The Return

L got back last night, and it was so good to see her and feel her in my arms again when we collapsed into bed together. Waiting until bedtime for sex wasn't an option. After she had taken a shower she was lying on the bed with a towel wrapped around her, I couldn't resist the urge to be on top of her, kissing her hard and passionately, grabbing and pulling at her hair. Moments later I was inside her, fucking her hard and fast. She asked for permission to come right away, and I granted her permission to do so and I soon followed, filling her up with my cum.

She was exhausted...physically and mentally...from the trip so I held off on any disciplining so she could rest. She has to leave again tonight but will be back tomorrow night.

We both agreed that something changed during the time she was gone, and a lot of that has to do with the reason for the trip and the issues she is having to deal with in her life. I have promised my support to her to be her rock during this extremely difficult time, but have also made it clear what the requirements are. The D/s relationship we embraced has come to mean so much to us, and we are both trying...wanting...to hold on to that right now. It's difficult to do that when we are not together, and again...difficult to do given the circumstances that are occurring. But we both need this like oxygen. The training had just essentially started before she left, and we had reached a good level...but in some ways, we are starting it back up again.

I don't feel like much of a Master right now, and I know the responsibility to regain that control and power lies in my hands. It's hard. But I/we have love and commitment, dedication and desire, and with those things, we will get through this.

longing

 night three of my pet being gone and I yearn for her. We Doms are supposed to be strong and resilent but we gather our strength from our subs. Their absence is equivalent to kryptonite. Our situation is compounded by the life changing and tragic reason for her being gone. I know she craves my control as much as I crave needing to control her.

As the song by the Police goes...bed's too big without you...

Vanilla goodbye

L is leaving town today for about six days, and it already feels strange to not have her around. It's escalated by the reason she is out of town, which is not a pleasant one at all.

Last night in bed as I embraced her I told her we were just going to make love. "I was going to ask you if we could do that," she said.

And we did. No spanking, no slapping, no being called a filthy slut...just tender love making that ended in wonderful orgasms for both of us.

Email exchange between S and L on Thursday morning:

S. I'm glad we made love last night in the manner that we did. It was what was needed at the time.
L: Oh, it was. Just what was needed.


There are some stressful times happening in our respective lives right now, extremely stressful at times. But as I said below, we have something to hold on to to guide us through it. We are an exceptionally strong couple right now, and that is such a secure feeling.


I will miss my pet.

Survey says

I added a survey asking about the frequency of sex in a D/s relationship. L and I had an active sex life prior to the relationship but it has certainly picked up speed over the last three weeks. I seem to be "on" on a regular basis as does she. It's quite...exciting. Constant cravings, as the song goes.

Buckets.

L has nicknamed me Buckets since we have been together because a lot of times when I come, I tend to be rather...copious...when I release. She has joked that I should pursue the porn industry because I would be perfect for the money shot.

Last night fit into the buckets category. L is still on her period, and being a kind Dom, I gave her ass a break last night and had her give me one of her quite excellent blowjobs...but not until she was begging for it. After playing around for a bit, I sat astride her, pinning her arms down as she moved her head up towards my cock, opening her mouth like a hungry little bird. Each of her begs and attempts to take me in her mouth were meant with slaps across the face.

"Just look at it for now," I said, as I stroked myself in front of her. "Look at how big and hard you make me. You want that in your mouth, don't you? Fucking little cock slut."

"Oh god, yes," she breathed heavily, and at one point wriggled her arms free and tried to reach for me to pull me towards her.

"We will fucking do that when I am ready!" I growled, lifting her off the bed and slamming her back down again.

Eventually I gave in and lay back on the bed and had her get between my legs and begin sucking me, which she did with feverish abandon, the sounds of her slurping music to my ears. I grabbed the back of her hair and forced her mouth down on me as deep as she could go.

"You like that cock in your mouth, don't you?" I said. "You like to suck your Master's hard cock?"

She then stopped and started stroking me. "Don't do that," I snarled. "I'll decide where I am going to come."

"I can't swallow it tonight," she said, almost sobbing. "Please, it will be just too much."

"Keep sucking my cock," I said. "I will let you know."

Fortunately for L I wasn't too fixated on her swallowing me that night, though I was tempted to do so just to teach her a lesson. What I wanted to do was coat her with my cum, so when I felt my orgasm approaching, I grabbed her off of me and threw her back down on the bed on her back. I then straddled her and began stroking. She held her tits together for me and ran her tongue around her lips, waiting for me to explode.

And explode I did as a long thick stream of cum drenched her chest, and then a second stream came out that shot further and landed on her cheek. More came out as I covered my little bitch with my cum.

"Good god," she said, as I handed her some tissues (quite a lot of them) to wipe herself off of. "Thank you for not making me swallow that."

I wasn't done with her yet though. After a 15 minute rest I had her resume touching me with her hand. I had told her earlier that day that I wanted her to work on her prostate milking skills. We had only recently started doing that, and she hadn't quite gotten to the point where she was stimulating my prostate, though the experience itself was quite enjoyable. As i quickly became hard again, she got a condom and inserted it on her finger and began exploring around my ass, slowly putting her finger inside of me as I loosened up while she sucked on my cock. I responded to her physically, adjusting myself to give her better access. She worked her finger in more and then...bam!..she hit the magic spot and my body stiffened up. Moving her head away, I started stroking myself again as she worked on me with her finger, and in a matter of seconds, I had another explosive orgasm.

As far as L, I granted her permission to touch herself afterwards, with me twisting, pulling and slapping at her nipples. Soon she came as well, and both of us went quickly to sleep after telling each other how much we loved each other.

L is still on her period so we might have one more night sans fucking her pussy, which means I will use my mind to come up with how we are going to ensure my pleasure tonight. No ideas yet, but based on how damn aroused I am getting just by writing this and thinking back to last night, I have no doubt that buckets will be involved.

