Control

Reprinted from the book The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren:

"Another factor in my attraction to the dominant role is that the BDSM situation allows me to be in almost complete control. In today's modern world, this is a situation that is becoming more and more difficult to attain. In fact, the more powerful one becomes, the more it seems that he or she is buffeted by collateral factors and outside forces.


For example, to a naive observer, I may seem to be in complete control in my office. However, I have to depend on my employees doing their jobs correctly. I have to depend on suppliers to be on the ball. Much of what I seem to control I really "managed," a much less satisfactory situation. In BDSM, I am in complete control, to fail or succeed as my talents and imagination permit. I control every factor and I do not have to depend on anyone. Any object I depend on (whips, ropes, suspension gear) I can test and retest until I am certain it works. Being in that kind of control pleases me intensely."

I couldn't agree more. I am by no means a control freak, but over the last two years I have been feeling as if I lacked control in every single aspect of my life as things began to spin out of control from career to family, relationship to finances. I've been desperate to find a rock, anything I could cling to, that would provide me with a sense of much-needed stability in my life.

By giving herself to me in the manner that she has, L gave me a gift in many ways. I now have an area in my life that I can control, and like Warren states, that pleases me intensely. Furthermore, having that confidence and sense of control in that area of life carries over into other areas as well. I walk with a more upright stride, I carry myself in the workplace with more confidence --- it is making me a stronger man.

As L stated below, it is impacting our relationship positively in many ways. I can certainly sense the difference. I wrote her an email this morning stating how I can tell that she now looks at me and treats me with a level of respect that wasn't quite there before. What I've liked is that I can now shoot her a look --- a certain look --- when she does something wrong, and she knows right away that she messed up and will avert her eyes from me and apologize. Chalking that up to progress.