S claims that I top from the bottom....for the most part true. Keep in mind we have been D/s for less than a year so I am considered "still in training"....which I use to my advantage every once in a while. "Please forgive me, I didn't know any better Sir, remember, I am still in training"....add puppy dog eyes and you can get out of anything! Wont be able to use that much longer, more like never after writing this.
It is true though and I am working on it. I used to say whatever came to my mind.....some good, some bad, some just downright honest and funny. I had verbal diarrhea all the time. In my marriage, I was the decision maker on all things. What we ate, where we went, what we spent money on (this was out of necessity, not because I am a naturally dominant person....not at all). If I had let my ex make any decisions we would be homeless...literally.
When S and I first met, I was quite aggressive and commanding (I would call them strong suggestions really) in and out of the bedroom. He went along with my suggestions and added a few of his own every now and then. Now, I think before I speak...I try to think before I speak, I am still suggesting things in the bedroom and even completely turned over this morning when I couldn't take something S was doing. I got a smack for it and it was deserved. I don't want to top from the bottom. I want to please S and me throwing out commands (suggestions!) does not please him. Submissive me needs to learn this lesson. A large part of why D/s appeals to me is the decision making being taken away from me for the most part. Do as you are told....easy enough right? Not so it seems. We have discussed how to deal with it and S has thrown out corner time and other such things while I suggested he just spank it out of me...spanking is always my suggestion.
We are working through it and I am sure that in time I will be as meek as a mouse. Sometimes when he does scold me I say, come on, no one wants a robot. So I guess we need to find the balance that works for us. Hopefully before we join the AARP.
I don't really believe in topping from the bottom as an issue thing.
ReplyDeleteIf the bottom has things she/he needs or wants then I see no harm in expressing them.
There's just the matter of the top's decision on the expression. :)
I once heard of a submissive man who told the woman dominating him all the things that he liked - and she purposely avoided doing ALL of those things. That wasn't topping from the bottom, it was him communicating. As for her part - that's not dominating, that's being an ass. :)
Thank you for your comment Conina, L and I both enjoy your blog very much.
ReplyDeleteOur situation is a little more than L simply expressing what she needs or wants, it's more along the lines of her taking the next step and physically controlling how the evening in bed might go. In some cases it is an act of disobedience (stopping sucking on me before I am ready for her to) while in other cases it is determining what is going to happen next, i.e, changing sexual positions.
For the most part, what she is wanting to do works just fine for me, and the evening ends with both of us being quite satisfied. It's not a matter of me not doing things that please her, really, what I think it is is a matter of her being impatient and wanting it NOW.
Anyway, it is something we are both aware of and both want to make some changes to. It's a journey of learning and exploration...and a damn fine journey at that.