A compass to navigate through the storm

What I have found surprising as of late is just how significant and important the pursuit and full embrace of a D/s relationship has become for L and I. There are some major and tragic life events underway that I won't share here that had me thinking last week that perhaps this was not the best time to continue down this road. We both agreed that any change in course at this time would be akin to disastrous to our relationship and upset the balance we have achieved. Our relationship has had its up and downs over the last couple of years, as all relationships tend to be. But with this new direction we have reached an even plateau. Our confidence in each other, in this relationship, in where we are going, has never been stronger.

Embracing a D/s lifestyle and discovering new things about ourselves, hidden sides of ourselves that are just now being unleashed, has been empowering. It has provided us with a compass to navigate through the storm, presenting itself to us as something concrete and stable to hold on to. I have no doubts that L has given herself to me, mind, body, and soul --- completely. Never before has my love of L been stronger, and each and every night when we fall asleep, her resting her head on my chest as I caress her back, I slumber with the knowledge that this is for life. This is for life.

The other side of the tail

I asked L to write about last night from her perspective, here is what she had to say. I told her that these writing assignments are good for her, that the personal reflection that it encompasses is a healthy thing to do:

Writing assignments are not my forte.....especially one that is about something so....personal.....ugh.

 

So I had mixed feelings about anal sex with S.  As he said, it has to happen as part of total domination and well, he can if he wants too.  I wasn't too worried as he promised he would go slow and stop when asked which he did for the most part.  Ho boy, it wasn't him I was worried about, it was his size that concerned me.  While I didn't find it awful I would rather it not be a everyday part of our sex life (stupid period!).

 

I think a large part of it is just trying to relax and let him go.....which I have to do a lot anyways and am getting better at not flinching or making any sounds.  I find myself sitting on my hands a lot which helps me get into submissive mode.

Fucking my pet up the ass

I had told L midway through last week that I was, once and for all, going to fuck her up the ass this weekend. We had never gone down that road yet in our relationship; as I've said before, we assumed that because of my size it would be way too uncomfortable, and I, of course, being sensitive to her feelings, avoided it.

But ever since we signed the contract and I became her owner, I wanted her ass more than ever. I wanted to make sure she knew that all of her holes belonged to me, to penetrate and fuck as I saw fit. I wanted that feeling of total dominance, and for her to know that no matter how it felt for her, she had no control over the situation.

Friday night came, then Saturday came and went, and L kept dropping little hints that she wasn't too keen on the idea. "We can take a pass on this one. I've been a good girl," she said, and at one point, there was a part of me in the back of my mind that thought maybe I would let this one go. But then I realized that to go back on doing something I said I was going to do would be a HUGE mistake and that I needed to stick to my word.

Sunday afternoon we went up to my place and got into bed together. I didn't bother with any of the restraints or the blindfold, but instead collared and leashed her and played with her for a bit. The collaring and leashing is a huge turn on for me and elevates my primal lust for her to, at times, startling levels. I ran the chain part of the leash around her nipples, rubbing the chain against them, using the strap of the handle to slap at her nipples. I then got on my knees on the bed and used the leash to jerk her head towards my stiff cock, which she eagerly took in her mouth. We adjusted to give her better access and to really go to town on me. I looped part of the chain around the base of my cock and watched as she took in as much of me as she could, using both of her hands to stroke me at the same time. The feeling was so damn good that I almost changed direction right there and was going to come deep inside of her mouth and force her to swallow. I think L was hoping for some of the same as well as she increased her motions when the swelling of my cock and thrusting in her mouth indicated I was close...

But I stopped and pulled out.

"This has to happen, you know," I said. "I have to fuck you up the ass."

She whimpered and turned over, removing her thong and presenting her ass to me obediently. I reached into my dresser and pulled out the bottle of the lube which I squirted on her backside and let trickle down to her ass. Using my finger, I massaged lightly before I inserted my well lubed finger inside of her. She was tight...very tight...and she responded accordingly.

"Wait...please wait..." she said.

I then lubed up my cock, which was throbbing and straining for release. "This has to happen," I said. I rubbed my lubricated cock along her ass, teasing at first, and then slowly started to penetrate her ass.

"Oh God," she said. "Please, you said you would go slowly...please."

I got the tip in at first and then paused, lettering her loosen up and relax as she adjusted to my girth. Slowly I slid in a bit more, and at one point stopped and let her ease her ass back on to my cock, taking it in as she could. I was being rather nice, I realize, in letting her adjust and being patient, trying to avoid my own urge of just taking her and fucking her HARD, slamming in and out of her tight ass with the same power I do when I fuck her pussy.

Finally, most of me was in her, and I pulled back out and slowly entered her all the way again.

"Please don't take long," she said. "Please come soon."

I realized that was not going to be a problem. Though I wanted to slap her across the back of the head, grab her hair and pull her back ferociously while I fucked her in the manner I saw fit, I also wanted to be somewhat sensitive in this first time endeavor and then escalate things from there.

I began thrusting, not going too hard, as I grabbed her ass and looked down to watch my hard cock, shining with the lube, pull out of her tight little ass and back in again. "Is your Master fucking you up the ass?" I asked. She began moaning, and I don't know if it was because of pleasure or discomfort, but I was in my own world of pleasure as I continued thrusting in and out of her. As the pace quickened, she sensed my impending eruption.

"Fill me up baby," she said, and no sooner had she said that then I came with ferocity, as my orgasm rippled through me and I shot load after load of cum deep inside of her ass before I collapsed, panting, on top of her.

Pulling out, I lay next to her panting, handing her some wipes to clean herself off as she curled into the fetal position, my cum trickling out of her ass.

I had fucked my pet up the ass and goddam, was it good.

I held her and kissed her and thanked her before we left back to her place, told her she was a good pet and would be rewarded, which I did by having her take a relaxing evening. Later that night as we lie in bed together I asked her if her ass was sore, which she said it wasn't. In fact, it was the one body part that wasn't necessarily sore as she complained (somewhat) that her nipples (which I spent some time on this weekend) were quite sore and her pussy felt tore up from the rest of the weekend.

But her ass? Felt fine for the most part.

Next time she might not be so lucky.

