same time, a beauty to all of that, and undeniably confirming that the woman I am with is my soulmate for my life...collared, leashed, and deeply loved.