I would like to say that things have gone from worse to better since I posted, but it seems just the opposite. What I did and said was too similar to what has happened to L in past relationships, so it has, in effect, opened up a can of worms that I am just not sure how to deal with at this point. How many times can I say I am sorry? I'll continue to do so.
Doms like to be in control. It is part of who we are, and what we do. Right now, with L, there is not much control. I'm struggling with how to make things better with her. Our vacation is in two days, but as she told me today, she is not really looking forward to it. I will still push for it, demand that we go on it. We need it. We need the us time, we needed it before this, and we need it now.
It would be so nice if things could be...simple. As simple as Dominant and sub, Master and slave, collared and leashed, caned and flogged. But, they are not. We are who we are. We harbor feelings and emotions, and some of us have demons inside that we try to run from and deny their existence.
And we have baggage. It seems that many of us who enter D/s relationships do so because of things that have happened in our past. We enter this manner of relationship not just because of satisfaction, but it helps us with things that have happened to us that we wish hadn't.
L and I have baggage. We have baggage from our past with other relationships, we have baggage from our own relationship. We try to store that baggage in a closet, keep it out of sight and mind, but sometimes, the closet door bursts at the hinges, and the baggage comes spilling out, out into the open, and it is there for us to observe and acknowledge.
This is one of those times.
Thank you again for your kindness.