Image of the week

Looking forward to some quality collaring/leashing/bondage time with my pet later tonight...

Weekend to-do list in Mayberry

In no particular order...

1. Work on yard
2. Spend time preparing classes for upcoming summer sessions
3. Take children to park
4. Grocery shopping for week
5. Call my dad
6. Inspect camping gear
7. Introduce L's ass to my cock for the first time
8. Quality time at my house with L tied to my bed so I can use her as I please
9. Order L to wake me up both mornings by slowly sucking me until I get hard in her mouth
                                           10. Go to gym

"I know you have it in you."

L was punished last night. While we were out having drinks with her friends at the local bar, she behaved in a manner that was very disrespectful towards me. The second she did it, she could tell by The Look that I gave her --- and it has gotten sterner and extremely intense --- that she, in essence, fucked up and that the matter would be dealt with when we got home.

To make matters worse, she made another extremely poor choice before we got home.

Text exchange between S and L Thursday night:

S: Stop being a jackass with your decisions. How much of a beating do you need?

L: I guess a good one. I'm sorry. On my way home.

When we got home, we fed the kids dinner while I stared her down the whole time.

"Do I need to go back to the room now?" she asked.

"It can wait," I said quietly.

The punishment came in the form of a spanking, one of the harder ones I have given her and for a longer duration. As I've said before, we're figuring out the whole spanking thing and how it works as a punishment or simple BDSM play in the bedroom. I've come to enjoy the spankings more than I thought I would, and, my hand (which was sore the first time I did it three weeks ago) has become accustomed to it as well.

I had her lie on the bed, ass raised in the air. Using the remote, I turned the TV up to drown out the noises.

Smack! The first one came in fast and hard across the left cheek, causing her whole body to lurch forward, her face going into the pillow with a whimper.

"There will be 10 this time," I said quietly, as I caressed her reddened cheek. I removed my hand and paused it in mid air, making her guess when the next strike would come in.

Smack! The next one came in across the right cheek. I repeated the process between the cheeks, taking my time. By the seventh one she was pleading me to stop. 

After the spankings I rubbed her cheeks, and asked her if she knew why she had been punished. "I won't do it again," she whimpered. "I'll be a good girl, I promise."

And then I was on her, using my knees to spread her legs open, my hand pulling and twisting at her erect nipples, causing her to wither in pain. I slammed my cock inside of her dripping pussy, hard...and then pulled it back out all the way again.

"I could keep you from this," I said, sitting back and stroking my cock. "Maybe you should be single. Maybe you shouldn't have this cock at all."

"Oh god...no..please..don't say that," she said. "Please, be inside of me. I'll be a good girl."

I shoved my way inside of her again and gave her a few powerful strokes, then pulled back out all the way again.

"I don't know," I said. "I don't think you should get this. I don't think you deserve this."

"Please," she said, arching her back up towards me, trying desperately to make contact with my cock. "Please.."

I slapped her solidly across the face, first one cheek, then the other. "Little slut whore," I said. "You're just a whore for my cock, aren't you? Just can't get enough of it."

"No Master, I can't," she panted.

 I continued the game, pushing inside of her, fucking her, bringing her close to coming then commanding her not to. This went on for awhile until we were both reaching the point of exhaustion and ended with me pounding her from behind, leaving us both extremely satisfied.

This morning L woke up and snuggled in close to me, lying her head on my chest as she ran her hands across my body.

"That really hurt," she said. "My poor, sore ass."

"Good," I said. "It was supposed to."

"I know you have it in you," she said quietly.

Progress.

Happy Friday.

Praising pet's pussy

I had pet complete a writing assignment (see earlier post) asking her what she loved about my cock and I thought it was only fair that I do the same about her pussy. It really is quite spectacular to the extent that I have referred to it as a "magic pussy" from the first time we ever had sex. It's remarkably tight --- often times to the extent that I wonder, holy crap, am I going to be able to get inside there? And the way she gets wet with me still surprises me to this day. Were I a songwriter I would write a song about it; were I Shakespeare I would wax eloquently about it in a sonnet. I am neither of those so this will have to suffice.

Oh, and one of the best parts about her pussy?

It belongs to me.

The tightness of your pussy is such a perfect fit for my large cock, and I love that moment right before I fully penetrate you when it is so damn difficult to get fully inside you, how we have to adjust and move a little before that happens, and that anticipation of what it is going to feel like when it does happen...and then, all of a sudden, I am fully inside of you and your wetness and warmth envelopes my cock in a way that is simply delicious. I love it when I am on top and you fuck back against me, and as you know all too well, absolutely love it when you are on top, one leg on the floor, riding me. Best sex ever. I love tasting your pussy and exploring it with my mouth and tongue, that turns me on as much as you going down on me. Love it when you spread your lips for me and you let me spend some time down there, bringing you to orgasm after orgasm. I love it when you stop and wipe out when we are fucking and I have to force my way inside you again...and it is such a turnon over how wet you get, even before I ever touch you, and knowing that I am responsible for that wetness. I love coming inside of you and filling your pussy up and knowing that sometimes afterwards, as you go about your day, I occasionally trickle out of you. One of these times after I come hard I want to see my cum drip out of your pussy and onto your thighs...

Afternoon delight

L and I both slept in this morning and had a good, physical, morning romp (Aunt Flow still hasn't made her visit, so we have been taking advantage of the opportunity of her absence at every second..) and I took her youngest son to daycare and then came to my office. She sent me an email around 10:30 asking permission to stay home as a washer hose had come loose in the basement and there was water everywhere that needed to be cleaned up. I granted her permission.

I went to pay her a visit at lunchtime and we shared a hamburger together before (ahh, the joy of the middle of the day and no kids in the house) I had her undo my belt, unzip me, take my cock out and give me a blow job. I love it when she gives me a blow job when I am fully clothed, especially wearing a suit. The sound of her unbuckling the belt...the zipper coming down...the feeling of her hand reaching inside my underwear to take me out..that alone is almost as delicious as the blow job itself. After sucking on me for awhile, I asked her if she wanted her Master inside of her (to which of course she said yes please) so I had her turn over and fucked her from behind.

