Friday, May 11, 2012

Equality, revisited

I posted below how I was feeling angst over the fact that L made the comment to me that it felt like we were equals, as in the back of my mind I thought that with a true D/s relationship there was no "equality." I think, to some extent, L was feeling the same way, so I started to focus on ways to make sure she felt she was not in anyway "equal " to me.

Silly me.

The beauty of the blogging world and sharing these stories with others is that you can get input and advice from those who have been doing this longer, so I was quite appreciate when I got an email from DauntlessVitality with A Dauntless Journey who had this to say:

"The post was "Adjustments" and was about her saying she felt equal, to which you replied you felt that was wrong.  Is that wrong?  Is she any less than you?  Are you bigger and better than she is?  I'm not trying to offend you in any way, so please don't take it that way.  But I tend to say that in D/s you are equal.  Maybe not so much in a Master/slave dynamic, as the slave has given up all rights to any and everything.  She is at the total mercy and control of her Master.  But in D/s, they both feed off each other.  They both need what the other has to offer.  The Dom needs her submission and all that comes with it, and the sub needs his dominance and all that is a part of that.  It's a partnership where you feed off each other.  It's mirror opposites that fit together to make the whole.  So, just because she is submissive, agrees to obey and follow your direction and guidance, and must suffer punishment for not obeying, doesn't make her any less than you.  You can retain your roles and still be equal with you in charge.  If anything, you are helping her grow, be who she is and needs to be, and making her into more than she was and can ever be on her own." 

The second I read that I realized how much perfect sense that made, and shared it with L and she agreed. So that is the approach we are taking. It's refreshing in some ways, and relieved me of some of the unnecessary stress of trying to create a situation where there was no question that there was anything equal about the two of us.

I'm evolving. We're evolving. We are learning, adjusting, communicating, and moving ahead for the better.


  1. Thanks for the reference. I'm glad I could make you see something a little different than you may have otherwise. The fact that you are open to learning and seeing things differently than you may envision is a fabulous trait. That's all art of figuring out who you are as a Dom and her as a sub. You should always be evolving, so good for you both.


  2. The best part of the journey is what you learn along the way. Adjustments are going to be made to any relationship as it is growing and thriving. But don't feel pushed into adjustments. You will know when they need to be made and when to let them wait.

  3. Mmm, I should have read from newer to older rather than in chronological order. :) Awesome.

  4. Thanks Conina. I appreciated your other comment. We have actually already revisited and essentially done away with the food rule.