Wednesday, April 30, 2014
While on vacation, L and I watched a movie called "Leap Year" (no, not the romantic comedy that came out a couple of years ago with Amy Adams). It was a somewhat BDSM themed movie in Spanish with subtitles that centered on a single woman living in Mexico City. The whole movie took place in her apartment, and the cinematography was poor at best. She was not an attractive woman, rather frumpy, but when nude ( as she was often in the movie) she had an attractive sexuality to her.
In the movie she would go out at nights and bring home a different man to fuck her. The sex was raw, a bit of coldness to it. One night she meets up with an abusive man she brings back to her apartment. The first night together, he fucks her from behind while spanking her ass and pulling her hair.
From there, the intensity of what they do escalates. One night she waits for him, naked and kneeled, and when he comes into her apartment, he slaps her to the floor and then puts a foot on her chest while he pisses on her.
The scene that stood out is the two of them in bed together, her head on his chest. She is jerking him off, and it is quite visible (the movie was NR). As she jerks him off, she is whispering in his ear about what she wants him to do. She tells him he wants him to take a knife and slit her throat, and fuck her while he does. She tells him to smear the blood on her while he fucks her and comes inside of her. She tells him to cut a hole in her throat and to fuck her there. All the time, she is stroking him, and in the movie, his head is visible while her hand works on him.
We didn't expect to watch the entire movie, it was on Netflix and we watched it on my laptop. But we stuck through the whole thing, somewhat mesmerized by the bleakness of the movie. The ending was odd. The BDSM scenes were not necessarily that hot, but they were real. I found myself aroused by the aforementioned scene, and I think it was what inspired me for the knife play the other night.
I recommend the movie to my followers. If you dig into the depths of Netflix, you will find similar movies that you might not want to admit to your friends that you watch.
When I get aroused by such matters, I find myself surprised sometimes. Once upon a time, in a world before I met L, what aroused me was fairly vanilla. Then again, I was in a sexless marriage, so any aspect of intimacy aroused me. These days, the things that arouse me are much darker. Missionary sex would no longer do it, I'm afraid. I need a hand on the throat of my lover. I need marks that I leave behind. I need hair to be pulled, a mouth to be fucked. I need force and control, pain and discipline.
I try not to question it, to accept it. It helps when I am in bed with L and doing these things, and her back is arched, and she whimpers in that way she does, and her wetness covers my fingers. It is then that I accept it, ignore everything else, and let the darkness turn to light as I slide inside of her.