We ended our lunchtime session with a spanking. Incorporating spanking into our relationship has been, and pardon the pun, a hit and miss endeavor. I wanted to be sure that, as she took the afternoon off from work, that she had something to remember her Master by. We haven't done a lot of spanking mainly because of kids being around --- you can close the door and turn up the TV but the sound of a hand striking a bare ass (which is becoming music to my ears) is pretty loud and hard to explain to those who might hear it. So I gave her a good firm spanking which had her whimpering that she would most definitely remember her Master this afternoon.

I left her curled up on the bed, wearing a black tank top and panties, and looking tasty as hell. I came back to work with that great feeling one has after a nooner. There is something sexy as fuck as going to work with the feeling of sex on you, the smell of my pet's sex on my cock, the slight flush, the slight soreness below --- all of those feelings and sensations as you go about in meetings and conducting the business of the day. Love it, love it, love it.

National Masturbation Day was celebrated a short time ago. I say we in the sex blogging community need to grant a similar day for the nooner. National Nooner Day? National Fucking at Lunchtime Day?

Sky rockets in flight, indeed.

Control

Reprinted from the book The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren:

"Another factor in my attraction to the dominant role is that the BDSM situation allows me to be in almost complete control. In today's modern world, this is a situation that is becoming more and more difficult to attain. In fact, the more powerful one becomes, the more it seems that he or she is buffeted by collateral factors and outside forces.


For example, to a naive observer, I may seem to be in complete control in my office. However, I have to depend on my employees doing their jobs correctly. I have to depend on suppliers to be on the ball. Much of what I seem to control I really "managed," a much less satisfactory situation. In BDSM, I am in complete control, to fail or succeed as my talents and imagination permit. I control every factor and I do not have to depend on anyone. Any object I depend on (whips, ropes, suspension gear) I can test and retest until I am certain it works. Being in that kind of control pleases me intensely."

I couldn't agree more. I am by no means a control freak, but over the last two years I have been feeling as if I lacked control in every single aspect of my life as things began to spin out of control from career to family, relationship to finances. I've been desperate to find a rock, anything I could cling to, that would provide me with a sense of much-needed stability in my life.

By giving herself to me in the manner that she has, L gave me a gift in many ways. I now have an area in my life that I can control, and like Warren states, that pleases me intensely. Furthermore, having that confidence and sense of control in that area of life carries over into other areas as well. I walk with a more upright stride, I carry myself in the workplace with more confidence --- it is making me a stronger man.

As L stated below, it is impacting our relationship positively in many ways. I can certainly sense the difference. I wrote her an email this morning stating how I can tell that she now looks at me and treats me with a level of respect that wasn't quite there before. What I've liked is that I can now shoot her a look --- a certain look --- when she does something wrong, and she knows right away that she messed up and will avert her eyes from me and apologize. Chalking that up to progress.

"Think you have it in you?"

Email conversation between S and L on Tuesday, May 15:

S: I clearly need to be rougher with my little bitch.


L: Think you have it in you?


S: Are you issuing your Master a challenge? I think you are, and unwisely so.


S: Looking forward to teaching you a lesson. You are my personal little slut, a total whore to my cock. you exist for my pleasure, and I can't wait to fuck you in the ass this weekend to truly remind you of that. We'll need to turn the tv up a little bit tonight so I can knock you around a little before I decide where I am going to come --- maybe in your mouth and have you swallow, maybe I will just jerk off on your face. Keep in mind I haven't come since last night so where I decide to come, there is going to be a lot of it. You have no idea all that I have in me, but over time, I have no doubt that you will.

L:  Thanks...now wet at yoga. Yes Master. I wasn't mocking you in anyway and I know you have it in you and I have gotten off easy so far....and appreciate it.

Scene from my bedroom

Writing Assignment

S: Write me something today explaining what you like best about this journey so far...you can talk about the sex, knowing that you are making me happy, finding a new side of yourself, whatever you choose.


L: Arrgggh, Hate writing assignments.

What I like best about the journey so far is the fact that there is no doubt.  Any doubts are taken away the moment I signed the contract (very willingly).  Everyone is plagued by doubts on a daily basis....did I do that right?  Should I wear these pants?  Am I with the right person?  And with my doubts gone....along with most of my choices....I find that so are yours.  You seem so much more in control and not so doubtful about things which in turn makes you more confident and a better partner, person.  Makes me feel complete and whole and no longer doubtful.

What I like second best about the journey so far is the level of communication that is needed.  It's just crazy and I've always been a keep it to myself kind of person....unless I was being critical and that's just bad bad communication right there.  I know I was overcritical most times and with giving myself to you I also trusted you to do what you thought was right and there is no criticizing that.  So I no longer look for flaws in our relationship and am able to communicate better.

What I like best third best about the journey so far is the sex.  You have taken a stronger role in the bedroom knowing that you can and will do anything you want with no objections from me.  Everything turns me on anymore.  You have me begging and I know if I beg I will get slapped but still cannot help myself.  I like that you tell me what you will do and that's that.  You will have anal sex with me sometime over the weekend and I promise to lay as stil as possible and relax and let you do what you will.

Pretty sure I could go on but must work 

Spinning wheels

L and I managed to get away to my place last night for a much needed private session where I tied her down and blindfolded her. There is no better feeling then when we do this and I can gaze down upon her naked bound body as she lies there, powerless to do anything, body trembling with anticipation -- and knowing that she puts her complete trust in me to do so. Huge turn on for both of us.

Last night I introduced her to the Wartenberg Wheel for the first time. Pulling it out of my drawer, I held the wheel to her ear at first and rotated it so she could hear the metallic sound.

"Oh my god," she said, almost breathlessly. "What is THAT?"

