Wednesday, April 23, 2014

From L

Words. They do hit harder than a fist. Everytime I've ever been hit it just pissed me off. This was horrible. Embarassing....was said in front of my late husbands friends. I felt like I was hit....hard. Then the texts. And the bad thing is, he really meant it at the time. What he called me was what he considered me. It is the exact same words I was called many times over. I feel so much doubt right now. Maybe thats what I am if everyone I ever cared about say so. I doubt my decisions......myself right now. I feel that being submissive to anyone is also tied to what he called me. Perhaps if I were more reserved I would get some respect??? I just dont know. I know S has thrown his apology words out there but if I believe them then shouldnt I believe his other words also?


  1. Hi L,
    I'm so sorry for your pain. You are absolutely right to feel the way you do. Not knowing the details, or having a relationship with either of you, I am in no place to give you advice. I can only comment on my own experience. When I have been hurt by my husband in the past, immediately the walls go up around my heart and my first instinct is to distance myself from him emotionally. However, this only causes more pain for me. Even though I was the hurt party, I had to humble myself and go to him, trying to accept his apologies so that we could openly communicate and work through what happened. I think in the heat of the moment, it's possible to say, and mean, things that are hurtful but untrue. Do you agree with what he called you, objectively? If you do and it bothers you, maybe changes are necessary. But from
    what I've read on this blog, you are a wonderful person who has the love and respect of your master. blog

  2. I saw her comment yesterday but I'm new here and wasn't sure if I should give my advise. I will just take a leap here but feel free to ignore me :)

    I agree that words hurt, bad. Especially, words from our past and, even more so, when they come from someone who's opinion we value. It fucking sucks. But, the thing is, people say things they don't mean. I mean, I've called my best friend a bitch before, and I meant it at the time, but I sure don't think that now. Your Master shouldn't have said those things when he cares so much for you, but the bottom line have to find it in yourself to forgive him. Put your feelings to the side for a minute and ask yourself if this is something you want to come between you.

    Forgiveness is not easy. I've been married 12 years, trust me, I know how hard it is to forgive things like this. I'm not saying to forget, because that won't happen, but try to see that his words now mean more than they did when he had been drinking.


    1. Ha ha, I just realized that I said I have been married for 12 years and that's a lie, I have been with the same man for 12 years but only married for 4. I haven't had my coffee yet :)

  3. Sometimes all you can do is take a deep breath and forgive. Yes, he hurt you. He wishes he had not done so, that is obvious. Perhaps if he saw something wrong in your behavior you could change it. If it wasn't that, well, try to accept his apology as sincere and find a way to forgive.

  4. I'm going to go the other way--you deserved to be treated better. He is your Master and intentionally hurt you. I think you need to lay off your physical relationship and talk. Then talk some more. And when you are tired of talking, have another talk. I'm sorry but he broke a trust. Only after you delve into all the feelings and reasons he hurt you are you going to forgive whole heartedly. Otherwise this will hang over your head. I say lay off the physical part because you obviously turn each other's crank and it can muddy the waters.

  5. (((hugs)))

    gosh, words hurt more than physical things often, don't they?

    'I know S has thrown his apology words out there but if I believe them then shouldnt I believe his other words also?'
    Yes, yes it's really tough dilemma, isn't it?
    I've sometimes said hurtful things - and meant them too - and really regretted it later, if that's any help. People change perspective and things, you know?

    Trust is hard to build and even harder to rebuild, but it is possible. If it's a case of wanting to forgive but not being able to, I have that problem a lot and recently found that for me, I have to forgive myself first - for past baggage and all sorts of things.