I then proceeded to run the wheel all along her body, in between her thighs, around her nipples; paying attention to how she reacted to every movement. I ran the handle up along her moist slit and continued to roll the wheel all along the rest of her. Sometimes I pressed the wheel in harder, other times made it a light touch. All of this was putting L in a frenzy, and it wasn't long until she was begging for me to fuck her. Which I eventually did, but only after teasing her with my cock at first, just putting the tip in and then pulling back out and making her beg for more. I finally gave it all to her and plunged deep inside of her but denied her from having an orgasm at first. I continued the teasing for a period of time and then told her, yes, pet, you may come now.

And she did.

We need more private sessions like the one we had last night. I'm glad that we have this secluded place we can disappear to, away from the kids, where there is no need to stifle our noises, whether it be the sound of my hand striking L's ass, her moans of passion, the headboard slamming against the wall --- where I can have her bound up and at my total mercy. After a lax Mother's Day weekend, it felt good to get back into that sense of control again, and that feeling has carried forward into today.

That special time of the month...

L is about to begin her period for the first time since we entered this new relationship. While we were doing research on D/s relationships, L came across this page within the excellent withinreality. com website  that talks about the "challenges" that can come up during that special time of the month:

http://withinreality.com/pmsslave.html

We haven't really talked about how the next few days might affect her mood in terms of her desire to serve and please me, but we talked a little in bed this morning about sex the next few days. L confessed she wasn't really looking forward to it too much. L loves to have me in her mouth, but isn't a fan of swallowing. Then of course there is the whole issue I wrote about below with anal sex, but I promised her that is not going to happen until this weekend. I haven't thought about all that I might request of her over the next few days. We've been having a lot of sex --- good, physical sex --- as of late so a couple of days rest doesn't sound that bad, even though my libido is in constant overdrive. Might just use this opportunity to lie back on the bed and have my pet bathe me from toe to head with her tongue.

p.s. I gave L a good pounding this morning, allowing her to come as soon as she wanted to. She's a big fan of the morning romp, and given what could happen the next few days, I felt that a treat was in order. Because I'm a kind Dom like that.

Perspectives.

I'm moving towards having L contribute to this blog on a somewhat regular basis, even if it is just weekly. In addition to being damn attractive, L is a funny, smart, sassy (sometimes too much) woman who can write, even though she thinks she can't write. I've posted some of her stuff in other postings, and think it would be good for her to open up and share her point of view and perspective. I've liked the blogs out there that have reflections from both the Dominant and the submissive; makes them much more interesting.

From a reader's standpoint, what do you think? Do you prefer the one-sided approach or would you like to hear from both sides as we continue --- sometimes stumbling blindly -- on this journey together?

Moving towards anal...

L and I have not had anal sex yet in our time together. She has been intimidated by my size, so I just never pressed her on the issue. Until now.

I sent her an email today to let her know that my plan this week was to help get her ready for anal sex this weekend, that I would do my best to not make it a completely painful experience, that I would use plenty of lube and ease my way in slowly. I didn't want to make the experience akin to a punishment, rather, make it a part of our sex life. I introduced her to anal beads last week, and will use other ways over the next few nights to help get her ready for her Master.

As we entered into this new direction in our relationship, what I have found is that to some extent, pain isn't necessarily a punishment for L and that there are aspects of it that do arouse her. That seems to be commonplace in this world, and I have read in a few other blogs how the intention was for spanking to be a punishment in a D/s setup but then once the sub started moaning with pleasure while the spanks were being administered that it didn't necessarily fit into the punishment arena. One of the things I have enjoyed the most in this has been the physical and somewhat forceful direction of our sex life.  We have had some great rough sex the last two weeks, the type where we both wake up "fuck sore" the next day. Friday night we had a particularly physical session. L has this delicious way of begging for me to fuck her and will try to grab me to pull me inside of her, raising her hips up and literally writhing underneath me like a starving nympho. That night I surprised myself -- and her --- by slapping her across the face a couple of times to reminder her that I would be inside of her when I was ready...

Where was I? Oh yeah, anal sex.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. Not sure if L feels the same way though.

Monday, Monday..

We let things slide  this weekend. Ok, I'm the one in charge, so technically I am the one who let things slide. I had a very rational reason for doing so. If you read the below post on Mother's Day, I take that day quite seriously, and, in particular, I wanted to make it a very special day for L because last year she had a really horrible Mother's Day for reasons I won't go into here.

We went on a camping trip over the weekend with L's mom and her boys and had a great time. Obviously, being on a family camping trip changes things --- can't really be wearing a collar while you are sitting around the campfire roasting marshmallows with family.  So we drifted, and I ended up letting things go.

When we got back from camping I gave L the day off, so to speak. Had her take a long afternoon nap while I took care of her younger son and put away all of the camping gear. Pampered her the best that I could, didn't ask or demand anything of her, let some of the rules slide, etc.

Which brings us to this morning...she did jump back into the swing of things by bringing me my coffee in bed, but admitted that this was going to be a tough transition and jokingly (?) asked if she could have an extension on the Mother's Day treatment.  We're both back to work now, getting into our routine for the day. I sent L an email instructing her to re-read the contract and I would do the same.

I'm not necessarily in angst over this, but wondering if I let things slide too much this weekend and made things confusing for her. I did achieve what I wanted in making the day special for her --- I know she enjoyed it very much --- so that aspect makes me happy. And I enjoyed the weekend also. All in all, we had a great time, but we pretty much stepped outside of the D/s context, with the exception of a Friday night physical reminder when we were in bed of who was in charge.

So I'm focused now on getting us back on track. Curious to hear if other D's have done this before --- let things slide for a special occasion, etc., and the challenges they might have had (and how they overcame them) to get back on track.

Fantasy.

Email from L on May 3:

"I am your personal whore (seriously) to do as you see fit. I trust you will do what you think is best. I plan on scheduling one of our many trips during a big (whatever you want to call it) so you can bring me out in public in my collar......I will be dressed very nice and do you proud." This totally does it for me. We don't live somewhere where there are BDSM clubs to attend. The idea of going to such a club somewhere with L by my side, collared and leashed, is damn hot. We're an attractive couple, and we look good together, work well together in public. Love the thought of being around others, Dominants and submissives, Masters and slaves, taking in the sights and sounds and feeding off of the sexual energy -- and what that would do to us. I have a voyeuristic streak to me, so would love to push L on this one --- me spanking her in public, etc. Damn straight we will be planning a trip like this soon.

Happy Mother's Day

This Sunday is Mother's Day, and for those male Doms out there who have a sub who is a mother -- whether she be the mother of your children or not --- I hope that you take some time to recognize, celebrate and appreciate her for the beauty that is motherhood.

L and I both have children from our former marriages. We have talked before about how we wish we could have had a baby together, but that's not possible now. I would have been proud to have had a child with L, I really would. I don't agree with everything she does as a parent, just the same as I know she doesn't with me, but her being a mother is one of the many things I love about her, and I have embraced her children as if they were my own. She has not had the opportunity to do so with mine because they live in a different state with their mother, but I know that as they become a part of our life, she will embrace them as if they were her own as well.

On this Mother's Day 2012 I want L to be sure she knows how much I appreciate her motherhood, and I am happy to be a part of that aspect of her life just as I am every other aspect.

Our D/s contract

L thought it would be a good idea to share our contract, so it is included within this site. Click on the tab at the top to view it. I spent a great amount of time putting it together, drawing some from other contracts I found and adding what we needed for our situation.

What I am pleased about the most with the contract, and I know L is as well, is the second introductory paragraph where I put the reason for the contract and what we are doing into proper context.

Equality, revisited

I posted below how I was feeling angst over the fact that L made the comment to me that it felt like we were equals, as in the back of my mind I thought that with a true D/s relationship there was no "equality." I think, to some extent, L was feeling the same way, so I started to focus on ways to make sure she felt she was not in anyway "equal " to me.

Silly me.

The beauty of the blogging world and sharing these stories with others is that you can get input and advice from those who have been doing this longer, so I was quite appreciate when I got an email from DauntlessVitality with A Dauntless Journey who had this to say:

"The post was "Adjustments" and was about her saying she felt equal, to which you replied you felt that was wrong.  Is that wrong?  Is she any less than you?  Are you bigger and better than she is?  I'm not trying to offend you in any way, so please don't take it that way.  But I tend to say that in D/s you are equal.  Maybe not so much in a Master/slave dynamic, as the slave has given up all rights to any and everything.  She is at the total mercy and control of her Master.  But in D/s, they both feed off each other.  They both need what the other has to offer.  The Dom needs her submission and all that comes with it, and the sub needs his dominance and all that is a part of that.  It's a partnership where you feed off each other.  It's mirror opposites that fit together to make the whole.  So, just because she is submissive, agrees to obey and follow your direction and guidance, and must suffer punishment for not obeying, doesn't make her any less than you.  You can retain your roles and still be equal with you in charge.  If anything, you are helping her grow, be who she is and needs to be, and making her into more than she was and can ever be on her own." 


The second I read that I realized how much perfect sense that made, and shared it with L and she agreed. So that is the approach we are taking. It's refreshing in some ways, and relieved me of some of the unnecessary stress of trying to create a situation where there was no question that there was anything equal about the two of us.


I'm evolving. We're evolving. We are learning, adjusting, communicating, and moving ahead for the better.

Maintenance night

As I mentioned in the below post, this week has been about adjusting to the "real world" and fitting the new direction of our relationship in with day to day life. I told L that after dinner and the kids are settled in, we are going to go up to my place for some maintenance work just to make sure we are on the same page. I'm looking forward to it.

Bull in a China shop

As a rookie Dom, I am fully aware of the fact that it is going to be quite easy for me to make mistakes along the way in our new relationship, that I do not know all of the answers, that it is my responsibility to take the lead in this and that if things go wrong --- my sub doesn't behave in a manner that I find acceptable --- I have to look in the mirror and examine what I am doing or need to change. To assume any other type of position, to forge ahead blindly and stubbornly thinking I have all of the answers, would be akin to a bull rampant in a China shop. There's room for significant damage.

By fully submitting herself to me, L has given me a tremendous gift and I take that gift quite seriously.  The journey we are taking, if done right, is going to be of tremendous benefit to our lifelong relationship together. Already we have seen improvements, and we're both excited about what lies ahead. And already I have seen some mistakes I have made, as well as mistakes she has made. She, like me, realizes that it is going to take some time to figure out.

I realize I have spent a lot of time going into somewhat graphic detail about our sex life on this blog, and don't want to leave anyone with the impression that this is what it is all about. I like to write about our sex life because, hey, we have really, really good sex, I like writing about sex, and it is exciting to share with the blogosphere. And those who read this blog who are participants in the D/s world already know that it is not just about sex, so perhaps this is a moot point.

It's about big things, and it's about little things. Every morning now L has gotten up, made a pot of coffee, and brought me a cup while I am still in bed. She does it without hesitation, she does it willingly, and she does it lovingly because she knows that little gesture makes me quite happy and as she constantly tells me, it means the world to her to please me.

We've fallen into routine stuff this week with work and kids and laundry, but have worked at the same time at maintaining the D/s consistency, and I can tell that after time, it is going to flow into our daily lives quite naturally. When you live your life the way it was intended, things happen naturally. That's the way it is.

Cock praise

A couple of weeks ago I sent L an email telling her to send me an email asking her what she loved about her Master's cock, encouraging her to write it well or risk punishment. This is what she wrote, and despite her wish at the end, just couldn't bring myself to punish her because dammit...it was good.

"Your cock took me completely by surprise and still does to this day.  I was not prepared and don't think I ever will be.  The size is really quite something else.  The thought of you entering me gets me everytime.....takes my breath away.  I get so SOOO wet just thinking about it.  No one ever has had the effect on me that you do.

I hope you hate my words as I would rather be punished by you than rewarded."

Memo to my pet on the morning of May 9

Pet:

I just wanted to tell you that it is quite overwhelming how much I love you these days. and how intensely I desire you. 

Thank you for giving yourself to me. 

There are some things I want done differently, and I will let you know those later, but wanted to start the day by telling you this.

--Master

Email conversation between S and L on May 8

S: I know exactly how I would be handling things after work if it was just the two of us, the challenge is, well, with kids around...not that easy. Can only do so much of course. If it was just the two of us I would order you to be waiting at the door for me when I got home with your collar and leash on, and a martini (learning how to make martinis is going to be a lesson). You would kneel by side while I sat on the couch watching the news, your head resting on my lap while I pet your hair. You would make dinner and serve it to me, we might go out for a couple of drinks. You would be wearing very little around the house so I could touch your pussy...your tits..at any time. There would be a lot of fucking and sucking, spanking, rough play, etc. 


L: Well lets get these damn kids raised up and out of the house.  So perhaps we should shedule a few hours at your house this week....what are your thoughts?


S: I had already planned on that.


L: OK, on that I will shut up as you're in control and I am not.


S: I brought my belt from home.


L: Yes Master

Date night

L and I had a very nice date night last night. We went and saw a live performance of Lily Tomlin, which was absolutely hilarious. It was the third night in a matter of five days where I had "dragged" L to going to some artistic/cultural event with me, and though she makes jokes about it, I know that she actually enjoys the opportunity, in part, because she was not accustomed to nice date nights in her previous relationship. I enjoy having her by my side at these events, in particular, sitting in the dark with our hands intertwined and caressing each other's fingers, her head sometimes resting on my shoulder. Afterwards we went and had drinks and appetizers before going back home and to bed.

To bed. These days, bedtime can't come quickly enough. Were it not for the demands of reality (i.e, children) the bedroom would be our permanent place of residence these days. I'm craving L rather intensely these days, and as I sit here writing this at 9a.m. am feeling the familiar rise in my pants that seems to be a constant presence. We had sex...great sex...on a daily basis prior to switching to a D/s relationship, but it feels different now, at least for me. These days, I want to literally consume her when we are in bed together, leave no doubt in her mind that I am her owner as I ravish her body.

And this is not just for my own pleasure. I know the effect I have on L in bed. I know I can make her come easily, can get her into a state where she is literally begging for my cock. I know just the way to taste her..to touch her...to kiss her..to fuck her...that she loves. And therein lies the real source of my power in this relationship. It would be torturous to L to deny her those pleasures, and I have already used denial of orgasms as a punishment.

Last night I ended up taking L from behind, and aside from her being on top, has become my favorite position. Part of it is the visual component, but the other part is the control aspect. The other night at my place I had collared and leashed L and as I fucked her from behind, used the leash to pull her head back. I came hard last night, and afterwards, as we lay there together, I ran my hands over her body, fingers down to her still wet and hungry pussy, and minutes later, L's hand found my cock which had already become hard again. I was then on top of her, pushing her down into the bed as I plunged inside of her.

It was a very nice date night.

Why.

I asked L this morning to email me why she wanted to be my submissive and what it meant to her. She claims that she isn't a writer, but I (usually) love her words and the way she expresses herself at times. Worth sharing, plus I found it quite arousing.

"First off, I wouldn't be submissive to anyone but you.  The trust and communication that is involved is just plain crazy.  I love you, I want to make you happy and please you.  Using your words, you were my submissive for years....which is partly true and I acknowledge that.  To be honest, if I didn't hand you over some control (and you're not the type of person who would want some control, you would want it all) I don't think we would work right now and that terrifies me.  I'm not your submissive because I'm scared you will leave me, I submit to you because I want more than anything to please you....and I think it's always been me.  I have been in charge forever.....even as a kid with my mother....she would take me on trips so I could drive and make the decisions half the time.  Most times they were just damn good ideas and everyone just went with it.  And I think it's good for me/us in the long run.  I get more done.  Even at yoga I found myself holding the poses for longer than I would have as I want to get in shape as it is your body now and it would please you.

Also, it totally does it for me."

Adjustments...

...clearly have to be made, and quickly. L revealed to me this morning, as we laid together naked in her bed, my hand rubbing her back, that things felt normal, that it felt like we were equal. I suspect there are no words more stabbing for a D's sense of power then to have his sub state that she felt like she was his "equal", and my entire body bristled when she revealed that to me. It wasn't any statement that needed a punishment, she was being honest and it wasn't her fault that she felt like she was my equal. She doesn't have the power, I do. Still, I get the sense that she is somewhat enjoying pushing my buttons, responding with smart ass comments to see what my reaction will be.

Last night at dinner I slipped. One of the rules is that she cannot begin eating without my permission, and last night we sat down to dinner I completely forgot about it. She took a bite out of a beet, realized her error, and quickly looked up at me. Had she continued eating without saying anything, I most likely would have forgotten altogether until later that night, when really, it would have been too late. So I let that one go. Looking back, I realize that was a grave mistake, and if I am forgetting rules so quickly, well, this won't work.

Yesterday was our first day back into "reality" after spending the weekend together. We both went back to work, and L confessed after work as she got home and began cooking my dinner and following some of the directives I had given her, that it was hard to transition into this after being in her office all day. Add to that the demands of children and other nuances of life, it makes the initial training period a challenge. That isn't even factoring in our different personalities and how things were in the relationship prior to this endeavor.

If I could have done things differently, the "training" period would have been one isolated to just the two of us, removed from reality, to where it would be 24/7. A boot camp, of sorts, to where every second of her day was spent focusing on me and responding to my commands. It might sound brutal, but what needs to happen is I need to break L down completely and then build her back up again in the manner that I see fit.

"It feels like we are equals," she said.

Adjustments clearly have to be made, and quickly...

Collaring, part II: The wearing

The collaring took place in my living room after we had spent an evening out for drinks and taking in a locally produced movie, which was so bad that L asked if making her watch it was one of her punishments. For both of us, the entire day and the evening was nothing more than foreplay leading up to the moment we both eagerly anticipated.

When we arrived at my place I popped open a bottle of champagne and we smoked a bowl. This was followed by the signing of the contract (like I said below, more on this to come) and I gave her a card that professed my love for her so she was clear that what we were about to do was something I looked at quite seriously.

I presented her with the collar in a red gift bag and as she took her shirt off, she asked that I take it out and put it on her. She lifted up the back of her hair as I put it on, fastening it into place and being careful that it wasn't too tight. After putting it on, she lifted her head up and looked at me in the eyes. L has the most gorgeous eyes, big and brown, and she has a way of looking at me with a puppy dog expression that I knew I was going to have to ignore from here on out when she used that heart-melting look to try and get her way with me.

She looked beautiful.

I leaned in and grabbed the back of her head and our tongues found each other. My hand made its way around her neck where I felt the collar, running my fingers underneath on her neck, and my mouth made its way to the area of her neck under the collar where I kissed and nibbled, my hands taking in and pulling her thick head of hear. Next, I removed the leash from the gift bag and fastened it to the collar as well. Pulling on it, I brought her closer to me, letting the chain drape around her neck and across our mouths where we kissed through it passionately.

I could feel something stirring in me like I had never felt before. L has taken me to the highest sexual peaks I have ever encountered in any relationship, and I was used to having feverish desire for her, but this...this was different. With the collar on there was no question that she had given herself to me, and I wanted to revel in my ownership by completely consuming her. I wanted to tear her clothes from her body and explore every inch of her with my mouth, nibbling, pushing her hard to the floor and forcing myself on her. I wanted to use the leash to drag her to my floor. I wanted to spread her legs apart with my knees and plunge my hard cock deep inside her pussy (side note: L has an amazing pussy that is exceptionally tight and wet at the same time, as she likes to joke with me, I need to write a song about her pussy and I can't help but agree).

I wanted to fuck her, hard and ferocious, pulling at her hair and slapping her across the face. I wanted her to respond back like the bitch of mine that she was, digging her nails into my back, into my ass, as i slammed into her over and over.

In due time.

L reached down and removed my cock from my pants and, using the leash, I pulled her head down towards my crotch where her eager mouth engulfed my tip. Using the chain, I drooped it around so it circled around the base of my cock, and watched, heart pounding and blood flowing, as she took in as much of me as her mouth could contain.

My pet --- my little bitch --- my personal whore was collared. She was mine, and I wanted her like I had never wanted anything in the world before.

Discipline vs. punishment

Knowing the difference between the two of these, I am finding, is of critical importance to make this work. They are completely different, but, at times, overlapping principles. I'm finding that understanding the two of them, knowing when they are used, and...most importantly...being consistent is key to a successful D/s relationship, and that if it doesn't work, it's not the submissive's fault --- the Dominant is the one with the power and is the trainer/teacher, so he needs to man up to that responsibility, educate himself, and follow thru. It's one thing if the relationship is just sexual in nature and left to BDSM role playing in bed, but quite another if it is ingrained into every aspect of the relationship.

I'm wondering if my boss would grant me annual leave if I told him I needed some time to train myself to be a better Dominant over my pet.

Anyway, I have found this website to be one of the most useful and well written ones to explaining all the various nuances of a D/s relationship. This link, in particular, gives great info. on understanding the differences between discipline and punishment.

http://withinreality.com/dispun.html

Collaring, Part I: The purchase

In many ways, Friday, May 4, 2012 was the wedding day for L and I, at least, as close as we were going to come to a wedding for the time being. That being said, the step we were taking in our relationship was in many ways, at least in our minds, much more powerful than the bond that is created between a couple in a traditional marriage. On this day, L was giving her complete self to me: Heart, body, mind and soul --- to do as I wanted for my own personal pleasure and use the power she was relinquishing me to mold her into a better woman.

Yeah, no pressure there.

I’ll write more about the contract of servitude that we both signed that evening later as that is a tale on its own, but for now, let’s talk about the collaring.

We both thought there needed to be some sort of physical contract to solidify our new relationship, a wearing of a ring of sorts, and as we explored and researched the world of D/s relationships (in the days leading up to our "marriage" work for both of us literally came to a standstill as days in our respective offices were spent pouring through D/s blogs and websites…never before did I utilize the “Clear History” feature on my web browser than I did that week…) both found attraction at the act of collaring. L initially had some concerns with the thought that it might be degrading, but as she read into it (and also after I made her watch a BDSM-themed porno called “Bound”) found the prospects of it too be exciting and became just as eager as me.

***

Email from L on Thursday, May 3 at 11:30p.m.

I absolutely cannot wait for you to collar me. I plan on being the best for you and will try my best not to screw up....and if I do....which I will...and be punished as I should....I know you will only be doing it out of love and in my/our best interest.

***

I purchased the collar the night before at the local Petco, and as I perused the section, tried to overlook the fact that I was finding shopping at a local pet store to be an arousing errand. I shared the collar aisle with a young family who were trying on collars on their Labrador puppy while with each collar I picked up, I tried to picture how it would look around the neck of my sweet submissive L. I did not take this endeavor lightly, because it needed to be just right. Just right. Not only the collar, but just as importantly, in my mind, was the leash. I finally found the right combination. 


The collar was black leather, about a 1/2" wide, adorned with raised silver diamonds. I knew without a doubt that I wanted the leash to have a chain, and settled on one with a red strap handle that I realized could serve a dual purpose of not only controlling my new pet, but also to be administered across her ass if need be.

***

Text exchange between S and L on Thursday, May 3, at 5:15p.m.

S: I’m happy with my purchase.L: If there’s velcro involved I’m taking you out.

S: Watch your tone.

L: I have one last night buddy. Just kidding. I will.

S: Hmm. Ok. One last night.

***

One of the biggest challenges I was going to have with the taming of L was going to be her mouth. She is a self-professed smart ass of monumental proportions, often times never thinking before opening her mouth or firing off a smarmy email or text message. This inability to think before typing/talking, and, at one point, her anger management issues, has caused problems in our relationship in the past, and with this shift in power and handing control over to me, I knew this was an area that was going to need immediate attention and correction.


I had my work cut out for me.

One last night.